Should I feel guilty if I get tired of doing everything for a parent??? I don't have kids or a husband and haven't had a life since College

Jackson, I'm not sure how long since college has been for you, but I don't believe in feeling guilty over something such as this.

Circumstances are different for everyone. It is a fine line to define selfishness when caregiving for a parent(s). Many people that have been long time friends of my parents may feel that I am being too selfish when they look at my life and then how my parents are. But they also have not had to experience the emotional demands of Alzheimer's for one parent and severe major depression for the other parent. There is a lot of baggage that goes with that on top of a dysfunction parent-only child relationship as well.

Guilt can be dished out, but only I/you can choose to accept or reject it. If you know that you have done all you can and you have to recruit help, then why sweat it? If you haven't done enough in offering more care to your parent(s) is nagging at you, then perhaps things need to be examined. Only you can judge this.

Sometimes it is so easy to judge from the outside looking in, but being guilty is a choice in choosing to accept that guilt or not. Why are you feeling that guilt?

Jackson1. Feeling guilty about feelings of resentment is a normal response, and it means that you are a sensitive, empthathetic person. If you didn't feel guilty about being tired of having no life, then I would say you had something to worry about. Caring for aging or ill parents is a very difficult talk, especially for an only child, or the only child helping. Its important that you remind yourself that what you are doing is a labor of love, and what you are sacrificing is tough. Try to speak with caregivers who are in a similar situation as you. If you don't know anyone, reach out to a church group, or try to speak to your parents doctor. Or a close friend. Or even a therapist. The important thing is to talk about how you feel. It is important to verbalize our feelings and give them validity. Hang in there. As the sole caregiver for my parents, I know how you feel. But know that what you are doing is admirable, and at the end of the day you should be proud of yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself, and try to go out for a little while and enjoy yourself.

Don't feel guilty. It can take alot out of a person who is caregiver for one or both parents. My sister and I cared for our mother for several years until she died in 1994. Since her death I have been the primary caregiver for my father who is 88. Fortunately his mind is in good shape but he has many health problems. Now for several years my older sister has had a debilitating nerve disease so I try to help her too. I sometimes feel frustrated with all of this along with being unemployed for over a year. I also have never had the opportunity for dating or boyfriends. I can't help you, but I can say... don't feel guilty just do what you can yourself and solicit the help of others where possible so perhaps you can go out with friends or do something special you like

Jackson,
If you didn't feel guilty at some point or even resentful, then you would not be a compassionate person. My brother does nothing for me or mom and he sleeps very well at night. We, the caregivers, are the ones who toss and turn. I found that this site, venting to people who understand and really care, has been a God send. Good luck and keep writing
Linda