My 91-year-old mother has not interests except doing everything with me, are there any activities for her so that I can have a break?

As much as I understand how challenging it can be to care for your mother, and given the length of time you have been doing so, I can understand how exhausting it can be perhaps there is some light I can shed on the situation.

With her dementia, she actually may look to you as her 'motivation' since her mind is failing her. She will mirror your behaviors in an effort to appear to KNOW what she is doing, even if her memory doesn't allow her.

Mirroring is adopting similar actions, tone, and volume of voice of someone (else). This technique is based on the human behavior theory that people like, trust and feel comfortable with people that are similar to them. Mirroring is not imitating or mocking. We ofen do this too, if someone is leaning in close to speak to you with a calm and low voice, then you would also lean in close and use a low tone of voice. If you are unfamiliar with this behavior, please talk to a doctor that is familar with this unique behavior.

Try to get someone to come in and help you. This will help you too. I found that without 'outside help' my patience was less than perfect after only FIVE years of helping my mother.

It must be very difficult for our parents to 'forget' how to do even the simplest of tasks. When I lost sight of this I would just imagine myself in France (I do not speak French, save a few words) and then try to carry on daily activities. The example could continue whereby I was unable to order dinner since no one understood a word I was saying. This 'example' helped me when I couldn't understand why my mother wasn't motivated to say or do anything without my help. The truth was: she couldn't REMEMBER how to do the simpliest of tasks without my help.

See if having someone else come in to help you makes matters better. And come here and vent your concerns. Others will add their wisdom and experiences that I am sure will help you.

Mom does not "like" TV, newspapers, bingo, looking at pictures, or much of anything that she ever used to like. When reading got too hard without a magnifier, she just quit instead of learning to use a magnifier. Almost anything she could try to do is challenging or taxing due to poor vision, poor hearing, limited cognition, tremor, etc. and she usualy prefers to just sit and wait for her next meal. She does do therapy but refuses to consider trying to make any of it carry over to the after therapy hours!

I have had to console myself with the idea that she is doing what she thinks is right, even though it makes her world smaller and smaller and visits with her get shorter and shorter because there is nothing to do or talk about. It is still her life and she makes her choices as far as she can, I can encourage a little or even a lot but I have no more right to tell her how to live than she had to tell me when we were both younger...

LUCY:

Sounds like she's doing time, doesn't it?

Some days she'll have that "Damn, I'm still here" look in her eyes; other days she'll have those irritating bursts of energy. I suggest you motivate yourself first if you are to help her stop laying or sitting around like a vegetable. If you give the impression that you feel secure about yourself, do your best to look happy, and take her out of the house every once in a while, she might want to "get some of that." ... She's stuck, you're stuck. Girl, there's another world outside those walls. Why not enjoy it?

-- ED

LUCY:

Forgive me, but I had another of those "senior moments" and completely forgot your mom suffers from dementia. That also has a lot to do with her behavior. Maybe I should have myself checked out. I've been forgetting a lot of things lately. Be well my friend, and keep us posted.

-- ED

Does she go to Adult Day care? My mom can get bored doing things all by herself. She really does enjoy being around others -some of the time. Even with dementia she has to get out, physically move, socalize some.
Make sure to leave things out for her to come across and catch her interest, without you telling her she should do something. I really got tired of "getting into trouble" by my mom by trying to be too helpful with suggestions. Assorted boxes and old jewelry makes great projects for sorting, a rack of purses and scarves catch interest. Who cares where they go? How they are use? I hope some of this is helpful. Leave the magnifing glass out with her favoriote magazines. Don't mention it to her. Does she have some cheap reading glasses from the dollar store? Find fancy ones and leave those out.

i appreciate all replies.and i recommend your mother not to take any medicare service.it loads a stress at this age.take your mother to some new environment.she must be in recommendation with good agencies and care giving service provider.they definitely help you a lot with no medicine.

My grandmother just turn 89 and enjoys doing nothing, she will tell you she wants to get out and as soon as you get her out the house she wants to go home, which rubs to to no end. once we get to where we're going the first thing she says is i'm sick and need to go home. how to you handle that do i just make her stay or take her home, if she's sitting there crying then i'm not havign a good time. i'm done with taking her anywhere.