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How do you handle everything? I lost my 29 year old daughter suddenly and am now taking care of my 92 year old mother. I feel alone out here and don’t think I can handle anything more.

Asked by jazzsmom | Jul 2, 2009

I work full time. I am still grieving. I just feel out here all alone.

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Jul 3, 2009

The death of your dughter is far more devastating than any problem you could possibly have with your aging mother. You must be going through anguish and sadness at your loss. I personally would be kind to your 92 year -old mother, but I would not go out of my way to put an extra effort into your mother's care. Be kind to her, be supportive and care for her, but don't over do it, because you have your own sadness to deal with. What does she think about the death of your daughter?, her granddaughter?

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Cat

Give a Hug

Jul 3, 2009

Hey Alley,

There is a special kind of lonely and stress when you lose someone you love & are also a caregiver as well. Taking care of your granddaugher & your mom at the same time as working is not easy - and I know from personal experience part of the loneliness / grief comes from the fact that most of the people you see on any given day will never understand how you feel, or realize that you need them to take the time to listen to the subtext of what you say. Its kind of like being the invisible woman. Grief has its own timeline, but it needs to be acknowledged & honored - something our society doesn't do any more. No time, everyone into themselves, work to be done.

Although grief works itself out over time (years) it does have a way of returning to remind you of your loss, when that happens I always try to find the positive, simply because any negative feelings just compound the grief & responsibilities you are carrying. Perhaps like you I had to handle things because I have no option but to do so. I know no one will catch me if I fall, but I have someone who is completely dependant on me....so I make light of it & move on to the next thing to be done. Talk - here on this board if nowhere else - to your hearts content about your daughter and your feelings and your worries. Share any small joys you have. It is a good outlet, and you can say as much or as little as you want.

On this site there are many people posting who can relate or share similar experiences. Some you will learn from, some will learn from you. The good part is that no matter what you want to ask or say somebody will get it and respond. Just take it slow & be kind to yourself. I hope you share some of what your are carrying & lay down some of that load.

take care -

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