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MiaMadre
Give a Hug
Nov 4, 2010
Welcome to the group. You didn't state why he was the nursing home. It really doesn't matter what the reason is, but if you cannot take care of him yourself, then make sure that he is being taken care of in the nursing home, visit him often (even daily if you can for dinner perhaps) and then know that he is in a secure helpful place. See to it that he is involved in activities at the nursing home and if he is not interested in very much, make sure that he is PART of the activities, even if it is discussing his hobby to a group. When he asks to come home, provide him with the BEST answer why he cannot: "The doctor's want you to be here with medical help, "I" cannot provide that at home, and I want you to have the best care possible! If he is aware (no dementia) this may just work. If he has dementia/Alzheimer's you will have to be more creative. I never said 'goodbye' to my mother when she was in the rehab/nursing home. I would tell her I was going to the 'store' did she need anything? I would tell her that I would be right back, just going down the hall to check on a friend, to get the mail, to get something out of my car. As you can see I would make Pinnochio look like a amateur when it came to 'creative lying' but tell the truth to my mother would only upset her, make it impossible for me to leave, or put her in a very difficult mood for the staff to have to deal with. (I couldn't spend the night there).Be reassuring that his stay is very important to his health, but don't dwell on this 'subject'. When you visit, bring a project with you for you both to work on. It doesn't have to be too complicated, even looking through magazines for something can prove to be fun. Keep it simple, but fun.God Bless... I hope these suggestions help. Post more information if you need more specific help.
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NancyH
It probably would depend heavily upon whether your husband does have dementia/alz. Can he still be logical? If not, then that's a whole different thing. If he still has his wits about him, you tell him that you would like nothing better than to have him come home. That you wish you could turn back time to when he was well and you two were living happily together. But things have changed, you just can't do it by yourself. And if the roles were reversed, you would hope that you would be agreeable to him about that too. You are validating his feelings not dismissing them, but at the same time, things have got to stay as they are now. This is all contingent on him still having his wits about him though. And if you think he can come home for a few hours and not be miserable to have to go back, get him the heck out of there for awhile with a change of scenery. Sorry about your hubby.
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