Funds low, disgruntled MIL. Any advice?

Is MIL on disability? Has she applied?

Her doctor cannot name you caregiver. He or she can suggest that MIL can't live alone, and can write down in the medical files that you are taking care of her, but there is nothing official in the sense of obligating you about being her caregiver or paying her way financially.

Here is what I suggest. I don't know about Colorado, but it worked wonderfully for me in Minnesota: Call your county Social Services department and ask for a needs assessment for MIL. The worker who comes out will determine what kinds of services MIL needs, what she might be eligible for not only within the county but other local and national programs, and then direct you to how to apply for whatever she may qualify for. This is not likely to include manicures, but it could include food stamps, or Meals on Wheels, or transportation to medical appointments, some in-home help, all the way up to care center placement. You won't know until you try.

An adult day health program may be suitable. Perhaps having her looked after during the day would allow you to work.

MIL did not ask for epilepsy. She did not ask for dementia. Perhaps the fact that she is used to getting what she wants is the fault of her personality or the fault of well-meaning folks who supported her in the expectation. But the reality is that she can no longer get what she wants. Without blaming her or being angry or mean, you need to stick to truth of the situation. If she holds her breath or sulks or refuses to eat or ... any other blackmail tactics, you have to remain kind but firm. She cannot have what you cannot afford.

You and your husband are both very kind and compassionate to try to care for this ill woman. I hope you can get some public assistance of some kind to ease the burden on you a bit.

This is a difficult problem. Since your MIL is only 62 years old, this will probably be a long-term situation that needs a solution. The main problem seems to be that there isn't enough money. Your husband seems to be doing what he can do. Is there something you could do at home that would earn a little money? Does your MIL qualify for some extra assistance. There has to be a way to bring in a little extra, instead of living so close to the edge. Maybe it would be productive to put your heads together and figure out how to raise your household income so you can be comfortable. Surprise bills happen to us all. It's nice to have a little tucked back for emergencies.

Your husband donated blood to get food and cigarettes?

He enables her to smoke by selling his own blood? Something's very wrong with this picture, as the saying goes.

Why doesn't she quit smoking and then you can spend that money on food instead of wasting it on something toxic?

I would just tell her you're on a budget and cigarettes are no longer affordable. Check with her doctor to determine if she can wear nicotine patches, or what other methods can be used to stop smoking.

Try a nearby church food pantry if you can. She should be on Medicare at the very least, no matter how old she is, even if she is under 62. Colorado is a medical cannabis state, and cannabis controls epilepsy. See if that helps.

Have you looked into qualifying for Food Stamps? Many people ate eligible but don't know it. Is she receiving SSI or SSDI? If she isn't getting either of those benefits get an application in the works.

We had to move in together because of abuse she was receiving from her other son. She does receive income it's hardly anything. She can't cook, she can't use a knife, she doesn't understand stores and gets overwhelmed when she is in them. She doesn't know how to budget with food. If she used bought her own food she would use it for mcdonalds for breakfast lunch and dinner and have either my husband or myself drive her. She needs 24 hour care because of her epilepsy. She could have a seizure at any moment. She has no drivers license anymore it was revoked because of it. She has 17 to 20 seizures a month. Her doctor named me her caregiver.

Nennie, if she is in the early stages of dementia, she doesn't really need someone with her all the time. As long as she has someone to drive it sounds like all she needs. I wondered why she was living with you and not in her own place. Does she have any income? Is it part of the budget? I wondered why she wasn't spending her own money, instead of expecting you to buy for her.