My mother acts like a little child when I am around her. When I take her to the Dr.s
she carries on and starts yelling in the Dr.s office.When I try to get her to calm down she continues to carry on and tells me I don't care.
Three years ago she was diagnosed with progressive dementia. The Dr. recommended that she go to AL. She threw a fit in the Dr.s office and refused to go. She told me she hated me and wanted me out of her life. Two years ago she fell and broke both of her arms and had to go to Rehab from there she was transferred to AL. After a period of adjustment,she likes living in AL. It's been wonderful because I can go back to being just the daughter. My mother will do things for other people that she won't do for me. The AL is a wonderful place and the Dr. comes there to see her. The nurse at AL called me and told me that the Dr. wants me to take my mother to a dermatologist. I know that I can't handle my mother. I am the only child and have no other support.
does anyone have any suggestions?
When my dad was in a NH I took him every week to have a paracentesis and that was an 8-hour day. It was grueling for him and for me, plus he was incontinent so I had to factor that into the day as well. One day he was in having the procedure and I broke down sobbing in the waiting room. A nice lady came up to me and ushered me into the office and I just babbled on about how difficult this was and how I can't keep doing this every week. Anyway, she was very nice but the NH had no clue what they were asking of me when they'd suggest that my dad see one kind of Dr. or another.
The NH also wanted my dad to get his ears cleaned. My dad was deaf in one ear and profoundly hard of hearing in the other. He couldn't hang onto to his hearing aides and they suggested that I make an appointment with some ear, nose, and throat guy and have my dad's ears cleaned out.
Another time my dad's nose was bleeding and the NH suggested that I take my dad, again, to the ear, nose, and throat Dr. to have his nose cauterized so it wouldn't bleed. My dad's nose had bled for as long as I could remember. It would happen once in a while and it would last about 10 min. The nursing home, again, had no clue what they were asking of me.
The NH also suggested I take my dad to the dentist since he had lost so much weight his partial plate didn't fit well anymore and would fall out on occasion. This is true, it would fall out, but the man was dying and I wasn't going to spend money he didn't have taking him to and from the dentist to have another partial made.
The NH was full of suggestions but they weren't the ones who had to make the appointments and make sure my dad got there in addition to all the stress that's in between making the appointment and actually getting my dad there.
Maybe I'm a bad daughter for not following up on these things but I didn't think so and I don't think so now in hindsight. But not taking my dad to every Dr. under the sun for every little thing never mattered in the long run.
If your mom is a nightmare when she's out with you I wouldn't take her. Is that horrible? Maybe. But if it were me I wouldn't. I'd keep buying lotions and trying them out. Have you tried Eucerin? If your mom's skin is bothering her, if she's in pain or it's spreading then you'd have to make an exception but if you can get by without taking her out and trying other lotions, do that for as long as you can.
so she wants my mother to see a dermatologist.
I'm curious because it was such a hassle taking mom to doctor appointments. I finally got to the point that I hired a MediVan. Now, she has a doctor who comes to the house. If he referred her out to a dermatologist, unless she had leprosy, I'd break HIS arm. (I'm an only too, by the way.)
Ask to have the doctor call you. Tell him how difficult it is to manage your mom at doctor appointments, and ask what her problem is, what he's tried in order to manage it, and if there's something else he might try to alleviate her symptoms. That's what I'd do.
If I HAD to take her, when I made the appointment I'd talk to the nurse ahead of time. I'd let her know that mom is likely to be disruptive in the office and ask what appointment time would likely get her in to the see the doctor fastest so she doesn't disturb all of his other patients. I'd tell her that I would call from the parking lot to see how he was running and not bring her in until he was ready to see her.
When I took her, I'd be prepared to have "a little picnic" in the car to kill time. Other than that, I'd simply sincerely apologize to the people in the waiting room, and leave it to the doctor's staff to manage her.
If the problem is a something the doctor suspects might be a skin cancer, then she should have it looked at by an expert, but if it's eczema or psoriasis or something annoying but not life-threatening, you have to decide whether the benefit to your mother outweighs the aggravation of being subjected to her tirades.