Am I a bad caretaker if I start burnout?

My advice is to find another job. There is no shortage of people needing caregivers and these people are asking you to do something they themselves are not willing to do for their own family member. They sound like people with an 'entitlement issue.' They aren't being considerate of your needs or right to your own time and life at all. Even God wouldn't ask this of you and in the end there won't be any gratitude on their part worth sacrificing yourself. I know-I took care of a couple for two years 24/7. Only within the last six months of that time period did I convince everyone involved that I HAD to have some respite. I got out maybe one evening a week and partial weekends off. The daughter ended up putting her parents in a nursing home in the end and they both died within a couple of months. I doubt that I ended up making even $one dollar! an hour with all the time I put in. They cared so little about their parents that I had to even do the hiring, training, and firing of the 'help.' I loved the couple like my own parents and experience much love and blessings from caring for them. But in the end I was depresses, exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually. I sacrificed time with my own children which affected our relationship. Time which I can never make up. I needed the 'work' and it was more of a 'mission and labor of love' in my heart. But it cost me dearly and I would never choose to do it again. I would insist on a regular work week or move on. (I also have a lasting and painful disability now from assisting one of the couple in walking-short periods add up over time to stress put on whatever muscles/mind or systems they strain-even with proper ergonomics) The emotional strain that caring for someone (and the grief of losing them later) over time, in such an intimate way, is hard to 'vacation' from under normal circumstances. You are under 'double jeapordy' in this situation and burnout is normal! Pay attention to it! Nativeco

I seem to swing between normality and insanity - my doctor wouldlove to call it depression but it truly isn't - been there had that and it is NOT depression, it really does just depend on the frustrations of the day with mum or with external professionals who seem to be able to cause the biggest frustrations

You cannot control burnout, just like you can't control depression. Also please don't compare yourself to others, every caregiving situation is different because each family and patient is different. Please be kind to yourself. :)

ADT is the name of the home security company that offers the service I described above. Listen, my Aunt has been living with me about 3 months. Doesn't sound as if she is quite as challenging as the lady you take care of. But even though she is my family, I'm already feeling the burnout. Don't do this to yourself. Find some options. I take my Aunt to an Adult Day Care 2 days a week which gives me as wonderful break. And, I can leave her alone for short periods of time. I would be ready for a straight jacket if it weren't for these things.

Hi beenthere60. What is ADT? My patient insist on her ability to stay independent. Any equipment to manage elderly daily living, kind of chalengging. She was independent this past 30 years. I have to lie lot about who i am, what i am doing, why i always beside her, why i sleep in her room. Yeaaa,,,I am invisible caregiver.

I have a bedside potty for my Aunt, who is 95, so that she doesn't have to walk anywhere during the night. Also, there is a service that provides a monitor for them to wear around their necks. It's more than "I've fallen and can't get up". This monitor detects movement so that the person that falls doesn't have to notify the monitoring company. It senses the fall and contacts family, emergency, etc to let them know about the fall. I know ADT has it. Good luck.

I don't know what agency you are with but there are laws to prevent you working so many hours and days. If you are not with an agency, tell the family you must have another caregiver relieve you as your health will suffer, and I mean NOW.

Hold on - do your best - now there is a sentence that can be so double edged. If the family are saying that to you they KNOW what you are going through and choosing to ignore it to get a cheap care resolution to their needs with little or no regard to your health, or indeed their mother's for without you what care would she receive?

You will need to stand firm on this one and I understand financially how it maybe difficult for you to do so but I beg of you please consider this: Right now you may need the money but that isnt going to change any time soon unless you marry a very rich man of course. So you will need to earn in the future and you have been trained as a nurse. What type of job will you get if your referee says you let his mother fall/failed to give her the right meds/allowed her to get bed sores (they wont remember that you were past the exhaustion stage when they write trust me) Far better to get out or make a stand on her behalf and get the right care for her - good luck hun - travel? where to? who's accompanying you? you cannot manage person AND baggage alone if she is vulnerable

Thank you. This is exactly what i need. Suggestion n consideration from the other people that trully understand about "caregiving". Till this point, "hold on, do your best". Such a fool because ill just hurting my self and also my patient because of that stupid faith. Tommorow, chance to speak up. Please guide me. Wow, its feel like, half of my burden was gone after i share it to the right person. Thank you so much for all. Today is another tough day. My patient complain a lot about her knee pain after PRP treatment. She got confuse and agitated because we will travel tommorrow, packing for the 15th times, asking for the 25th times why and where will we go. Refuse my help. Huffffffff...take a deep breath.

I like JudeA's approach to 4 caregivers. I worked with a parkinson's family once and there were 8 care givers 24/7

I am a caregiver that will tell you what you are heading for.

I was a caregiver for 13 - 16 hours per day, for 196 days straight.

I have been in the hospital 20 plus days, it has cost me far more than I ever made, and I almost did not come out of it, then got a superbug from the hospital,

Advice, 24 hours a day is NOT sustainable. 3 days on 4 days off or 4 days on, 3 days off, but NO NO NO.

Please do not do what I did. I am the only one she knows and will have, do not get in that trap. It is better to tell whomever up front.

Really, I lost 50 lbs and still work, but am so exhausted, that I only do 6 hours of elder care now, and work with the Household that has been so very good to me.

Pleese read everyone's advice.

Cwillie, labor laws yes, but in the state that I live in and I am on the books all the time, as caregivers do not realize or some don't that it just is a no win for you to make money off the books, no social security, no labor laws. And by the way, i just found out, when my doctor wrote a note that I was to work from 10:00 not 9:00am, that because I was an employee of one, they did not need to follow the labor laws.

