My Mother won't give me a break after 5+ years of full-time caregiving and I am losing it. What can I do?

you are the boss, your mother is not.

Bobbi I wish i had a magic answer for you, I really do. I've only been at it for 4 months and am going out of my mind crazy. What Barbara said is so very true, you are the boss, your mother is not. It's not easy, I know, and I send you hugs of support.

What resources do you have by way of family? What do you mean - she won't give you a break? I'd rather not have to read between the lines, but sounds like both of you need to see a geriatric psychiatrist and get some meds, either for depression or anxiety.

Some more info from you would get you better answers.

yep you are the boss. my dad calls me the boss lady . but he still loves me .
if you dont have anybody eles to take your place and give you a break then you will need to find someone to release you .
please take a break !! you will feel so much better !

thanks so much you guys.

I am getting help!!! After weeks of hunting I have located a place near to me that looks wonderful. We're going to start with respite care: 4 to 6 weeks, and then go from there.
Mom is very upset about the change in living arrangements and I am trying to hold firm but boy is it hard.

Spiritcat: thanks for replying. There is no family and you bet I'm depressed but I want to work to change the situation rather than medicate myself to tolerate it. Yesterday was really tough because when I talked to my mom about it she started crying and then gave me the silent treatment. Today she has not referenced it (she has 'memory' for certain things day to day) and I have not referenced it either but am working steadily towards this outcome. Mom and I are going to the 'resort' Friday for lunch and I hope she has a good time.

We're going to have some sad, stressed days but at least now we are working towards fixing it and I thank eveybody again for the support. Means a lot and really helped.

My Mom is really a trooper and I hope this transition will work for her.

I'm not all fixed but feel better! I should be able to think again after a few weeks of not doing everything all the time.

Please stay in touch you guys! As we all know, this goes on and on.

Bobbie

Wow, I like the "resort" idea! You got me thinking...I want to go to the beach! Forget lunch; I'm staying for a long long time. LOL

Seriously, I will be getting a break soon, as mom as requested a change of guardian from me to...? Good luck with that! Thank God my Dad smiles when he sees me, is sad when I leave, and I can protect him from a mean person, to some extent. He told the nurse the "We have trouble [meaning his wife]. That's a good way to put it. Don't you just love Alzheimer's sometimes? Perhaps that was God's way of getting him a place of his own away from... Did I just say that?

Depending on how much memory loss she has, here's a way that worked fine for a friend - a birthday party. When you take her there, see about the possibility of some birthday balloons, cake, ice cream, a good celebration. And certainly make sure that others there are invited.

Again - if there's memory loss it doesn't matter when her birthday really is.

7.5 years sole caregiver, and counting. Amazing how I couldn't stand it one afternon, one day, one week, one month, one summer, one season, one year, two years, four six, seven...almost eight years. And I don't think I can stand one more stressor, but along comes an emergency, and I turn into The Hulk.

Took my BP the other day at the drug store, and it was 117/70. Not sick at all (no cold, nor flu) now going on ten years. HOW do I do it. I have no idea.

Hope the transition works for you. Using a senior day program got Mom her own society within a week. She had her own life, and others to report to, even if only 4 hrs day.

Others to report to; seems that may be the key. And less stress for the family, in certain situations. Or others to commune and spend time with. Hmmmmm. We need that, too. Isn't that part why we're on this site? So if it works for us, why not a 'separate' place for them?