Any advice on caring for an alcoholic, lying Dad?

odllovesjdl you have a point there. It took me 3 months to get a court date, but I was granted temporary guardianship in one week (Ohio).

So we went from April 7th with the father living with her for a month with no money and paying for ALL his expenses. Now on the 10th just three little days later MsBeth has taken over control of his money??? What money??? To now the 15th....five days later (two of which were on the weekend) MsBeth is now getting help through AA, Family Service's and has someone coming in to help...It is amazing that you were able to get appointments and help from Family services SO fast...The wheels must move faster in New York. You are so lucky. Amazing too with working 2-3-4 jobs that you had time to get all this squared away in such short order. Now the 24th (nine days later) back to square one? Wow! now three days later and He's gone...Whew!!! So the courts actually moved very fast as well...one thing I really do not understand is how can the courts order anyone to do anything unless there is a trial? The Judge read reports??? and spoke with a lady he used to live with....??? Wow all this happened in less than a month...goodness!!! NOPE I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU!! Good fairytale though.

That's good news indeed. Sometimes even judges DO judge correctly.

Well done. Good luck for the future

GOOD NEWS!! He's gone. I had a lady come in from the county, he lied to her (THANKFULLY I told her the entire story and had witness' and notarized statements from everyone involved) she knew the truth before she even came to my home. (she talked to ALL family members who knew the story) and when she came in he told her I was mean to him, that my house was always dirty, I didn't feed him, and I took his money without him knowing. She told him well we better get you out of here immediately, he now is living in an adult center for elderly. And he has been court ordered to pay me $400.00 a month for all the expense's I gave out to help him. The judge told him (after reading all reports, seeing pictures, and hearing testaments from everyone) his lying put him where he's at and maybe when he tries to take advantage of his children again he should think twice. The judge asked the lady he was living with "did you kick him out or evict him" she said no I didn't even know he was leaving I was in the hospital, the judge said do you want him back she said HELL NO! Not after everything he has done to his daughter and myself. So it' has worked out in my favor thank you everyone. Will be along time before I help any family members again.

You found your father and you want the relationship so bad you will take the abuse? Just like lying isn't illegal, placing him in a Nursing home and loving him at a distance and visiting isn't either. He needs to get into a routine of being cared for, bathing, eating, and meds.,etc. I have a rule in my home, if you don't eat, or take your medicine, I call an ambulance. I am not going to get charged for not feeding an elderly parent, or holding their meds. Lying now, leads to accusations later. COA! Cover your A**!

I agree with others posted here. You owe this man nothing. He isn't a renter who has renter's rights so you CAN evict him or drive him to a bar and drive away (without telling him what you are doing) or something. He's lived this long on his wits, he can continue. And if don't have the emotional strength to do that, find a counselor who can help you build up that strength.

My solution which seems not to have posted this morning was to pre pay for a room in a long stay motel then pack up his sorry arseand take him on a long drive (so he can't find his way back and deposit him there and give him $50 to $100 for food. That will give him enough time to pick up another woman in a bar to move in with. You may need help from your sons or brothers and a bottle of whisky but it can be done. have someone change the locks on the doors while you are delivering him to his new home. He will be fine he's lived on his wits for a very long time. Don't give the motel any contact information for you or your family. You can do it you don't owe him anything. tell the help that he moved out and you don't know where he is. You are not responsible for him. hope we will hear you have done it tomorrow.

Why won't you evict him?

I wish it was that easy, but no I own my home.

Hope you're in an apartment and not a house. If an apartment, give notice and find a new apartment. Then plan a moving afternoon/evening with a moving company (or friends). Take Dear Old Dad to a local pub, give him a hundred dollars and while's he's there, quickly move! Leave a note on the door or with the landlord and say So Sorry Dad...You Ran Out On Us When I Was 2...So Now I'm Doing It To You!

Seriously...you're in for a lot of trouble if you don't cut those strings now and disappear like he did.

MsBeth, it is simply not true that there is nothing you can do. It is your home. You have control over who lives there. If you file an eviction notice and he does not leave, then he will have committed a crime, and can be forced by law enforcement to leave. It may not be as easy as calling a cab and sending him to a care center, but it can be done, if you really want him out of there.

My "father" has dementia (early stages) no I have no experience in an alcoholic parent, and I have gone to every place I could think of or have been told about to contact to get him out of my house. One person told me I was cruel for kicking my father out, I explained my situation on the matter and she told me he's my problem now. NICE.. So i am back to square one- where to go from here. No nursing facility will take him because he doesn't need nursing care, the adult living center here won't take him because he has dementia and is an alcoholic and can't do for himself. Police told me he hasn't committed a crime except lie. So until he hurts himself, or is a threat to my family, there is nothing I can do.
So my advice to anyone out there who is looking for your real parent, look further into them before you feel sorry for them and bring them into your home. They may not be what or who they claim to be!!

My children r 23, 21, 16 and 11. My 2 younger ones r nvr alone with him. I found my 1/2 sister 2yrs ago, by finding her mom 1st. My 1/2 brother found me 1wk b4 my birthday this yr. Together the 3 of us found the others, n an aunt who knew where our father was. Finding the aunt we found other relatives also. My mom n I r very close. Ive been searching 20yrs to find my relatives my 1/2 brother also has been.

