I am so depressed from taking care of my mom while she is in assisted living, how can I deal with this?

Hi Patricia, It is very hard on you I'm sure. That is perfectly normal. I have my Dad in Asst. Living, and I understand. This is a great site to express how you feel and the people are very kind. Everyone here is going through a lot of the same thing we all feel for you. You are a great daughter to care so much. Take care now keep in touch.

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Patricia, I think you are a saint, going to visit almost every day. I can hardly bring myself to visit my Mom 1 or twice a week. Lately, I've fallen into a deep depression and haven't gone for 2 weeks. She's had Alzheimer's 10 yrs also, in NH 5 yrs. They take good care of her. She remembers me and sing about me every waking moment. I'm eaten up with guilt. She is so sweet and appreciates when I come but it is getting harder physically and emotionally. I have my Dad next door with mild dementia and going downhill. I will not ever be able to keep up with all his needs. Fortunately, they didn't have much money and Mom is on Medicaid.

I am sqending down so Dad can qualify soon I hope. Unfortunately, it is almost a blessing to have no $, as you qualify for help if the state has any $. (AZ)

Is it possible to spend down or just give the $ to state so she will qualify? My aunt is in that quandary.

At first, I went to visit a lot (still not every day) but it is getting harder and harder. Could you try every other day or even one day less per week?

Anyway, I think you are wonderful and deserve any little kind of break. Does anyone else go to see Mom?

Patricia, you've come to the right place. It is horribly hard to watch this decline, and the caregivers here know that.

Give yourself a break when you can, maybe by going every other day. Make sure she is well cared for, keep on being her advocate, but give yourself a break from time to time.

If the depression is overwhelming, you may want to see a doctor. Many caregivers suffer from clinical depression and need medical help.

Take care,
Carol

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Dear Patricia, I think the advice of others to try and not go every day will be helpful. I gotta tell ya that I am taking care of my father in our home and I am at a place where I want to put him in assist living, so what I am trying to say is that either way: In a home or at home is difficult on us as caregivers. My husband and I are trying to get some respite care and are in the process of placing dad in assist living for four days. The prep is crazy with the medical forms, ppd, having to take our own tv, etc. I feel like I will be exhausted by the time Thursday comes and it is starting to affect my marriage. So, take heart and be glad mom is where she is. She is being taken care of and you are a faithful daughter and you need to take care of your health so you can continue to take care of her. I am seriously at the place where I am going to have to do the same thing and place dad in assist living if they will take him on a permanent basis. He is 96 and I keep thinking it will be time for hospice soon, but he is like the energizer bunny and keeps going and going while my batteries are dead. Guess it sounds harsh, but it is the reality and that is why my husband and I need to get away. Take care of yourself and get some time away as you deserve a life also and you should not feel guilty about it!!

Bless you all at least we have a chance to see what our parents are going through and us caring for them and maybe we can change things while we are able you might as well enjoy your savings if you were able to do that because at the end someone else will get their paws on it I learned a lot the weeks I was going crazy trying to get on medicaide esp. when my life insurance was an asset of mine-I said if it is mine I am taking it with me and when God says why do you have that money with you I will say it's mine-they told me it is mine