My 86-year-old father is a stroke survivor and has not been able to speak for 3 years. An old girlfriend has resurfaced and has been writing letters from out of state. Now she wants to get married. How do I handle this?

Aug 16, 2010

How has your Dad communicated that he wants to marry his former girlfriend? If you are caring for him, you can deny her visit, or have someone at his home at all times who will deny her access. From the limited information you have shared, though, it is unclear whether your Dad wants this, or not, and how independent he is in living aside from being speech impaired.

LynnPO

Aug 16, 2010

Isabel is right - give us more info about your dad's abilities and wishes. If he's got dementia then it's not a good idea to see the "girl friend". This might sound mean but I'd do what I could to "discourage" the visit - if the gal is also older, she might have difficulty getting around. If she asks for your help to travel, tell her it's not convenient; find some excuse or tell her you're taking your dad out of town for a family visit at the same time she wants to visit. If possible, screen his mail.

Without knowing more about their relationship, and her age and condition, it's hard to know what to say. I'd be suspicious too but don't want to poo poo any ideas that might enhance your dad's quality of life - provided it's some responsible person who he'll enjoy and won't take him to the cleaners. It could be that the old gal is just "wishful thinking" and neither realizes they are forgetful and beginning to decline.

yupper

Aug 18, 2010

This is bad news.Block any coresspondence with her and politely advise her you do not think her relatioship with your Father should continue. Red Flags popping up all over this!!!

Honeyswife

Aug 18, 2010

I agree. Red flags all over this! Do you have a durable power of attorney? If not, get one. What does he say about her? When was she his girlfriend. Many years ago? recently? She should be discouraged from making a visit. You could tell her just about anything to keep her from visiting. Is he physically & emotionally fit to have a visitor? Dr.'s orders, not a convienient time, What is her health like? Does she need care? Would you be caring for both of them? I am sure he would enjoy company, but this just doesn't sound like a good idea. the list goes on and on.