How can I cope with aggressive treatment by staff of me and my mother at a rehab center?

I meant an ombudsman not an omnibus person.

I'm really tired. I've been dealing with this latest catastrophe since 12/22.

I'm having difficulty thinking straight.

Well what the heck is going on? Maybe you're talking to the wrong people when you go see your mom. Maybe it's the doctor in charge at rehab you should be talking to, not the flunkies. I know you don't want to get them on the defensive, that's only going to aggravate the situation, but you still need answers. Maybe you should be checking to see if there's been other complaints about this place. I'd be walking the halls looking for people that's visiting their relatives and have a friendly chat. There could be a trend at this place, and that may decide what you do next. What a bummer.

What? Maybe the problem is your approach. No one at a hospital should be called a flunkie. My twins are RN's worked at Duke Medical have a Bachelor's Degree. It is hard work and the hospitals do not hire enough staff in order to save money. Everyone is usually trying their best and it is often very stressful. if you can befriend a nurse or doctor, you may see the doors open. Don't take a hostile attitude because it will not help you or you Mom. But do get to the bottom of what is causing you distress. Maybe the problem is the hospital. Everyoneof them is different. Good Luck

Seems you cannot ask a question without being labeled. I asked a MA not to put my 95 year old mother up on a bed that they have in all the patients rooms at the doctors. She laughed at me. I said, ' do you want to take care of her if she breaks her hip? No? I will have to do it, you won't come to the house.' Maybe that was a bit strong but when I request something for my Mother's protection I don't expect a sassy answer from an MA. I am sure that they have labeled me and labeled me prejudice because she is another race (which I couldn't care less!). People are people and a request is a request. They think that they are so high and mighty because they are in the medical profession. I do believe they deserve respect, but so do we! The doctor is a gem. Always professional and courteous. The thing is, there are always new MAs there and we go at least once a month or every six weeks. I wonder why the turn over is so high. Mom has been going there for over 10 years. I just don't know.

By the way, I am NOT prejudice. I believe that all races should be nice to all. I think she was prejudice to me but I wouldn't say so to the doctor. You really have to be careful.

Are they being abusive or responding to your attitude? Abusive behavior can come from you as well as from them. This type of behavior is not excusable from either party and does little to accomplish your goals or theirs.Keep your attitude nice but probing. Play like you are Columbo, the detective. Get all the information you can and then take all that information and your complaints to whoever is in charge as well as the doctor in charge of your mother. Is there a social worker on their staff? If so, you need to take your concerns to him or her also. If it does not look like they will be making changes for the better then check out other facilities and get her moved ASAP.

I forgot to mention that my Mother was in rehab for the same thing as your mother. It was 2 years ago and Mom was 93 also and it was also at Christmas. I wanted Mom to come home and have in home treatment after she was there a month. (they were pretty good to her, but I wanted her home). I took her to her PCP and asked him about her coming home and having home health care. Also, her surgeon thought she would recover better at home. So, with two doctors agreeing, I got Mom out of there and she made a nice recovery at home. We had help for at least 2 months and Mom is still doing pretty well.

I think what some people don't realize is there is protocol at all the hospitals and probably rehab facilities as well. They do so much just to prevent accidents and law suits, it makes for tons of work for the staff. That is why so many people complain about nurses never being there and always shuffling papers, etc. They would love to not shuffle papers but they have to. And it is getting worse with new laws governing Medicare.

Some may already know this, but due to changes in Healthcare, the hospitals and facilities will be evaluated by the Medicare patients upon discharge. This is to improve patient care. So maybe that is voice some will now have.

You are under such stress, now. Christmas is hard to navigate when you have a loved one in jeopardy. And Christmas is a time when many places of business are dealing with odd schedules due to employees traveling elsewhere for the holidays, so they were probably under stress.

But mainly I am wondering if some of YOUR stress came out in the same stream as your questions, and maybe that shut down the staff. When my sister lived in a nursing facility, I watched the staff shut down when family members came in loaded with a lot of questions and the energy of "you are probably going to give my loved one bad care, and I am here to make sure that she is okay." I think it's only human to react to that kind of energy, even when it comes from a place of love for the family member in care.

Find an ally on staff. Tell that person, "I'm sorry I came on too strong. I'm just so scared for my Mom, and I'm the type of person who needs lots of information to feel on top of the situation. What should I be asking? If this was your mother, what would you be glad to see is happening already? What would you do to make sure that (the cath gets removed asap, etc.). Eating a little dirt, accepting you have some part in the disconnect (just doing the math, we all have a part in any disconnect), and asking for a roadmap of how to navigate their system -- these are things that will help you help your Mom. You don't need to be "right" or an avenger of bad care before it happens. Just be kind, listen and learn, and catch more flies with honey.

I agree my attitude escalated along with that of the staff. I was used to the medical staff at the hospital who were always on top of the situation and had answers. The fact is I can't deal with the staff at the rehab center and my mother who can't be pleased under any circumstances. I've decided to visit my mother briefly every day at 5:30 p.m.when the therapists have gone home.

I spoke with my mother's doctor who told me she can't be moved to skilled nursing until mother does a stint in rehab. This made no sense until I realized that the doctors my mother goes to probably have an investment in the rehab center and funnel their patients thru there for as much of the 20 days of Medicare as they can get.

I'm staying out of it all. I'll do my mother's laundry and visit at the end of the day. I'm too old for this nonsense.

Thanks for all the replies.