How do I tell my mother she needs to move out because my emotional well-being prevents me from being able to live with her?

just tell her lets go shopping for a living assist place so she could be around with someone at her age , hope she goes for it .

that is how you feel but deep down she is your mom and you love her. i know it is hard but God will help you. do you have any family that will help you? i am sorry you are put in this situation. it is terrible. just be honest with her.

Having read Kathy's profile, I see that her grown children live a very long distance away and are busy with their own children as well as she works 100 miles away; plus her emotional state cannot handle this anymore.

I gather that as an empty-nester wife and mom who has been married to a great guy for 36 years and along with wanting some peace of mind would like to be a couple with their own space once again.

Her mother's medical problems that are described is basically poor vision which probably means that she could live somewhere else with either assisted living or some sort of assistance in living in her own townhouse, apartment, etc. Like I wrote on someone's wall, I believe we need to seek for means by which God's help comes. Like the story about the person who died and stood before God and blamed God for not rescuing him from that flood which destroyed his house and killed him. God's reply was, well I sent help by having people announce evacuate the area; then I sent a truck by; and then a boat came by when you were on the roof, and then not too close before all was lost I sent a helicopter by and you chose to not take any of my help.

Having read Kathy's profile, I see that her grown children live a very long distance away and are busy with their own children as well as she works 100 miles away; plus her emotional state cannot handle this anymore.

I gather that as an empty-nester wife and mom who has been married to a great guy for 36 years and along with wanting some peace of mind would like to be a couple with their own space once again.

Her mother's medical problems that are described is basically poor vision which probably means that she could live somewhere else with either assisted living or some sort of assistance in living in her own townhouse, apartment, etc. Like I wrote on someone's wall, I believe we need to seek for means by which God's help comes. Like the story about the person who died and stood before God and blamed God for not rescuing him from that flood which destroyed his house and killed him. God's reply was, well I sent help by having people announce evacuate the area; then I sent a truck by; and then a boat came by when you were on the roof, and then not too close before all was lost I sent a helicopter by and you chose to not take any of my help.

Would it help if someone came in to care for your mother and you got more frequent breaks?
Or can you talk it over with your mother?
How did it come about that your mother moved into your house in the first place? I guess I am suggesting you look to see if there are any in-between steps you and your mother can take.

Whose house is it anyway?

I agree w/ Elizza. More frequent breaks. My father who is blind lives w/ us, and I know that it adds another "layer" of stress to caregiving because you are always having to "see" for them and anticipate hazards that might trip them up, in addition to the normal stress of everyday caring responsibilities (i.e., bathing, meals, dr. appts, meds, etc.).

I would encourage you to try to get extra help first. Maybe try to find someone who has taken care of the blind before and understands their unique needs. I am wondering if part of the problem is her frustration due to her limitations, etc., which in turn takes a toll on your emotions. Maybe having someone there to help care for her would act as a buffer for you both?

KathY: Not knowing all the datails it is difficult to send some feedback-but here goes: If your mom is lucid, can you explain to her of your emotional situation, and then make some suggestions, like assisted living? If she is not lucid, who then has POA to make such type decisions/or suggestions? If your mom is under the care of a neurologist-you can perhaps speak with him..or a senior service agency worker in your community for the purpose of finding some resolution to your problem.

Gook luck!

Hap

Just be honest with her, if she can fully understand what you are saying. Honesty is the best policy

Not everyone is cut out to care for a parent in their home. If that describes you, don't for one minute feel guilty about it. If mom has to live somewhere else and it frees you to be more valuable to her, then choose that option.
My mom is hateful, we don't like each other much less love each other. I would never have her live with me . . . ever. I'd be in a physc hospital the first week. Do I feel guilty? No way. My mom thrived on keeping my emotional state in constant overdrive. I don't know if any of this applies to your situation. Your emotional health has to be protected. What good would you be to any of your family if you don't keep yourself well? Good luck on your decision.