Home » Caregiver Support » Family & Relationships » Questions » How do I get my parents home for the holidays…

How do I get my parents home for the holidays?

Asked by sumlerc  |  Oct 1, 2011

 Print

Email Email

I'm dreaming of having Mom and Dad home for Thanksgiving but here's the deal. Mom had a mild stroke, has a very high level of anxiety, she's on the Excelon Parch and Namenda (sp?) with handable mobility problems and very low vision, some incontinence, plus Diabetic. Dad, is a wheelchair bound Stroke and heart attack patient, totally incontinent and requires help with eatting for which he is very dis-agreeable for family members to help with the later 2 issues.
Am I bing unrealistic about trying to bring back a portion of the good ole days? My help is limited, has anyone been here done this?
Mom is not likely to leave Dad and I understand. Of course I could have Thanksgiving Dinner at the NH, but the dreamer in me would love to have them home together just one more time.
Thank you all for your help.

Answer This Question

 
 
 
  •  Answers 1 to 4 of 4 
 
 

Carol Bradley Bursack, Oct 5, 2011

Over the span of two decades author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Because of this experience, Bradley Bursack created a portable support group, the book "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories."

 

Yes, it's lovely to dream : ) Now, into reality. It's quite likely that your mom would feel confused and agitated by changes in environment, to say nothing of you trying to handle the physical challenges. You are obviously a kind, loving person. You'll do fine with taking the holiday to them. I had to make that choice - it went on for years. Holidays at home for my kids, plus holidays at the nursing home. It was not perfect, but it was okay.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol

 
 

(0)

Report this Post 

 

sumlerc

Give a Hug

Oct 2, 2011

I must admit, after reading my own post...It just does not sound like a good time to be had by all. Oh well, no regrets! I have many fond memories of holidays and regular days with my parents. It's time to move on and I can accept that. Plus, I want the last memories to be good memories. I'm fully awake now. Thanks Jeannegibbs.

 
 

Helpful Answer (3)

Report this Post 

 

jeannegibbs

Give a Hug

Oct 2, 2011

Ah, sumlerc, what a nice dream. And I do so wish you could pull it off. But I think it is too late.

I am not speaking from direct experience but I know that even my dream of having a holiday event with all my sisters and brothers and their families. like we used to do, is unrealistic. Families grow; none of our homes would hold us all. Some have moved away. New family members mean new in-laws and schedule conflicts. I have my memories of earlier times, and am learning to cherish new holiday experiences.

Your situation just doesn't sound like a Norman Rockwell moment, you know? Mom's anxiety would probably be high, Dad would be unhappy about needing family help with eating and toileting -- it is bad enough when professionals to it, and you, tired from all the preparations, would be facing difficult caregiving.

Could you bring a little of your traditional TG meal to the NH? The gravy boat you broke when you were 8, Dad mended with super glue, and you've been using ever since? A special centerpiece? Placemats that Aunt Lucy gave you the year she visited? Or do you have a special recipe? Let the NH prepare the meal, but bring the cranberry rhubard sauce you have every year or your own special pumpkin pie.

Are there any other holiday traditions you could modify and re-enact? Or new traditions that would fit the new circumstances? Could you take each parent out, briefly and separately, to shop for a gift for the other one?

I don't know. It is heartbreaking, but your purpose it to create a memory for yourself and pleasure for your parents, and it just doesn't sound like Thanksgiving at your home is going to do that.

Maybe others have done this and will give you tips on how to make it work.

 
 

Helpful Answer (2)

Report this Post 

 

Hopeful2011

Give a Hug

Oct 17, 2011

I appreciate the question and all of the right on the target answers. I have been considering the same as well, and reading the above was a tremendous help--having a special meal at the familiary NH, and bringing something from the past--is a great idea. Thank you!

 
 

Helpful Answer (1)

Report this Post 

  •  Answers 1 to 4 of 4 

Answer this Question

Please stay on topic or ask a new question.

Find Senior Housing And Care That Fits You Needs

I am looking for:
Search location:











Housing


Care


Join the Discussion

Have a question? Just need to vent? Find answers and support from the real experts - other caregivers!

Recent Community Activity

are there other people who are no longer caregivers, but still come to the forum?
Answered 1 min ago by cattails

Should I pay off my grandma's house?
Answered 17 mins ago by bilmo2012

Grossed Out? Need to Vent? Just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!
Comment 21 mins ago by cuz49341

Why is dad telling everyone I lied about having cancer? He should be happy they got it in surgery!
Answered 28 mins ago by sebring

Early-Onset Alzheimer's: When a Caregiver Needs Care
Comment 2 hrs ago by Chimonger

More From The Community »

Stay Connected

Sign up for our newsletter and receive practical tips and support for caregivers

 

Like AgingCare.com on Facebook