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My mother has dementia and end stages of heart disease. How can I get her into assisted living when she keeps insisting that she can still live at home?

Asked by cherylsheehan | Mar 3, 2010

Answers 1 to 2 of 2

Carol Bradley Bursack, Mar 4, 2010

Over the span of two decades author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Because of this experience, Bradley Bursack created a portable support group, the book “Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories.” Her sites, www.mindingourelders.com and www.mindingoureldersblogs

This is extremely common. She will likely, after an adjustment time, like assisted living. Many people feel safer and also like having the social outlet. Getting them there is hard, however, as they don't want change. That is normal.

I'd suggest you try some non-family help - a leader of her faith community, a doctor or a respected friend. This type of person can sometimes convince an elder that change is needed, when a family member can't.
If worse comes to worse, you can have social services do a welfare check on her. If she is in danger, they will push for the move.

Good luck,
Carol

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Ralph Robbins, Mar 4, 2010

Ralph S. Robbins, CFP© is a fully licensed Certified Financial Planning Practitioner specializing in Eldercare Financial Planning. He works everyday helping families in crisis find creative ways to fund long-term care expenses and deal with family financial issues.

I just went through a similar situation with a client of mine. His mother is 92 years old and has been living in a wonderful Section 8 elderly housing complex for 30 years. She suffers from dementia and multiple chronic conditions. She was becoming a hazard to herself and others and the complex asked her to leave.

Her son hired private help (the complex required two 12 hour shifts costing $360 per day as opposed to a live-in help at half that price) until he could make arrangements.

When he finally called for help she was almost out of money and had she really had no option left but a dementia specific skilled nursing facility under Medicaid. Mom didn't have a valid power of attorney or health care surrogate and getting her on Medicaid was going to take a few weeks. And she was, naturally, not willing to move.

Although 92 and demented, this sweet lady has quite a feisty streak in her (she tried to choke one of her aides one night). How in the world, the son wanted to know, was he going to get her to go?

I reached out to other professionals in the area and was told of a mobile mental health unit that performs crisis intervention and Baker Acts (involuntary commitment in Florida), I got a call from a wonderful guy who works for an adult psychiatric company who also made several calls for me and we went over the usual ideas of family, social workers, therapists, clergy, friends, etc. that may be able to successfully intervene. Lastly, I was told that our county and many local police jurisdictions have crisis intervention teams trained to deal with the elderly.

In the end, though, it went down like this: One of her aides seemed to bond with her. The son and the RN/social worker from the complex told her that her doctor wanted her to go for some tests. The son and the aide took her to the facility. They had prearranged with the admissions staff and they greeted her and brought her to her room.

That was it.

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