My mother-in-law has dementia and seems unaware of her incontinence. How can I get her to wear Depends?

She might be more familiar with pads from the past, and you can call them PantiLiners. However, if she keeps forgetting what they are, forgets instructions, and is out of touch with how wet or poopy she is...has lost sense of smell, then someone has to help her.
Think most caregivers go through this, where the parent just can't remember to use pads themselves. Loss of self awareness, loss of self respect? Attention, perhaps due to bad eyesight with loss of smell...and this area doesn't concern them any more. Anyway, now I have to be there when she goes to the bathroom. Almost had pads flushed down the toilet too.

1. take all of her underpants away, put the depends in the same place as the underpants were. Also put some depends near the toilet.
2. tell her the doctor told her that she has to use the depends. use "the doctor" for all changes. Their generation is very willing to do anything a doctor tells them. If necessary, have the doctor write a short note to her.

Depends are more like panties/underwear now. My mother has had some problems. They are not like diapers and pull up just like regular undergarments. I anticipated problems getting her to wear them but I didn't mention the change and none was noticed.

There are different causes of incontinence so you should speak to her doctor. It might not be only the dementia that is the problem.

There are also a few web sites (Depends and other brands) that send free samples.

Dear carol, I want to wish you a happy hoilday season. without all your help I do not know what I would have done. Mom passed Oct, 5, 2009 and just came back from New York, she was buried with my dad in the Veternans cementry in Long Island. It was hard No I have not cried hard yet . Now my both mohter-in law and father in-law are showing signs. My mother in law fell three times in one day and my father in-law is forgetting things or repeating. All they do is fight he had to leave and come home after three days. My husband was so embarssed in the hospital my father all he did was fight with every one. I took care of my mom for almost 10 years, she died in my arms with dignity. I told my hubby they sound like they may have the signs of begining of Alzherimers/Dementia. He is in a denial state now. I try to help and let him know when a person has many falls 20 in less than 2 years something is wrong. I hope he wakes up, he know what I went through. and I am still going through things. Bless you and all the caretakers out there. It is a hard battle. patrica61

This is a situation that everyone gets to at one point, I have my 89 yr old mom and my husband's 89 year old grand mom that live with us. They both wear depends, at first both fought me on the idea, until I pulled my self out of the idea that they were still able to make choices for themselves, then I made the changes necessary for them to be able to accept. I first sought the help from the 3rd party as Carol notes, my 3rd party was the doctor he explained to them both that it was just a transition that was necessary,like having to take there meds. It makes it less complicated for you then I just went out and purchased the 80 ct pkg at Costco and took all of the panties out of the drawers and left them in there place. Eventually and had to place some closer to them in the bathroom area so they could be within reach just in case. It soon became just another step in there personal hygeine regimen. Hope this helps good luck and God Bless :)

You don't have to feel bad about your parents being diapers, just think how they would feel if they might mess up your furniture or have a bad accident. They don't understand that after the body gets to a certain age we all loose control. I was buying the pull up diapers at SAMS club in Florida. She had Alzheimers/Dementia. however before when she was in New York at her house, she would go through panities a day and the smeel stared so up north I had to buy diapers. it is all about hygeine. Your parents may also be on a water pill and that also makes them go to the bathroom alot. Don't feel bad. it is for their safety and also makes it eaiser on you. bless you. patrica61