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What can I do if my siblings promised that they would support me being the full-time caregiver of their mother but they don’t help?

Asked by libbyg1999 | Jun 23, 2010

One, that just came up was whether or not she had taken her medication. She has dementia and insists that she had already taken it and I know for a fact she has not. The pill box clearly shows the AM and PM and I just filled it yesterday. She says she took some other she had which is impossible. She gets defensive and mean and I can't win. I am soo tired of arguing and clinically depressed most of the time. I curse the day I agreed to move home and care for her (4.5ys now) I just feel soo burned out and no longer seem to have any feelings at all for her. My two brothers and sister show up on the weekends and she is mostly on her best behavior and that really makes me mad. No stinky diapers or general disagreeableness...it's like she saves it for me.I now spend as little time w/her as possible by hiding in my room doing the bare minimum. I blame my siblings for letting this happen as they promised me they would support me the whole way.If I stay I am unhappy and if I leave guiltridden!

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Ilovemymommie

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Jun 23, 2010

Hi Libby,
I 'm sorry you are going thru this, I do know how you feel. My mom has been with us for 5 1/2 years. She has alzheimers & dimentia. It has been difficult and I too feel as they say 'damned if you do and damned if you don't'. It is a heavy load to bear daily.
My mom did the same thing with her medication.Mom's doctor told me to have mom take her pills in front of me so I could see her taking them and I also took the medication out of mom's room since she could no longer remember if she had taken a pill or not. Yes, mom fought it in the begining, but I told her it's doctors orders. Maybe you could try that. Hang in there, you are not alone, I will pray for you! Theresa <3

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libbyg1999

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Jun 23, 2010

Thanks Theresa....It means a lot to me to know I am not alone.

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anne123

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Jun 23, 2010

Libby, no you are not alone, by any means. I feel for you....you have a lot of reasons to feel burned out and I understand. I "get" the part too about your mother being on her best behavior when your siblings come for the weekend, and then once they're gone, you get a different Mom. I have been through that with my father. He saves his very worst behavior for me, when I am alone with him. So it is no use to look for sympathy from my relatives, because they have never seen the "Mr. Hyde" side of my father. That is why I come here to agingcare. People here get it and they give plenty of support and sympathy. Then I can go to my father and give him better care and attention because I have been strengthened by this site. I hope that you find the same "strengthening effect" by coming here. I would say to you to really try to find any time you can to nurture yourself. Set whatever limits are possible in your situation (limits on your mother, that is) to carve out at least some time for you, and get whatever rest is possible. And if you are quite depressed and it isn't going away, you can talk to you doctor about it. He/she can be a big source of support for you, and might even suggest some medication. I don't mean to be a drug -pusher, but sometimes medication really works, and often it's only for a temporary period. Good luck.

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