My mother wants to do nothing but lie around in bed all day, watch TV and sleep. I don't think it's healthy, but should I just let her be?

It depends on her age and her health is she taking her meds. and if she lives alone does she eat meals it depends if she is 69 or 99 or if she is depressed I assume she lives with you have you tried to get her interested in activities and she has no interest in them when my husband was in rehab he did not avail himself to any of the many activities at either nursing home he was in and only wanted to watch TV all day when he was not in PT. If you could give more information I am sure the great caregivers here would be glad to offer how they handled this.

well 195Austin, my mom is 78 and lives with me. She hardly eats, won't fix a meal or even a sandwich for herself most times. She will eat dinner when we all sit and eat. I believe she's depressed, but trying to discuss it with her is like starting WWW 3, and that is more stress than is healthy for me right now. Yes I've tried to get her interested in different things, including decorating her room, and her knitting that she's always loved so much, to no avail. I also had someone come over and offer different activities for her to attend, and she declined. The only thing she will do is from time to time come out into the living room and work on a puzzle that I have on the table. She doesn't get much done on it and spends much of her time grunting, groaning and complaining.

Has she experienced a recent loss of a spouse or close relationship? My mom was depressed after her boyfriend died of a stroke last year. She was depressed and didn't want to do anything except sit in her lounge chair. She gradually came out of it after increasing the antidepressant medication. However, she still was weak and not getting out enough, then she fell two months agao several times in the apartment and had to go to the nursing home. Now she is more anry than depressed at having to be in the nursing home, but I have done this for five years and need to get on with my life.

Well it seems to me you have done all you can I learned the hard way you can only do what you can both my husband and his Mother were both so wrapped up in themselves niether of them had any friends when each of them passed it got so I did not want to visit my husband in rehab and you are ahead of the game by not getting upset by it around here people say it is what it is any you will not be able to change her at this point- it really amazes me how different older people are my one grandmother lived to be 102 and the other 96 and they were both very active until they both passed and my MIL was OLD at 57 and people at my senior center whom I sew cancer pads with are in their 90's- some others in their 70's and 80's and are very active and others sit around moaning and groaning I probably have not been very helpful but did learn a lot along the way caring for the husband who passed almost 5 months ago-I use to get so stressed by his behaivor and so upset and really could not change a thing-I just went out when I could and made a life for myself and try noy yo get too upset by him-easier said now then done at the time. take care dear lady.

If you have a laptop computer, or a PC, there is an A-W-E-S-O-M-E program that you can buy for your loved one called THE BRAIN FITNESS PROGRAM. The Public TV Station was having a fundraiser several months back and had a whole program on the brain and how it is able to repair itself and learn more - even for people at ANY age! I made the donation requested and got this BFP for my loved one and it is so easy to use on the laptop! It improves your memory, your ability to listen, and your ability to differentiate between sounds. It's so much better than having your loved one stare at a tv set all day, know what I mean? The graphics are great and it is really fun to work through the 35+ levels of the program. Plus, once you are done, you can redoing it and improving! I am constantly exploring and discovering things that I can bring into our home to help my loved one. In addition, I try to spend every waking moment with my loved one - which means I am not on the computer, talking on the phone, or doing the dishes if I could be engaged in an activity with my loved one instead. Not always an easy feat, but a goal and a personal commitment of mine. I try to imagine what it is like being in bed and not being able to get myself in a comfortable position without the help of someone else - or being in a wheelchair for hours and not being able to move around a lot in the chair without the help of someone else - when I think of that, I do everything I can to come up with exercises, activities, "yoga in the wheelchair" videos to watch, wii bowling and sports games, letter writing, prayer, - everything and anything to be active, alert, alive, and joy-filled. This Brain Fitness Program I mentioned literally FORCES the "user" (the participant) to focus and pay attention - otherwise the "klonk" sound goes off instead of the "ding" that the answer was right. Phew. Don't know if any of this makes sense - too tired to go back and reread it - but maybe it can help someone out there.

mine does the sme thing talked to her doc when dad died 2 1/2 yrs ago he prescribed anti depressant she had it filled than threw them down the toilet and told meshe wasn't depressed, sh can fix herself a sandwich or tv dinner but I see a slow decline in the use of the microwave. she does her own laundry the only time she comes out is to make herself a cup of tea or I say its time to eat. does not want to be a part of our family says its not hers well I'm her eldest child did I miss something? anyway I just leave her to her own devices what ever I try I hit a brick wall I did set her pc up so she can play solitare and she likes to read the rags they are the gospel truth you know. so I get her puzzle books she did buy herself some crayons and coloring bok and a small keyboard how she will learn to play it I don't know she is deaf but if it makes her happy so be it, you can bring a horse to water but you can't make them drink it.

It sounds to me like she is depressed - big time - I don't know what to do but you might try to engage her in activities she used to enjoy. If you can not get her to try anything or go out, or do anything she used to do, you might try contacting her primary physician to see if he or she has any suggestions. It is a shame for her not to be enjoying her later years. My father admits that he feels depressed sometimes (he is 88) but he will not hesitate to go out to eat or go out to listen to music, two of his favorite activities. I hope you can get help for her soon.

An antidepressant, zoloft in our case, has made a HUGE difference in my mother. I strongly recommend you ask your doctor about this approach.

She refuses to take anything but her HB pressure med and lipitor her doc prescribed meds for the pain in her back she refuses to take that instead she takes a tylenol, I spoke with the doc and he prescribed those pain pads for her back she said she doesn't like them, I gave her some cream for pain she used it one day but it is just easier to use that as an excuse not to go anywhere and moan and groan and hold her back so I know not to ask her to go anywhere or do anything??? Also she is narcissistic and will not be evaluated for phsyc says there is nothing wrong with her mind. so we do the best we can, I have learned the best way to deal with my mother is to just let her talk shake my head yes and go on about my business that seems to work best she thinks I am commisserating with her and I don't have to feel so stressed listening to it ten times a day, I have osteo arthritis, rheumetory arthritis, heart disease, HB, H cholesterol vitamin D deficency, anxiety, anti depressants and a broken finger but as soon as I mention something about my heart 30 % blockage we end up talking about her back and I don't know what pain is until I have a back like hers funny thing is I do and it radiates to my hips down my legs and can only walk short distances. But Narcissism is that way so I don't talk about me anymore, I just keep it to my self because she isn't interested in anything unless it pertains to her.

as for engaging in activities she used to enjoy she is still doing that laying in bed watching tv and reading rags. LOL