Mom is angry and wants to revoke POA. I am the only child. What should I do?

I'd suggest that you consult with the attorney who prepared the POA and let him/her in on what's going on. If she is no longer considered to be "competent" by the legal definition, then she can't revoke the POA. In any event, I'm sure the attorney will agree that it is a bad idea for her to do so, at least without naming someone else to serve in that role. If the lawyer is a trusted advisor, perhaps your Mom will accept his/her input on this matter and will back down.

-- Sheri

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Do not take the things your mother is saying personally. It is the disease.Keep telling yourself that. As for her revoking the POA, go see the attorney that did the POA. Tell him/her what is going on. If she has been diagnosed by a doctor, you may be able to have her declared incompetent. While that may even make her more mad (for now), it would prevent her from changing the POA.

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Thank you. Good Advice on the Attorney. I can not go to the attorney that prepared the POA as he is in Fla. But we will be going to an Attorney here for the Deed. So perhaps I can let him know the situation and allow her to discuss with him, hopefully he will agree it is a bad idea for her to not have a POA. I am terrified of even mentioning the word incompetent- she is fearful of this happening as she watched her sister and father decline and she knows where that goes- she is struggling to hold on to her mind and denying anything is wrong. Today again I suggested we go talk w/ someone,a counselor,priest to get another outside objective view and to help us resolve this-she adamantly refused- i think she fears this will lead to the incompetent thing- we had a struggle similar some years ago-she becomes suspicious that i am trying to do just that and loses faith that i am here for her and will always be. Today she said she is afraid of me-that I will sell her house from under her....I have killed myself the past 7 years to care for her-all gone in her mind.I am crushed. I know in my brain I should not take these things personally but my heart listens and is breaking, I have been in tears everday for a month. Today i had to force her to go to her dental appt- she said she was just going to let her teeth fall out. later she asked to go to the ATM- which she can not use alone - each time I let her try as she is determined and then go to help..she was trying to withdraw 600- got very frustrated /angry as she could not complete the transaction- I went to help..I asked her why she needed such a large sum..she said she wanted cash on hand..I do not know what she is thinking -she has never ever done that before. and she goes nowhere-we live in a very small town - ther are no cabs or public transpo - so? She also will not go to a doctor when she is like this - afraid I am up to something, the competency thing. She will not allow herself to be actually tested for alz. But I know- i watched my Aunt and have researched- the signs are all there.she knowstoo-or knew. So the Attorney is a good suggestion- but I do not see how I can broach the competency thing- i would not survive the rage from her.

The only reason I raised the competency thing, she can give POA to anyone. The are all kinds of people lurking out there. You couldn't stop her now if she decides to remove you as POA. The last thing you need is for someone to befriend her for the wrong reasons. Ask the attorney if you could have her declared w/o her knowing it.

I understand where your heart is. My mom had Alzheimers. Until she got sick, she was the most kind and loving person you'd ever want to meet. You are in one of the toughest phases right now. I remember it all to well. I promise you peace will come.

Your mother sounds like she is beyond the early stage of alzheimers.

While a lawyer is important, I think that first you need to find a neutral third party to talk with like a counselor, pastor, etc. You are not going to survive this or have the strength to make some tough decisions unless you do.

How supportive is your husband?

Just letting this go on like this could damage your marriage.

Maybe you need to create some distance between your mother and yourself by hiring a certified caretaker to go your mom's house each day for several hours.

Then, after getting some self-care boundaries in place, I'd look into taking your mother to the same doctor who diagnosed her with alzheimers. Maybe the therapist, etc. can give you some new tools by which to get your mother to cooperate for right now, I can tell that right now, you are walking on eggshells around your mom and it's killing you not her.

Even though you can't go to Fla. to see the atty who wrote up the POA, it might be worthwhile to give the atty a phone call.

Did your mother give you Durable, Medical or both POAs?

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