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My mother had a stroke and has lost speech and paralyzed on right side. How can I get Power of Attorney? She can't speak or write!

Asked by information  |  Jan 5, 2012

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She has no properties nor any money. I have been taking care of her finances because I had her cheque book and bank card. I have always had her the code for her debit card. So.... I have been taking care of everything for a long time but now the long term facility wants me to get power of attorney. I have 2 brothers which have given me letters acknowledging that I am to take care of my mom's health & financial issues, none have any problems with this.
How am I supposed to get power of attorney, when my mom can't communicate and can't sign anything?? Does anyone have any suggestions???

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Carol Bradley Bursack, Jan 6, 2012

Over the span of two decades author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Because of this experience, Bradley Bursack created a portable support group, the book "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories."

 

Please contact an estate attorney. With your brother's letters and the history of handling your mother's accounts, there must be a way. A POA is a legal document anyway, and therefore it's best to have legal help. Look in your phone book, or better yet get local referrals, for an estate attorney and then ask how to go about this.
Good luck,
Carol

 
 

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NancyH

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Jan 5, 2012

What about the nursing home where you're supposed to take her? Would they be able to tell you how to do this? I know this is not the first time they've had to deal with this stuff right? What about her bank? Can't you pick someone's brain there?

 
 

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JaneB

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Jan 10, 2012

Your County probate office might have a form you can file for this. Alternatively, you can likely find a medical POA form on line for your state. Just google The social worker in the facility will also be able to help if you ask; they probably won't volunteer. Even if your Mom can't sign, she can give assent to the POA, and have it witnessed. You will need someone (and in Maryland, TWO someones) who is NOT family and not on staff at the nursing home to be the witness(es). It's not as hard as it sounds. And what it does is give the nursing home someone to ask for consent to treat is your Mom is unconscious or otherwise unable to give consent.

There is a great form on the web called, "Aging with Dignity: The Five Questions" that people can fill out with an elder that puts the elder's wishes in writing: I want this kind of treatment and not that. I want to be revived under these conditions. Getting that lets you have some hard discussions about what you Mom really wants but in a positive framework. AND it will mean that, should you need to step in, you and everyone else will know what your Mom wants you to do. You can do both these steps together, or consecutively.
I am wondering if what feels scary about this is not the practical steps of getting MPOA, but the idea that you might be "in charge" of your Mom, and could make a "mistake." The thing to know is that it empowers someone to have a MPOA appointed, because they are selecting an agent, of sorts, to speak for them when they can't. You aren't in charge; your Mom's wishes are in charge. You would just be the mouthpiece for speaking those wishes.

I hope this helps! Good luck!

 
 

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Kilanchoe

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Jan 20, 2012

My mom is was 56 when she had a very similar stroke in Sept of 2010. I was worried about the same things. I saw a local lawyer who drew up Medical POA papers and Financial POA papers. Best to get them both done at the same time if possible. The hospital should have a notary there. Once the notary feels that your mom knows what she is signing, then your mom can make an X for her signature and it can then be notarized. My mom is paralyzed on the right side and also lost her speech. I was beside myself at first with worry of what was going to happen, but just as the hospital was tranfering her to a rehab facility about 10 days after her stroke, they agreed to sign the papers. I was there all day every day supporting her as much as I could until I had to go back to work, so they knew that I was going to take care of her. I hope this information helps! Good luck and make sure to take care of yourself! You are no good to anyone else if you don't do that. I have learned that along the way. I hope the best for all of you!

 
 

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