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What can I do to get my in-laws to visit when I am caring for their mother-in-law?

Asked by Dianemichael  |  Feb 3, 2010

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I am taking care of my mommy in law,She is 88 I love her a lot but my in laws dont think twice about coming over to visit her So i get yelled at alot not even her son my husband dont get the yelling.I dont want to start any family fights what can i do to get them to visit her with me having them over for dinner.

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bobbie321

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Feb 3, 2010

Who's yelling at you?

Do I understand that they are showing up expecting you to cook dinner? If so, not acceptable. they can call first and show up with a bucket of chicken and enough sides to feed everybody including you!

Do not, under any circumstances, allow anyone to 'yell' at you. There are some very easy and effective ways of dealing with that.
One: It is NOT OK for your to speak to me like that.
Two: Get out. You may return to see mom when you stop acting the fool.

The journey of caretaking is extremely difficult as I am sure you know only too well and friends and family will never understand that, but can be made to understand that the caretaker is not going to take any crap. Your husband needs to be on the same page as you and ready to echo: It's NOT OK for your to speak to my wife like that.

I know you don't want to start any family fights but so what? What I learned from my ongoing caretaking is that for some folks to visit my mother, I had to feel bad. They came, talked a bunch of smack and I was the one left feeling miserable while everyone else had a good time. Oh yes, I also cooked for everyone, happy that my mom was getting some 'friend time'. Nobody cared, nobody helped and whenever I left the room, they took great pains to get in as many Bobbie digs as possible before I returned. I wasn't even hurt, just pissed.

Bottom line? there will be no yelling and no extra work for the caretaker just because some folks want to 'drop in'.

Oh... The easiest way to handle drop ins is don't bother to answer the door.

hang in there and don't take any bs.

Bobbie

 
 

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