Be GOOD TO YOURSELF, NO ONE ELSE WILL. {LIFE IS A JOURNEY, NOT A RACE"

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Right Ayucan Guidelines .....it is as everyon has said a totally unreasonable situation and I know that what I am going to say isnt going to make it easier for you initially but in the long term may.

The recommeded working week in Europe is 48 hours and we actually have a directive that says you must not exceed that. The reason we have that directive is down straightforwardly to accidents and general health and safety.

You MUST document what you do and then consider what YOUR recommendations would be to this family using your SKILLS as a graduate. that recommendation should include a risk assessment of the carers too.

If for example you are too exhausted to care what are the risk to the person you care for
Failure to give the right meds or watch that they are indeed taken
Failure to ensure you monitor her fluid intake and urine output
Failure to manage her walking etc

It is usual in some case for their to be two carers - not ideal but it does happen - 3 would be far better 4 would be the right number. If the night carers are allowed to sleep and not do waking care then they get paid less - so they do 10-6 or if just 2 carers 8-8 but only 5 days a week not 7
Day carers get a higher rate because their job is more strenuous.
I would personally note all that I do and note how much time it take to od it. This family dont sound as though they have a clue as to what is involved in GOOD care and perhaps they need an awakening - it is worth a try before you find other employment where the employer is so unfair.

countrymouse....i get break, maybe totally, 6 hours per day,. its just, not "me time". Eat, sleep, shower,...need to rush because i need to "get ready" whenever she need me, even when she start to walk from a dining table to her room, she wobbling, high risk to fall, and her son to busy to "be there" for her.

I see.

Ayucan, this family hired you for your graduate-level understanding of their mother's needs, right? So you owe it to them to explain what those needs are: never mind what local labour laws are, this lady's care requires much, much more than one exhausted, stressed out person can give. What about downloading some information sheets for them to back up what you're explaining? The fact that they hired you, a graduate, rather than somebody less qualified shows that they do want to do the right thing; so with any luck you'll be able to educate them. Best of luck, let us know how it's going.

This was a very tough first assignment for you! Not a good expierence you need to start in a normal pt/ft- 8hour situation be eased into the routine and see if this is really what you want to do. Talk with the family when you can and let them know they need to bring on another person or 2. If you get sick and burnout they will have no one! Good Luck, Bless you! You are too young to start this way!

Ayucan, do you know of any other job in the entire world where the hours are midnight to midnight with no break? Of course it's not unreasonable to challenge this. What is being asked of you is batsh*t crazy.

I see the problem now. It's regional. Indonesia has no labor laws regarding caregivers, and a household employee can essentially be treated as a slave, albeit a paid one.

Ayucan, you need to find another line of work - this is never going to work for you as a household employee.

Sendme2help, you really can read my situation. That also my question for this 5 months. AM I A RIGHT PERSON TO TAKE THIS JOB!? HOW LONG I WILL SURVIVE without hurting anyone especially my patient?! what is the consideration of this family?

here is a big issue here, in Indonesia, my country. Lack of elderly support. That is also become a reason for this family why they hire me. They want to hire a person who understand about their mother diseases and aging process. But the problem is, this country dont have any law or spesific health support about home care, elderly and all of the circumtances. Me, as a nurse and caregiver completely blind about our job description, right and responsibilities, and also salary. Thats why, I learn a lot from AgingCare, but unfortunately, i cant impplement that.

Would you be able to perform the duties 24/7 for a job, say for example, sweeping. Sweeping, all day, all night, for 20 days straight? Hope this helps to clarify your ability to work that many hours for that many days.

Ayucan: Consider yourself a "trainee" for this assignment.
Get someone to train you for your duties. Ask lots of questions.
Know your limitations, and please dont put the patient in danger by what you dont know about caregiving. You can learn, but is this the right patient for your first assignment?

There are other jobs that you might have been specifically trained for.
With supervision and more experience, you can better use your bachelor of nursing in another setting, such as a hospital.
That is not to say you are not qualified for (nanny sitter), but instead are without experience, and over qualified for this particular assignment.
You can, get specific training for the duties required of you on this job.

What exactly are your sx. of caregiver burnout?

I did that with my mom.. I shadowed her every freaking moment in the night....Tehn took her to adult day care,a then went to work.... Hubby finally asked if I was sleeping.......No, how can I?

thank you so much Tx. Can you distract me from my problem? Maybe you can share you experience. The worst one. Im 24 years old, just finished my bachelor of nursing study. So, being a nanny sitter completely new for me.

I am so sorry to hear that. That was scary for you, I'm sure. I hope they are able to find out what caused it.

Super rich and busy family. Wish that they have a time and some of brain space to learn how is their mother now with that dementia, incontinence, mood swing, knee Osteoarthritis. Please help me to hold on, 3 days left, hope I can open a discussion with them about this working hours and care issues at that time. Its kind of traumatic first experience as a caregiver for me. Hahaha...start to shed a tears.

Thanks, tx. Yes, very sure there was a blackout that occurred. I was sitting about 8 feet away, working on my computer whe I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and she was slumping sideways, like she was reaching for something on the floor - I called out to her to see what she needed, but before I could get another word out, she rolled forward and out of her chair onto the floor. She hit her head on a piece of furniture on her way down and cut her forehead and the top of her head right down to the bone. So we are now in the process of having testz run to find out why she blacked out to begin with. She is not the same person she was 7 days ago, so *something* happened.

SusanA43, are you sure she blacked out and fell? Sometimes their feet just get tangled up or there might not be enough light to make her feel secure.

We have the same situation, where Mom gets up several times at night to toilet. We got a baby monitor so that we can hear and see what is going on. It really helps. Because she doesn't think to turn on the bathroom light anymore and just relies on the numerous night lights, we installed a motion detecting light switch that will also turn itself off after an adjustable number of minutes.

Are there not labour laws where you live? Even live in domestic servants are entitled to time off.