How can I convince my father that it's time for mother to go to a facility?

I would love to know the trick myself!

How old are your mother and father? What illnesses or problems does your mother have? Do either of them have any cognitive decline issues? Why do you think it's time for your mother to do to a senior facility? Why is your father resisting your attempts to persuade him it's time for Mom to go to a facility? Giving this information will help other caregivers to advise you....

Perhaps your father grew up in a generation where he was taught to believe it is his responsibility to care for her and moving her into an assisted living home is telling him he can’t care for her anymore.

Maybe he thinks he will miss her too much or it could be that by moving her out, he believes part of his life will be taken away.

Only you know your parents, how much or little they care for each other, their mental state or what part they play in each other’s lives.

You need to be creative when talking with your father. Try and address any fears he has, explain to him how much it will help your mother, assure him that he won’t be left alone and consider keeping them together by moving both into assisted living.

Anne123 was right try to answer those questions. You will find there are more people than you think in your exact situation.

Russ

Has her doctor talked with him about your mother?

Has her doctor talked with her about the same?

Would it be possible for her doctor to talk with both of them?

Could you possibly have a home health nurse come over and asses the situation and talk with your parents about it. There is a list by which a person can go by to asses if they need to enter assisted living or a nursing home.

One thing that was tough for my mother and step-dad to deal with which he has yet to come to terms with is that old people really can't take care of old people. He's 86 and in a wheel chair. She's had a stroke after many seizures, fell and broke her hip, has basically given up on life and her dementia continues to get worse. She's in a nursing home where she needs to be and the doctor sent her there and I'm glad that I have both her Durable and Medical POA in order to keep her safe and cared for.

You know I was thinking about this subject because I know I have to deal with it soon myself. One nice lady at one really nice 'Retirement Hotel' she called it, said they have a program that is month by month and I guess what some places call respite care. She said to tell my mom that the house needs to be tented for termites and she is to come here for 2 weeks while they do it..(was her suggestive idea)...I was thinking that is not bad because the ceiling in my mom's bedroom does show where the rain is coming in through the roof and is damaging the ceiling. So def some work needs to be performed on the roof. Also I was thinking that if I indeed need to move in with her, it would take a great deal of time to move in and totally rearrange the house and that would be one idea for getting respite care for about a month...by then she may like the idea. I hear many folks once they get in and get used to it they like it. I would feel much better if my mom would like the idea, then I would know someone was around 24/7

PIrategal, that sounds like a good idea---to let your mother try out the "retirement hotel" for a couple weeks while work is done on her roof and ceiling at home. What a bright idea! I have noticed with my parents that if they were allowed to put their toe in the water first, so to speak, they could kind of adjust and see if they liked it. ( giving elders a tour of a place helps this way too) My father, who was very anxious, negative, and worried about moving, is now very content in his senior home. It didn't take him long either, once we got him there. There are many skilled, attentive staff people at his new home who show him compassion. It sounds like the home you are looking at has good staff too.
Crowe, we found out the same thing---that oftentimes old people can't take care of old people. I saw this when my mother was alive. She was disturbed and emotionally overwhelmed by the changes she saw occurring in my father's personality. Dad fell a couple times and started having "outbursts" of rage. Things began to "fall apart" at their home. It was at about that time that my husband and I moved both of them into a senior home.

Anne,

That's a quote from my 86 year old dad.