Am I being unreasonable to ask my out-of-town siblings to watch my mom for a week while we go on vacation?

No you're not being unreasonable you're just inconveniencing them (never mind that it's been convenient for them to have you caring for their parents all these years). Have Mom call and ask if she can come for a visit. Otherwise look for local solutions, meals on wheels, a niece or friend who can come evenings, most assisted living communities have respite care.

I took a week vacation last fall and it took three of my siblings splitting up the week and staying at my home to care for Mom.

Good luck!

Fixer, Thanks for your response. It was suggested that my niece come up with her infant daughter to stay with Grandma. I objected to this due to my mom's age and, well, let's face it, humans live from 0 to over 100. 91 and the fact that she occasionally ends up in the hospital because she dehydrates cause she won't drink water, what would my niece do with the baby if something did happen?

RKO - It's not wrong to expect that your siblings would come and stay with you mother. I'd say it's the least they could do. For me, I'd welcome the neice even with the baby - if something happened to your mother, taking the baby to the hospital to sit in a waiting room is not so bad. If you want help sometimes you have to be willing to compromise and let go of some of the worry. Some thing will happen to your Mom at some point; it's hard be we can't plan for absolutely every possibility. No one will take as good care of your parent as you will but you deserve a break and must realize that people will do their best. it's all we can expect.

As for getting that vacation - look for other alternatives: Can your mom stay at an assisted living facility for a week? Can you hire a couple of aides to rotate day/night for a week so you can get away? This might be costly but they'll be licensed and know what to do in an emergency.

Best of luck to you and your mom.

It is not being unreasonable but it may not work and you may have to work it out some other way by hiring aides or high school students or if available college students most of them are not in class all day and would be eger to earn some money -you do need to get away and it sounds like she can be alone for a few hours it will be a challange but you will be glad you did this for yourselves-let us know how it works out and you might just encourage others to find a way to do the impossible.

RKO,
I'm with LynnPO, as long as the neice is mature enough to handle her grandma, let her come. They could have a nice family visit and enjoy the baby. It'd save your mom from flying. Make sure the neice knows where to turn in case of an emergency. Have faith. Then you and your wife go enjoy a much deserved vacation.
Not to take your relatives' side, but I work and it's next to impossible to take time off without planning months in advance and I have the nicest boss in town. I don't know the particulars of their situation. It's just my input.
Are you reluctant for the neice to come because you think it's your sibling's responsibility instead? You are not out of line to expect your sibling to step up to the plate but good luck with that. Many of us on this site have at least one to many siblings who don't participate in the care of the parents.
Get mom situated and go have fun!

if you dont want to watch my mom -= i dont want you to watch her either- its the same as if i needed to someone to watch my child - if you hesitate... beat around the bush- then dont worry - i dont want you to watch my child or my mom if u cant even pretend to give a #@^&*! if shes so independent - take her with you - my mom has dementia/alzhemiers- we went camping in an rv for memorial wkend -4days -took her with us. it was nice- everyone was talking about their parents - it was a real meaningful trip - some said they would bring their parents next time(guilt)
but we went on a cruise and my daughter came over for a week and watched my mom- all siblings out of state- cept brother whom she used to live with -but he lives in her house- never moved out - she begged me to take her out of there- so i did. anyway i would have her stay in assisted living since shes so independent instead of haveing a stranger in your house- good luck

No, you're certainly not wrong to expect some reciprocal respite from them ... but don't be surprised if they refuse to do it for you! What we usually do for my elderly dad (who's 83,and who lives with us and our two teenage sons) when we have to be away without him is put together a grid of local friends and neighbors to look in on him, and we ask my only brother to help out as well. As is par for the course, my 45-year-old brother usually cooks up excuses as to why it's an inopportune time to ask, why he and his wife are just too busy, or stressed, or he crys about why he needs money, help etc ... and then I know I can rely on the others, with or without Greg helping. Recently my brother did agree to look in on our dad while we were away, and then he asked dad for money when he arrived (crying the blues about his finances, lack of job, economy, etc.). So ... if it looks like a snake and acts like one .... it is one.

RKO, I have 6 siblings, 5 who are close by. I've taken care of Mom 24/7 for 2+ years now. In that time, my husband and I have been away for only 3 nights! You need to find a service, or a nursing home that does respite, to care for your mom so you can get away. Do not count on your siblings. It is a waste of time. Find another way, then go and enjoy your vacation time!

I have discovered that when one sibling steps up to care for a parent(s) the other siblings think that they are given a "free pass" card. They think that since you volunteered, you must want the full responsibility.
If you really want your sibs involved on a regular basis, I would recommend calling a family meeting so everyone is in the same room and cannot squirm away. You need to speak in clear language about your needs. Remind them that they are equally responsible for your Mom's care and, conversely, be ready to accept their assistance.
Sounds like your Mom is capable of speaking up...she's still the MOM...and they should respect her wishes.
If this fails, you are left with respite care. Mom was in a rehab facility recently and responded really well to the social environment. So do not feel guilty...she will be in good hands....just do your homework and get good recommendations.
good luck

I do not feel that you are wrong at all to require some respite. I am pretty much in the same situation as you are. My husband has Dementia and we live in a small town away from all family. His only sibling has been here once to "help out" as you say but that didn't work out at all for me. In fact, they ended up leaving early. I was still working full time at the time she and her husband were here. They were more of a pain in the you know what than any help to me.

If you family is "too busy" (which is really sad to me) are you able to get signed up with a facility for respite? I am not real familiar with it but do have a friend who is caregiver to her husband and the state she lives in sends her a check once a year for a substantial amount of money for her to pay someone to come in for a week so she can get away. I would start looking on-line for help rather than asking your uncooperative family. It is just a darned shame in my opinion that they are not willing to help you out. I have found that people are afraid of the unknown. We have lost a lot of friends since my husband became ill due to just that.

You and your wife certainly need to get away. I would start looking for some help on-line rather than trying to get your family involved. If they don't want to do it or keep making silly excuses, you're better off without them. Get some relief from someone you can count on and depend on.

What goes around comes around. Someday they will see error of their ways. They should be ashamed of themselves!!! Forgive me for my bluntness but I am handling this situation all on my own and have seen and learned a lot in the past four years. Nobody can be that busy at their job not to be able to get away. Family should ALWAYS come first in my eyes but then my eyes see things differently than most others.

Good luck to you both and I hope soon you will get the much deserved rest that you both need.