Elderly Parents, Children Need Early Talk About Care

About a year ago, Eric Steven Stahl, a 48-year-old businessman and filmmaker, started thinking it might be time to have "the talk" with his mother.

Stahl had noticed slight memory lapses in his world-traveling, Corvette-driving mother. Then in December, his 95-year-old aunt moved into his mother's Sherman Oaks home after she herself showed symptoms of dementia.

Worried about his mother's well-being, Stahl broached the subject of bringing in outside help.

"I said, 'How about two hours in the morning and two hours in the evening?' She almost bit my head off."

It's difficult for adult children to question whether their aging parents are able to physically and mentally manage their lives. Should they still be allowed behind the wheel of a car? Can they be trusted to shower alone?

But these taboo topics need to be discussed in the open - and experts say sooner is better than later. Home Instead Senior Care, which has 600 franchises nationwide, recommends opening the dialogue when an adult child turns 40 or the parent turns 70. "The 40-70 Rule" a 2006 study commissioned by Home Instead, found that one-third of U.S. baby boomers are reluctant to talk to their parents about aging-related issues because they are too entrenched in their traditional roles as sons and daughters. O

ther boomers say their parents are simply too independent to consider giving up the freedom of driving, for instance.

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