My husband has Alzheimer's. When he asks about his mother and I tell him she has died he starts crying. Should I lie to him?

This is highly individual, but you have tried the truth and it upsets him, so it may be time to start saying something to the effect that his mother is happy and, depending on your/his spiritual beliefs, you could say she is "with grandma and grandpa" or something of that kind.

Some would argue that you should just keep telling him she died, but I personally would try to find a way to tell him he "will see her again" or something, because I don't see the point in distressing him when he can't understand. He is reliving her death every time.

It's a decision you'll have to make. Know that whatever you decide, you are not alone. This is very common as Alzheimer's progresses, as people "go back in years." Many start asking for their parents. You've got lots of company in this agonizing choice.

Keep checking in. We know it's hard.

Carol

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yes my father would ask me wheres your momma ? i told him shes in heaven well it shocked him and he would go in deppresions . so i decided from then on i would tell him shes sleeping and he would smile said oh she must be tired , i said yes shes tired dad .. and its good to see him smile than be all heartbroken . at another time i would just ask him where he think she is ? he said oh shes prob at home resting . yeah dad i think so too .
dont say she died it would hurt him and feel all alone ...

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Thanks for all of your input on this - but telling him she is still somewhere is better than saying she is dead. That hurts any of us. But this time he fooled me and ask for the phone book to look up her humber. They aren't all there but they are if you know what I mean.

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yes sometimes i wonder if dad s playing games with me to see what i would say . ahh i dont know . i just tell him shes sleeping , resting , who knows maybe i;ll tell him she went to walmart then next time he ask haha .

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Isn't it amazing how they can be so with it one moment and not the next? One this to be sure, dementia does not mean "not smart!"

Thanks for the input and some humor. We have to keep that, too.
Carol

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