I asked my siblings last week to help out by taking some of the personal financial strain and they said they would thing about it. How do I handle the guilt of telling them they will have to care for themselves if my siblings don’t help out?

I cannot give advice but I wanted you to know that I hear you - and I mean I literally hear you - I have no one helping me either but am only taking care of Mom. I do love her and cannot bear to take her to a nursing home but I am going completely bonkers. I was actually going to this site to see what advice there was because I just cannot do everything anymore. Would your siblings agree to at least watch your parents one day a week each a month or more? That way you would have at least a few days to yourself. How old are you parents? How is their mental and physical state? Some communities have a senior citizen center that offer activities. Would they agree to go a few times a week? Or if things are too much for you - if they do go to a nursing home - there is comfort in the fact that they would be together - they wouldn't be alone and would be able to watch out for each other. This way you could visit them often yet wouldn't be shouldering the burden alone. I wish you well!

I have one sister who will occaisionally take them to a Dr. appointment every 4 months or so. One sister that helps them financially (although I don't think my parents need it!). That's it no one wants to come around them. My mother broke her hip a year ago and has a couple other medical problems but will not leave the house other than Dr appointments. My Dad has friends and goes to church but says he wants to be buried in the back yard before he will go into a nursing home. He wants to be catered to like my Mom did for him for 60 years and gets angry b/c she cant. They are in their 80s.... their mental state is starting to decline.

I would have a frank talk with your parents. Tell them that you are sorry but (and list each of your siblings names) all of us cannot take care of you guys. We need to look into state run homes. Then call your siblings and let them know that this is the way it has to be unless one of them gives you a call back within 24 hours saying that they are taking over. If not, then collectively it is all of your's decision to do that. I don't blame you. Do not be the bad guy. $40 per month is pennies to get your parents good help.

If I am reading your question right, you are asking your siblings for financial assistance for yourself to offset some of the time burden your responsibilities with your Parents places on you. If that is the case, while I do understand, there may be a better way to propose such an arrangement. You could do some research on bringing a home care person a few times a week to give you a break and then propose that your siblings help with that cost. You must understand, siblings who are not actively involved in their day to day care may not see what "the big deal is". As such,they may actually resent the idea that you are asking for financial compensation for yourself, "just to take care of Mom and Dad". You did say that one of your siblings is helping your Parents with finances even though you do not believe they need the money. maybe some of that money could be diverted to a caregiver. If your Parents truly do not need the money, you could get the break you need by handling the situation that way. As with other issues, there are no easy answers, especially when dealing with family.

Susan - don't wait, call your local Area Agency on Aging and tell them you and your parents need help to find assisted living or help in their home. There are assisted living centers that permit married couples to live together and will accept medicaide to supplement the cost. Find one for them - soon.

There is NO SHAME in admitting that you can't care for your parents in any longer. You need to be a rested, relaxed daughter to maintain your love and patience when you ARE with them. By letting someone else worry about the utility bills, the meal prep, medications, transport to doc visits, activities - it frees you up to visit a few times a week, to be their advocate with doctors and enjoy their company. It frees you up to do things you enjoy too. It's not selfish or self-centered. Don't feel guilty, you've done all you can and without anyone else to help your resentment toward your parents and siblings will only grow. It will eat you from the inside out - I've been there and done that. It's NOT worth it.

Best of luck!!

Wow Companion, I wish I had heard from you earlier. Your idea of presenting how much an "outside" person would cost would have worked far greater than the way I worded it.
I ended up getting a response from 3 of my 5 siblings and they each agreed to give me $40.00 a month. So I will hopefully receive a whopping $120.00 (total) per month help from them.