How do I work through my hurt feelings after meeting with Father-in-Law's Attorney?

Is your husband an only child? How has your relationship with him been all along, and have you ever seen these cousins that don't come around.

Care givers often do much work with little gratitude from their loved ones. Sometimes they are treated very badly and that's dad.

I'm glad you came to this site. You will find comfort and all the help you need right here so welcome and know that you're not alone in this journey.

Thanks Pamela. Yes, he is an only child, and we've been married for 22 yrs. We are both very close to his dad, and live about 5 miles from him. I've never met the cousins, and don't even know who specifically he was referring to. I think it was just the realization that, at least in that way, he doesn't count me as "true" family (apart from my husband) that has hit me so hard emotionally. I'm just hurt, and wish I had not been there when that was discussed.

Remember squirt your FIL is 91 and at that age he's not really aware of what he says. He doesn't realize his words can cut like a knife.

I'm sure this thread will fill up with advise for you, just give it time. There are lots of wonderful people here who will support you, some will even make you laugh. Stay on this site you'll see.

Perhaps your husband will speak to your FIL. Perhaps he has already and just not made you aware of it. At 91 they need guidance and if your husband is the only child I'm sure he'll say something to his dad. And if he doesn't you just go right ahead and keep doing what you're doing. Nothing but good will come to you, nothing but good.

Stay blessed sweetie!

My hub does a bizillion times more for my mom than my sib. But mom wants to make sure that "family" inherits...not "in-laws." You absolutely have a right to be hurt and stunned, but don't take it personally...it was the times and culture that they were raised in...blood is thicker than water...
I do know your FIL but I think if you should decide to bring it up at the right time, it could help you move on. Something like, "I was surprised at our meeting the other day that you chose not to include me in your estate planning. I have no interest in an "inheritance" but I was hurt that you do not consider me family in the way that you consider cousins who have not been as involved in your life." I am certain that he did not even consider how it sounded when he was brainstorming during the meeting.
If you phrase things in a calm, loving, and considerate manner he should not take offense and you have gotten it off your chest.
You and your husband should also makes some plans on your own should he need assisted living...you should not be made to give up your lives if this is, in fact, the way he really feels.
good luck

Don't be sad, Squirt. I know it hurts so bad, but try to let it go. Pamela is right: he's 91 and probably remembering some short great time he had with these cousins a million years ago.

Get him in a great facility so you and your husband don't get stuck and I mean STUCK taking care of him. If you think you have hurt feelings now, wipe his butt for a year and then listen to him go on about his cousins.

good luck,

Bobbie

Squirt,
Could it be that he does not understand that you need to be separate on the will. He may not understand that. You need to explain to him that if something was to happen to his son before your FIL passed, you would be left with nothing because you were not named separately. I am sure with all you do for him, he doesn't want to exclude you over some distant cousins.

Tee Hee Bobbie that last statement is so very true!!!!

Thanks to you all for sharing your experience and perspective. I know we're only in the beginning phases of this, and many of you have been and are going through so much more. Although the attorney explained things very well to my FIL, he does tend to get confused about some things, like what doctors ask/say. Although his attorney is a long time family friend, I think whenever an "authority figure" is involved, he tends to lose it a bit, which is why I take him to Dr's appts. I don't know that I'll address this particular issue with him directly because it can so easily be misconstrued. But I may let him know that it is hurtful next time he brings up that his wife died on my birthday. Don't know if it will do any good, but he needs to know I have feelings too. We were of course with him throughout that ordeal years ago, and I wish that is what he would remember instead. May also let him know that we won't be visiting retirement centers again unless he agrees to go along and see them too. He asked us to do that, we gave up our VC time to check out 5 of them and narrow down to 3 for him to see, and now he's not interested anymore. At least it gave us some ideas for when/if the time comes.

Again, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experiences. It helps just to know others are dealing with this type of thing...and so much more. So glad I found this site.

Hey Squirt how's it going? haven't heard from you in a while and we're checking on you. Don't forget about us, as we are thinking about you.

i know it hurts but he is 91 and like the perso wrote earlier he is remembering some fun time he had with the cousins and remembers his wife died on your birthday - just do it for god and he will reward you