If elderly parent has joint account only with one child, will other children be disinherited from those accounts?

I have to jump in here...

My father always insisted that EVERYTHING would be divided equally among his children, He was adamant about this, -specifically to avoid the pain we are discussing here. His Will explicitly backs this up.

However, for convenience sake, he added my sister's name to his account as "Joint Tenant With Right of Survivorship" (so she claims -but will not allow me to verify without a court compelled accounting), leaving me out completely.

His accounts were fairly large.

To make matters worse, I am sole caregiver for our mom, who is NOT a part of the estate (divorce) and I desperately need my share to continue to care for mom at home, I get NO help at all from my sister or anybody, and the frustration of having to try and give mom the best possible care on her small budget alone, while knowing that I should have so much cash coming to me is starting to have a bad effect on my role as caregiver, it makes it all so much more difficult and heart-breaking than it already is or than it has to be.
What was intended as a loving gift that my father was so proud to be able to give to me has become an infuriating, hurtful, frustrating and crazy-making burden due to my sister’s petty greed.

I will continue to slog through with mom's quality of life as my priority, and try to put the pain of the problems with dad's estate aside. I just can’t afford, financially, mentally, or emotionally, to face a long, expensive painful court process right now, but I do plan to proceed against my sister as soon as I can, if only to stand up for myself and my rights, and to defend my father’s final wishes.

NoVoice, I will make sure Mom spends down her's. Especially if my brother is in control of everything. He and his family are so "busy" they really pay her very little attention. So assisted living will eat a big hole in her money and a nursing home. She a very healthy 81. I am stubborn and won't be taken advantage of.

You know, sometimes it is refreshing to have a parent living at the poverty line. One of the 7 kids is on Mom's checking account. We are all glad she is handling this and straightening duplicate payments and payments in arears out when she took over paying the bills.

We figure that if there is enough in the account when mom dies, Sis can take us all to a nice restaurant. Otherwise we'll go to MacDonalds and raise our plastic Coke cups in a toast to a great mom.

Mom "loans" money to the brother who is disabled. All the rest of us are glad we don't need that kind of help, and we'd never expect him to repay the loans. The amounts are small, to get him out of pinch when his car breaks down, etc. She is not supporting him -- she couldn't affort to.

None of us have ever expected to inherit anything, except items of sentimental value. The more I read these forums, the more I am very, very glad about that.

I wish my Mom could read this. She has my brother on her checking account and at one time had up to 80K in it. I explained to her by doing this she has given him all of the money in this. And to solve this put both of us on it or have it set up to become part of her estate upon her death. She just blew me off and acted like I should be ashamed to not trust my brother. She doesn't want me on her accounts because she thinks I want money (not one ounce of truth there). She also made him her POA, executor of the will and just about everything else. At first I was hurt but the more I read on this site the more I am glad to not be involved with these two coconuts. I will do what I have been included in, very little. Sometimes i read about all the anger people have at siblings who "won't help", but sometimes there are those of us who have been good kids, no expense to their parents and no trouble, ever. And we get treated like crap. So we keep our distance, we have to.

madge1 - I TOTALLY understand EXACTLY where you are, because my older sister and I are in the EXACT same spot. It's nice to know others are in the same situation. I just hate the part that when Mom dies, my younger sister will automatically get everthing. Will she do the 'right thing' and split it with our older sister and me? Who knows..... try not to think about that

wish my Mom didn't have as much savings as she does.... really really

NoVoice, I read your posts and it stirred up all the anger I feel toward my Mom and Brother all over again. It is so demoralizing to think you have to wait for a "handout" from a sibling. Or by "their" good graces you get something when you are your Mom's child too. It is not the money with me but the way I have been treated. And alot of the way I was treated as a child. Mom does have a great deal of money but since my brother doesn't share information with me, I don't know what is going on. And that is the problem.

With my younger sister, she'll send these long emails and like say 'if you want to help...' and then when I respond I can help, she never responds.... I know she only puts words like that in the email so she can 'look good', look like she's reaching out when she doesn't mean it at all. She loves her powertrip.

With my older sister and me, it's the hurt that Mom caused by not giving us any legal role. My younger sister, Mom and I HAD WORKED OUT and MOM AGREED to how ALL three of us could have a role between POA/HCPOA/Executor, and the attorneys office (my younger sister's bankruptcy atty's office - for 14 yrs - gotta love that) questioned if MOM REALLY wanted to make all those changes and Mom felt intimidated and backed out and put younger sister on EVERYTHING.

My older sister and I have always been responsible and caring and kept in touch with Mom regularly and etc, we feel like we've been rejected as 'unworthy'. Mom really does not understand AT ALL how much she hurt my older sister and me. She doesn't understand at all that she inadvertently disinherited us. Funny our younger sister said in an email that 'Mom would never reject you'.... gee guess what.....

NoVoice, this is exactly what is hurting me. At least your Mom originally wanted all of you involved. Mom told my brother not to tell me anything because she claims I asked my Dad for money to feed my children (1. I never asked, 2. My husband and I are and have always been financially fine, and 3. She wouldn't give money to feed her grandkids??? what?). I need no money then or now from her. just trust. My husband thinks she is nuts, maybe, but she has no dementia and is in excellent health. If I received no inheritance I will be fine. But the hurt will never go away, it gets better, but not gone.