Caring for a spouse. Any advice?

Yup, been there done that. It is dreadful. Once you past this awful, awful financial planning (took us about a year) then you can focus on "just" caring for your husband, and things get a little better. You definitely need professional guidance.

You can put your assets in a trust. A really good financial advisor can show you how to do this so that your husband doesn't show any personal worth. His home doesn't count under VA, but you might like to get that into a trust also due to Medicaid 5 year look back. A client of mine's father has too much and that is how they are handling it. Her dad will receive VA benefits once his assets are moved to the trust. An elder lawyer may not be the one to help. She got somebody through a referral from the VA. Don't believe it when people say you have to give up all that you have worked for. There is a way to shelter your assets that is perfectly legal and honest. Why does the insurance company have any say about whether he stays home or goes into assisted living? I would definitely appeal that one and have a new assessment.
I know that you are exhausted, but the VA should be taking care of his rehab if he is a veteran. Screw the insurance company!!

Sorry! I was searching for 'help' on caring for an older spouse (he's retired; I am too young to retire and we have debt (house, car, bills) so I can't just quit to take care of him. I was searching for others who may have dealt with this situation: He doesn't qualify for benefits because of our assets. Ridiculous. Yes, even though he is a veteran...I'm bringing him down with all of my riches (since they see them as his as well). We are a middle class, hard working, never really had much in the 'bank' kind of couple. Now he is looking at assisted living (MS related) because he is not progressing in PT like the insurance company thinks he should. Wow. What a blow this is going to be. How can we afford $3,500/month...on top of everything else? I am working with an Elder Care attorney, but my future is bleak. I'm under retirement age, but not young enough to start over and start saving for retirement again. I'm hoping he can come home in a few months, but by then...geez. Over $10,000 if he only stays 3 months. To boot, I asked the doctor if all his meds were necessary (mostly muscle relaxers and anti-depressants to help with pain) and he admitted that NO they were not. We (and I say 'we' because you'd think I was the one with the medical degree...why should I have been the one to notice this???) took him off two (still on two). In two days, he was able to use his arms to roll the wheelchair on his own. Maybe too late for PT since the assessment went in to the insurance company three days ago. I will appeal, but ...I'm just spent. Has anyone gone through anything like this?