I apologize for doubting you but agree with others about the dangers of having such a man in your house where he must be alone with your kids while you are working 3-4 jobs. Out of intererest how did you find the other 13 half sibs when Dad was out of your life? is your Mom still in your life or has she passed.

I think going to AA is a great idea. They help families and relatives of those who have issues with alcohol, not just the alcoholic. It's good to know you are real but I am very sorry you are in this situation. Perhaps the family memebrs who thought he was telling the truth can also help you. And your children. It's okay to have a big heart but please also take care of yourself.

Nice to know you're real. Sometimes someone comes on here just to play games. What you've said above, I commend you for raising your children alone but stop and think ... What effect is having a lying, mooching drunk in the house having on them? What kind of role model is he for them?

It's evident that your children come first for you and that alone should spur you into getting this man out of your house asap. Personally I wouldn't allow anyone like that around my dogs!

To those of you - who have given me advice thank you. I am getting some outside help now, through AA, Family Service's for the elderly, and I have someone who comes in and makes sure he takes his meds, bathes and changes his clothes. He is now doing more for himself THANK YOU

I AM VERY REAL THANK YOU, I am the oldest of his 14 children. I have gone quiet because I am dealing with this issue in the real world, along with several other issues. Look I only asked for help on advice, not to be judged. But if you would like to judge here judge this too- my husband died 4 yrs ago and I've been raising my 4 children alone, working 2-3 jobs to feed and support them. I have a huge heart and help those in need. When this man (my "sperm doner") was found by my 1/2 brother I DIDN'T EVEN WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM! But I listened to his story, believed it because other family told me - yes it's true WHEN IN REALITY THEY DIDN'T KNOW THE TRUTH! so judge me all you want I don't personally care.

He is not your "father." He was simply the "sperm donor." Your FATHER is the man who raised you or perhaps your single mom who filled both rolls. Call the cops and get him out of there. You have NO obligation to take care of him. It was pretty dumb of you to take in a total stranger in the first place.

She could be the eldest of 14 if he was her father and the other kids were her half-siblings. But then, why would any of them help him?

I'm starting to think this person isn't real after all.

Msbeth seems to have gone quiet!

I still don't understand the poster saying she was the eldest of 14 kids yet papa left when she was two???

Have him Baker Acted. He is a danger to himself and you and anyone else who lives in the home. If he is alcoholic if his lips are moving, he's lying! Do not allow him back in the home under any circumstances. Help him if you want from a distance with the clear understanding that you will not get any cash return. You can't help him for that reason. I also suggest Al-Anon. You will get so much help there! Good luck. You have a big heart! Protect yourself!

It is easy to think we are helping someone, when what we are doing, is enabling the person to be irresponsible, and we help them to continue to play the victim. Poor me, feel sorry for me, I can't make it w/o you. I haven't exactly been in this situation the same way that you are, but similar - an alcoholic - and he will suck the life out of you. If your family is worried about how this is affecting you, then your emotional well-being is deteriorating. If he hasn't had a bath in a year, he needs more help than you can give him. He is not well. Having him in your home will make you "not well" -emotionally and physically. Don't let ANYONE (not even your father) suck the like out of you. I don't see this as a situation where you owe him or don't owe him. NO GUILT! He needs professional help, and you are not qualified to deal with him. The most loving thing to do would be to get that for him, however you can - but somewhere else besides your home.
Have you ever attended an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting? People there might be able to help and give you ideas on how to handle this. They have all been where you are. Praying for you -------

If I was you I would put water in his drink, then on a fine dayuse the hose pipe on him ( when Gardening), and tell him here's a bottle of shower gel & shampoo, if he complains I would tell him to leave, he left you when you were younger and he did nothing for you, so you do not have to do anything for him. big mistake taking him in in the first place.. do'nt mean to be hard but it sounds like he is turning you're life upside down! good luck...

If I was you I would put water in his drink, then on a fine dayuse the hose pipe on him ( when Gardening), and tell him here's a bottle of shower gel & shampoo, if he complains I would tell him to leave, he left you when you were younger and he did nothing for you, so you do not have to do anything for him. big mistake taking him in in the first place.. do'nt mean to be hard but it sounds like he is turning you're life upside down! good luck...

We are all dying...it is part of living....

I judge not....

I can't believe you are still dealing with this guy. You'll never see the $3,500 again, he has no means of earning it. And you're looking into ways to be paid for being his caregiver???

This is very twisted.

I would call the Adult Protective Agency in your area or just the police.
Ms. Beth...I will Consciously " HOLD YOU IN LIGHT", both of you for we all are only One, we just forget. This is not to mean that you do not PUT yourself first. Love starts with self Love .
From what you say, I believe you to be in harms way. Please get off the train track before the train hits you. The Yellow Brick Rd. is so much Brighter?
My above response just came through, no thought, just intuitively I believe as I see it in front of me now. It is not a bad response.