How do I get my mother out of a nursing home?

You tell the staff that you are bringing her home for a visit, and you never take her back. Then when they call you to ask where she is or when you are bringing her back, you tell them she isn't coming back. We are keeping her here. Make sure you call her retirement income sources IMMEDIATELY to stop her checks from going to the home.

It is not difficult to have someone discharged from a nursing home. Contact their Doctor and request he/she write a discharge order. If the doctor feels your loved can receive the type of support required there is no problem. If the Doctor feels the level of care required can not be received in the home than maybe you should reconsider. However, if you still feel this is the right choice, tell the facility you want to discharge your loved one AMA (aginst medical advice). Under the law the nursing home must comply. They may have to call and report this to the state as an unsafe discharge and the state will send out an investigator to assure proper care is being received. If they deem the care adiquate there is no problem.

You don't have to go through all that red tape and getting doctor ok's to take your Mom out of the dog kennel. Actually, a dog kennel treats dogs better than a nursing home treats your loved one. I DO agree with examining if you can give your Mom the level of care she needs at home though. If not, then there are people you can hire to come in to your home and take care of things.

First of all, it would help if you told us about your mother's health; how she ended up in the nursing home; and the level of care she needs.

Second, not all nursing homes care less for their residents than a dog kennel treats dogs.

Third, in my own mother's case, her neurologist has said she would need skilled nursing care 24 hours a day. She is totally bedridden; very prone to seizures; and has had some mild heart attacks. Her long term health care insurance would not pay anything for her care at home other than home health care and home builder care. My step-dad is much older than her; is confined to his wheel chair; often falls asleep watching tv and is getting harder and harder to wake up. I'm on disability as is my wife and we have two teenage boys. There is not enough room for us to move into their house nor enough room for them to move into our house. Plus, with my childhood issues with my mother, it would be terribly unhealthy.

Fourth, is your mother asking to come home and not understand or capable of understanding why she can't? Has this made you feel fearful of being angry at you; obligated to obey mom; and fear guilty if you don't?

Fifth, who is going to care for your mother and is there enough money to provide the level of care needed?

I agree -give us more info why do you want her out of there who is going to do the caregiveing if it is you and this is all new to you read post here and on grossed out going back some so you know what you are getting yourself in for-if you have never been a caregiver you have no idea how hard it is are you able to keep going with next to no sleep day after day after year after year-think this over real seriously.

I took care of my, much loved Mom for 10+years, didn't want to hear anything about nursing homes-not for her !!! Well the time did come when I just couldn't do it anymore and she was placed in a NH. Much to my surprise, she was treated great, and I will admit that I wish I would have done it sooner. I now weigh 101 lbs, was 135, she wouldn't have wanted that. She passed into heaven july 7th and I feel no guilt, I just miss her terribly. Do a lot of thinking before taking her out. My Mom had dementia.

Indeed, for so many older adults the phrase 'nursing home' sounds like a modern title for the old 'poor house.' While they are not all perfect and often you do get what you pay for, they are much better than the stereotype which is taking a long, hard time to die.

Upon entry to ANY nursing home, Ahhhhh, what is that aroma that literally makes your eyes water, nose burn and makes you feel like you need to shower beFORE you get back into your car? Yes, that's right. URINE. While you see the Nurse's Aide's gossipping and giggling over in a corner, and NEVER see a Maintenance or Housekeeping person ANYWHERE in site.
Case in point- NURSING HOME FACILITIES NEED TO HIRE MORE STAFF, THEY ARE OVERWORKED, OVERLOADED AND UNDERSTAFFED! This COULD be the reason for the cases of neglect, foul odors and the interest from elders to want to be placed in one. They lose their privacy, independence, dignity (in most cases), and of course their will to try anymore. Here's an idea, Instead of raising taxes with referendum's to help school district's that claim they are in financial trouble, (caused by overspending and outlandish administrative salaries), let's get on the band wagon to help nursing home facilities with monies to raise pay scales for nursing staff, and maintenance and housekeeping staff. If there were actual rewards for choosing a career in a nursing home, there would be many more people seeking employment in these facilities and the DREADED words "nursing home" would have a much different and NEEDED ring to them.

sylvester18,

Generalizations like above do not hold water. I've visited plenty of nursing home which are not of the variety you describe above. The only ones that come close to what you are describing are in very remote, underprivileged, and poor economic areas. I'm sorry you have such a negative outlook.

I agree we would need more information on your mother's health and the reasons you want to bring her home. Having the ability to care for a loved one is wonderful, but it is a balance. You must be able to manage your own health care and stress levels. I took care of my mother for three years at home and it was such a blessing. It was not without struggles and much stress. My first advice, be sure you can take care of yourself and her first. I ended up in the hospital with sleep depravation and care giver fatigue, balance is a must. Please provide details as to why you want to bring her home. It is awesome if you can mange, but you must review all areas of concern before just yanking her out. Seniors do not adjust to change very fast, so you must concern yourself with what is in the best interest of your mother.
Blessings, Bridget Wetterer