My sister stole my dad's money. What can I do about it?

What do you mean that Medicade goes after the money and not the person. If your sister has spent the money, and refuses to give it back, what recourse does the state have if they go after the money and not the person? Very interesting question...would love to hear the answer.

Your atty is right and I hope he will win. Then, he should go over sister and the judge who should be disbared from practicing law or at least found guilty of breaking the law an given a fine for more than what he and your sister stole from you dad.

We need new laws on the books that will empower adult children of aging parents to take people who do these kind of things to court without the parent being the one who files a complaint?

RS Robbins -

I am not "virulently" opposed to anything. I stated a fact. Unfortunately the marketing provides the mechanisim for the unscrupulous. I stated that the money is there for the fathers care and should be used that way. You have no idea what I think, you just wrote something because you didn't like what I said and you wanted to promote yourself & your service.

I notice too that you misspoke. A previous poster said medical follows the money - you jumped on that and then backtracked to qualify it as following the money once the person is deceased. You characterized that person's comment as 'ludicrous'. These are fairly strong words - made all the worse by the fact that you are a professional whose business is telling people how to manage their estates. I do not have a chip on my shoulder - I am simply a caregiver who is giving my opinion to Olive who started this thread. We are supposed to be safe and allowed to speak freely without recriminations. Do you have a reason to be on this board - I do not see an Agingcare Expert symbol next to your name.

I am curious though, why as a professional are you contributing to this board? I am not a big fan of being singled out because someone disagrees with me. I am less than impressed when someone stomps on me because they can. I notice that you then segue into a dialog about how YOU could have helped this family. I think you have crossed the line, and the insults are not ok. Please think about the people who participate before you start throwing around judgemental remarks that are hurtful.

Have you considered talking to an Elder Law Attorney?

Yes I hired one right away. As of this date he said to wait till Dad gets out of the hospital to discuss the next course of action. If anybody out there has had a similar situation I would appreciate any input. Many thanks.

Medicaid goes after the money, not the person. You didn't say what state you are in but most have a 5 year look-back. So if there were assets with your dad's name on them in 2009, they will find them.

I don't know if your attorney disclosed to you what you might do to help yourself in advance. Unless you have unlimited funds, try being direct with him and asking what you might do yourself, versus his office staff or his own time. Tell him you have a budget and want to stick to it. Usually the person who handles the billing in the nursing home, and / or the business manager can give you much info for free.

Has the nursing home already billed Medicaid? If so, ask for advice on disclosure of this CD. The nursing home just wants to be paid, so it is in your and your father's interests to have Medicaid pay the nursing home and recover the money, which they will do if it is disclosed after the fact or discovered on audit. The rate that Medicaid pays is probably less than the daily rate that you signed for on admission. Assuming your dad is not handling his own affairs or is relying on you & your sister for help then the person who filled out the paperwork, or helped him fill out the paperwork to qualify for Medicaid is mandated to disclose any accounts that they are aware of.

Good luck, it will take some work on your part but it will be worth it.

My dad has not yet applied for medicaid. We are in New York by the way. Medicare and his insurance will pay for 20 days in the nursing home which will expire shortly. The home wanted to start the medicaid process. The home is aware of the situation with my dad and my sister. My dad is lucid so I will have him sign the Medicaid application. I don't know what the home does in this situation. I fear they may throw him out. I had signed the admission papers for him to go into the home. I am also afraid that the home will go after me.

They will not throw him out. If it is his money and he is in the nursing home now, contact the Ombudsman and ask her, on his behalf to guide you on this. If the money is your dads, she is placing him in danger by not turning it over for his care - by attempting to scam Medicaid she is also placing herself in a bad situation with the state government at a time they are really cracking down on all of this "protect your assets" stuff that was marketed to people as a way to qualify for state assistance.

Don't be deceived into thinking that it is somehow your fault and burden. If your dad elected to receive care at home he would still need that money. That is why he worked and saved.

Sad as it is, sometimes money and control show us who people really are. Give some people a little bit of control and they stomp all over others. Give some people a little money to hold & they will show their loyalty really fast.

You seem like a good person - take care & ask that people help you.

Dad was sent to the hospital with chest pains. He has a severely damaged heart and is 87 years old. I just got a letter from the nursing home saying that they will not hold his bed since he is not a medicaid patient and will take him only on the basis of bed availiability. My attorney said we will deal with it when he gets out of the hospital. Thank you all for the input. I will continue to seek advice from you all.