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How do I get my siblings to believe that my mom is the one abusing me not me abusing my mom?

Asked by JulesNJ  |  Nov 23, 2010

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I care for my Mom who has heart disease, diabetes, mental illness and is a breast cancer survivor. She is becoming more and more argumentative and verbally abusive. She is also becoming physically abusive and tells my brothers that I am the one who is physically abusing her. I have NEVER layed a hand on her. I have been her F/T caregiver for almost 8 years without any help of support from my two brothers. Neither come to visit more than once a year. They don't think I should be compensated in any way because she is my mother and I should do it out of love. I am at my witts end and need some help. Any suggestions on how to get them to listen to my side of the story so I can get some help?

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CallMeIshmael

Give a Hug

Nov 24, 2010

I think more information is needed.

It sounds like F/T caregiver means that you cannot possibly also work at the same time. If that is the case and if not for the caregiving duties you would in fact be working right now, then at a bare minimum you are losing your full take home pay.

In that is true, then logically to be fair you could divide that amount by three and expect them to contribute one third each "out of love" as well.

Or maybe they would prefer to divide the year into 4 month shifts.



 
 

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NancyH

Give a Hug

Nov 24, 2010

Jules, the best way to get your brothers to believe you, is to tell them that mom is coming to stay with them for a few weeks. Ask them when it's a good time for the visit, and follow through. They either buck up and help you on your end, or DO take her and then know the truth. Win win.

 
 

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BridgetW

Give a Hug

Nov 24, 2010

Jules
Breathe Deep! Take a walk outside, and decide to put yourself first! No one knows your mother better then YOU! I too took care of my mother and could tell in a split second when something was not right; no one in my family knew what to do let alone how to do it. Your brothers are selfish, and only pretend to "butt in" to make it "look" like they care.

I like the idea of sending mom to visit with them for a week, for them to know what you do on a daily basis, and most importantly give you a break! You may be experiencing some caregiver fatigue and or sleep depravation, both very serious. Have you spoken to your mother’s physician concerning her behavior changes? They would be the best in helping you to understand her behavior change and possibly what is causing this. Once her doctor has informed you of the situation, can you ask for a written report and forward that on to your brothers?
The caregiver seems to be the bearer of "bad news" when it comes to a loved one. We always have to tell the family about doctors visits, ER visits or worse, at times I felt like I did not want to speak to family for that reason. Are you keeping a journal of what you do on a daily basis, frustrations, issues? This helped me vent to myself and get some of my personal frustrations out. I am going to be honest YOU must take care of YOU! If you do not, you will end of sick and where will that leave your mother?
Blessings,
Bridget Wetterer

 
 

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JudyC

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Nov 24, 2010

Insist they care for her for 2 weeks, they will gladly believe you and send her back and will Reward you with "YOU DESERVE A METAL for all your hard work" and will never complain again about how you use mothers money to care for her the best you can. Been there done that.

 
 

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