How can I get my mom to go into assisted living when she is a hoarder and will not give up her things?

My mom was same, trusted no one but strangers. My brother has no contact with her, I had to place her in the home with only power of att papers. I didnt want to be held responsible for her debt or anything that arrised. She wanted her dog, clothes and house brought with her. I just agree and tell her Im working on it. She has dementia as well and there behavior changes constantly. So ignore most of what she says and do what you believe needs to be done. Only take what she needs to start and just tell her theres no room to bring all in vehicle that you will come back for it. Some homes allow pets. My moms does I just bring hers to visit due to she cant take care of him. Do what works for you. I have had to learn not to listen to what mom tells me to do and be her mom and tell her fibs to make her hopefull for that moment. Next minute its something else anyway. Just be patient and do what works for you....

My 90-year-old father was the same way. Nothing worked -- until I thought of the one person he respected more than any other and who would not put up with his rage and resistance. I enlisted this person, who came to the house and told my father in kind but firm terms that the house and garage were filthy and a health hazard, and the health authorities wouldn't even let him keep the dog if the place weren't cleaned up. He then agreed to move to this friend's house while the clean-up took place. The garage was so bad that the haz-mat people had to be called in because there were so many ancient half-open cans of turpentine, paint, paint thinner, and gas -- not too far from the ancient furnace -- that one of them said the house could have blown up. It also took more than a dozen dumpster loads to make a dent in the stuff he had accumulated since 1954. If you can't call on a trusted friend, I'd recommend calling the authorities, who have had experience dealing with hoarders. Hope this helps.

Be careful getting guardianship of her. You are taking a HUGE RISK by doing this. If you do it, and your mom stays on her own, and is hurt, injured or killed. You will be held liable for everything. Be VERY careful. Good luck.

My mom didn't want to move out of her house but wasn't safe being home alone anymore since she has dementia so I had to find her an assisted living facility and one day we just went over there and I ended up just leaving her there. For about 2 months she called me every name in the book and I felt guilty every day. Eventually she finally accepted the ALF as home. When she wanted something that wasn't reasonable I would just say okay and then she would forget anyways. It was a very tough decision but well worth it in the long run.Good Luck

Not that this is really on the topic, but Chiron, I've used this site for a while, now, and NEVER gotten spam about assisted living, so if I were you, I wouldn't be too quick to blame this website. :) Peace.

My heart goes out to you. Do you know what it would take to get her declared in need of conservatorship? It sounds like you are gathering the information at least. The reality is that you will, in the end, NOT be able to allow her to stay in an unsafe environment. And it will feel, to her, like you have turned against her. So do what you can to get ready for the barrage of venom she will direct her way. It may be worth paying a non-family member to be the conservator, if there's money for it, so you can play good cop. Good luck to you.

I visited your site and now I am getting spam for "assisted living" all of a sudden - thanks a lot.

Sounds like mine, but mine hits and it's getting worse. No one will help, not even the police. She lives in an exclusive neighborhood. No one there wants to kick and elderly person out. So she just continues her bizarre behavior. She has thrown everyone out and then calls them like nothing has happened. She has hoarded old clothes for the last 50 years. Everyone is afraid of her. She pays her bills on time.
She really hasn't changed that much, just old now.
The answer is in the wind?

You are surely in a difficult situation caring for your mother.