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How can I handle my mother’s jealous behavior and guilt from talking time off from caregiving?

Asked by Lorraine | Dec 16, 2009

Answers 1 to 3 of 3

Carol Bradley Bursack, Dec 16, 2009

Over the span of two decades author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Because of this experience, Bradley Bursack created a portable support group, the book “Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.” Her sites, www.mindingourelders.com and www.mindingoureldersblogs

Oh Lorraine, I hear you. When my sister and I wanted to go to lunch (a rare treat), our mother - who at one time would have been thrilled for us - was jealous. It comes from all the losses our elders suffer. They begin to feel left out, and often are. Most caregivers need some time away from caregiving.

The only advice I can give you is to try to not take the words personally. Be firm about going and doing what you need to do, but do it as kindly as you can, remembering that the elder is suffering so many losses.

Don't feel guilty (easier said than done, I know). But this is unearned guilt, so you need to detach from her behavior and give yourself a treat. Maybe you can find something to do with her, alone, later.

Keep coming back for support. We can't change things for you but we do understand.
Carol

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hapfra

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Dec 26, 2009

Hi Lorraine~As a former caregiver, I have been told that to be good at it, you also need to take some "ME TIME"...This is something many people do not realize. There is always that feeling of guilt when taking the "me time"---but also it it necassary. As time goes by it will get easier on you. I was a caregiver for a long time, and this was explained.

In my particular journey, what was of great value--SUPPORT and KNOWLEDGE-I learned how others handled similar situations..in turn you may find this to be beneficial to you. Knowledge and Understanding may help you to understand and to COPE.

This is an excellent place to vent and to seek support, so please get back to us with your updates.

Good luck on your caregiving journey!

Hap

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Jaye

Give a Hug

Dec 28, 2009

Don't feel quilty... You need a break once in a while... Caregiveing is an important and admireable however is it also demanding and hard!!! You need to be able to do something fun occationally. Make sure that you have someone who is trust worthy and responsible to care for your Mom in your absence. take care and don't beat yourself up.

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