I have been the primary caregiver for my mother but my brother has POA. Why do I not have any right to know what he is doing with her finances when I care for her?

ikbliss, this is a messy situation. One thing to consider is that POAs are normally set up so that the chosen person can make financial decisions if the person becomes unable to do so. If your brother feels that your mother is fine to return home, then he is saying that she is competent. And if she is competent, then she can make her own decision about where she chooses to stay. It is her money.

If you feel the POA is being misused for personal gain, it may be time to look into revoking it. If your mother is able, you can go with her to get her bank records so you both can check to see how her money is being spent. If the money is being misused, perhaps your mother will choose to revoke.

I hope that nothing shady is going on. It is always good to know for sure, though. If there is something, you may want to consult with an elder care attorney to see exactly how to handle things.

I agree with JessieBelle, you need to see an attorney. Your brother needs to be accountable for what he does with your Mom's money.

That said, your Mom made the decision to give him all financial power. He doesn't even live near her and seems to be more concerned with inheritance than a 90 year old living alone.

As with my Mother, she made her bed now she can sleep in it. Especially if she has given you the order that you are not to dispute your brother. Let him take care of her, don't jump in and save the day.

I know this sounds harsh but I have had a very hard time with my Mother and brother. Mom is paranoid and keeps all financial matters secret from me. My brother has all power and he will take care of her (whether he likes it or not). I have stated things need to be 50/50 if the care is to be 50/50.

I don't know what your relationship is with your Mom but suspect brother is the "golden" child and you will be expected to provide care for her and your brother will dictate, right? I wouldn''t do that. I would tell her if she wants to go to AL, she needs to change her POA or take control herself.

Good luck to you and don't let brother push you around.

As you've stated that your brother has POA for finances and you have POA for health, I'm assuming that POA has actually been invoked. (If, however, this arrangement is just your family's informal agreement, then your mother still has legal control of where she lives.) So if you do have POA for health, then I would think that would be the driver here. Talk to her doctors. If they say her dementia is to the point that she shouldn't be living alone anymore than the choices become caregivers in her home or continuing the assisted living facility she is in. Present him with the medical facts with documentation from her doctors and the cost of all options. If he won't answer, then I think you can challenge his POA because he's limiting your ability to carry out your responsibilities.

It is lucky you have medical POA so that your mom has some protection. Get an appointment with the social worker at the AL facility and enlist her support. Possibly, you can get an attorney appointed for you Mom, who can make sure your brother provides the funds for her to stay in the facility, since those funds exist. Make sure the AL facility team can provide the documentation to support that she is safer there. Maybe also come armed with the costs for a 24 hour, in home care person of sufficient stature to get move her physically.
And breathe. Breathe. From your description, your mother is in the right place. Professionals will back that up. Either your brother is in emotional denial about your Mom's trajectory, or he is tight and angling for a bigger inheritance. Either way--especially with a court-appointed attorney for you Mom, and your brother WILL have to pay--you are taking great care of her, Ikbliss.

Good comment about brother hindering your power as Medical POA. You do have some power in this. Good advice!

Stick to the facts concerning your mothers ability to live on her own and who will take care of all her needs -- present this to your mom as well and see if she accepts that you and your family are the ones who jump through hoops to take care of her --
leaving her home is something she will probably never agree with you on and therefore you brother will be the one she wants
make him understand with the help of staff, SWorkers and Dr--
Safety is what she needs -- best of luck -- this is very painful and not at all about her money -- Safety is the most important variable here

Definitely get the social worker or doctors from the AL involved. Your brother is not the person to declare whether she is competent or not (unless he graduated with a medical degree you are not aware of.) If need be demand that a court appointed guardian be assigned. I read these stories and it breaks my heart, it also makes me realize how lucky that my brother and I decided that we would jointly share financial POA and health POA as our common goal is our mom's wellbeing.