My dad is in a home and doing just okay. He is a very prideful man and some of his old time friends want to visit him. Will this be good for him or will it embarrass him? I am so concerned about his dignity and such.
to Yakyak...yes, you need help!! There should be some assistance out there....call your drs office. Nursing care or home health aide, to someone to help with the daily chores in your home. If I needed help they said it was there for me...I watch over my Dad and step-mom...I live with them, I'm a senior too just not as senior! Or respite help so you can get out of the house safely!! Good luck and keep the chin up....maybe your church/place of worship has help available too.
I agree, as I mentioned but am curious why you say one at a time? I also agree with that, but the siblings get furious when I limit them to a few at a time. As I said, whatever makes them happy is good! lol !
Oh... this question breaks my heart. Of course they should come. They should be "filled in" on his current state of mind. They should tell him what they appreciate about him. You may see him become who he used to be. Bring on the visitors. Just one at a time.
I too think it depends on the person and the situation. My husband is pretty far along in dementia, so I was going to plan just a small birthday party for him, but when I asked, he wanted lots of people. So we had about 15-20, and he seemed to enjoy himself. Granted, he talked to some of them about some wacky "plot" to earn millions (which his son said was the story of a Nicholas Cage movie!), but it was quite revealing to a few relatives about what I'm going through, and it didn't bother him a hoot that they looked at him a bit oddly at times. Only problem is, if he has company he can be more out of it that night, so we've taken to having gatherings at lunch time so he has time to wind down. All you can do is try -have a couple people over, warn them what to expect, and see how it goes.
Whatever makes him happy, do it, they live in the moment. If my Mom has too many visitors she acts like she in a fog and unresponsive for days to a week. I limited the visitors and she is okay now. Its kind of like a Holiday when too much is too much and you see them decline for days and return to themselves again. Play it by ear, see how he is afterwards. He key is "Happiness."
I find that 1 or 2 visitors aat a time is ok with my mom in law with dementia. When she gets in a crowd, she seems to get more confused. She tried hard to act like she knows everyone, talks about the weather etc. My husband and I are the ones that take her to any activities, and we monitor the ones we think she will enjoy...but she never remembers going anywhere ..... we even took her to Red Lobster last week..(Her fav place in the world to eat), and she called upset the next day that we did not take her anywhere or even come see her. I think she loves having company, but she gets confused and it also wears her out (she is 81 yrs old)...so one or two in a day may be ok, but not a group of folks.
Try one visitor to start to preserve his privacy and dignity and see how it goes.. could you be there to observe for the first time? My mom loves for me to visit and loves being around the nurses in her NH. I don't think I would have her friends visitor I don't think, maybe close ones but none of them live here. For the reasons you stated, mom can't carry on a conversation so maybe the friends just want to look? That's why I suggest start with one.
My husband was told by a Dr. that he had dementia about 2 years ago. I knew as much as 5 0r 7 years before that something was wrong. He does not want to go back to a Dr. I have not pushed him. I'm his self-appointed care taker. I'm 84 he is 80. Sometimes things get scary to me. Am I doing the right thing. He is not mean or hard to handle but he does not want to bath and wont eat when its time to eat then is hungry 10 minutes later. Many events too much to name. Friends and other don't seem to think there is much wrong but they see him for 30 minutes at the most. He always acts good around people. Is it me that needs help?
I agree w/NancyH. My Aunt is 95 & she has senile dementia & has no short-term memory from almost minute to minute, but I sitll look at it that she will be happy in the moment so I don't look at the fact that she will forget. I think somewhere in her brain... somewhere in there.... she will have some inward "knowing" (even if she can't remember the specific event or thing we did) that we love and care about her. I think that in the moment your Dad may enjoy his friends coming.
Ali, I've learned since looking out for my mother-in-law, to live in the moment. There are times that her family is apt to exclude her from things because they know she'll never remember them, and they think 'why bother?'. But I also know that she loves whatever it is, for the moment. The next day she'll swear up and down that she NEVER went to her grandson's wedding reception. And that was exactly what some family said would happen (duh) but I feel like I have to 'have her back' so to speak. I feel like I'm the one looking out for her interests when it comes to including her in activities that I KNOW she'd love, if she had her brain again. Make sure you take pictures of your dad and his friends together when they visit though. He'll not remember, so to have the reminder that his buddies still care, is most important.
He said yes. Let the visitors come. I think that if he is so confused he can't understand that question then he is probably not with it enough for him to be concerned about his dignity. And if he does understand the question, then his answer should be respected.
As I said, whatever makes them happy is good! lol !