Need an unbiased opinion: Am I being manipulated by my mother?

Yep you're being manipulated because you've always allowed yourself to be manipulated. Why should your mom stop now?
Classic case of do what I say, not what I do.

How about you turn that into a statement, and not a question. Tell her what time you'll be there, when you arrive if she's not ready LEAVE!!

Pamela...god bless you...once again you have cut right to the heart of the matter...on one hand we want to do what our parents want, on another we want to do what we need to do for ourselves... and the two are in conflict. How many of us do not want our parent's approval? But yet we have lives of our own outside of our parents purvue. Conflicting situations that have to coexist. It is so hard.
I think maybe you have hit on somthing Pamela...turn the tables and BE the parent. What we say goes, whether she likes it or not...but do so in such a way to not be vindictive. It is so hard to leave 50+ years of being the child behind and be the parent. I never had kids of my own, so I really am at a loss as to how to do that. Thank you for being objective and seeing what I cannot. I owe you one!

Tom

It is finding that balance that is hard...we want to be fair, even more than fair to our parents. It is only natural, we love them, they raised us. But we do not want to be walked on...and finding that balance is so hard....I hope I soon figure out where that balancing point is...

Tom

I don't get the big hairy deal with this. So she wants an extra 15 minutes, who cares? You're gonna have to pick your battles, and I'm wondering if this is the hill you want to die on. Save the battles when they really count. Life is just too short.

hI--I was thinking that you Mom sounds like she has to be in control of matters---and unless someone gently puts there foot down-she may continue to (control/or manipulate). There may be an undelining reason whay this happens---but is up to you or someone to take back some control--
"My Thought on the matter" - hope that change will soon take place --

Hap!

May be petty, but still, when you feel manipulated, it evokes a response to some degree. Makes me respond to the person almost like a challenge, i'd probably say, no not 1015 how about 1030...or you could start with 945..lol. I am not a fan of having to feel in control all the time but some are, to me it seems like a game. With no winners or losers.

All comments are good, the idea of picking my battles is good...also the idea that she is manipulative is right on, look up OCPD and read about what people afflicted with that do, and you'll have a much better understanding. I don't really expect folks here to do that, everyones plate is full to over flowing. OCPD people are all about control...and after a while, it really gets annoying. I appreciate everyone who took time to respond...a reality check is good for me. I hope I can return the favor for one or more of you. Cheers!

Tom

Here's my two cents.....When your Mom says: "What time do you want to come by and get me?" you could say: "What's good for you?" This way she gets to set whatever time she wants, and no "power struggle" is set up, and everyone is happy.

Thanks for that Anne...I have done that in the past, but in many cases, she asks the question first and then controls the answer. It's not like I try to always have control of when things happen, or that I particularly care about 15 minutes one way or the other. My interactions with mom are not particularly always planned out in such a way that I am conciously trying to circumvent manipulation. I suppose if I was, there would be less of it, but I am just not used to thinking out so thoroughly everything I say to my mother, but maybe it is time to start doing that. Talk about a major change of mindset! Yikes! I try to acommodate her needs and preferences when I can, as much out of love and respect than anything else. But when I feel like I am being trifled with, it is sort of a rude feeling. One would not expect that from their own mother, but there you go, we don't choose our parents...

we do pick our battles but if this is yours now do not give in you are picking her up you decide the time if you have time to give a 20 min leeway than do if not leave she will not be late often unless she uses this to get you upset.