Reveive your free Custom Care Guide

Let us put together a care guide personalized with the best information on how to care for your elderly loved one.

Stay Informed

Receive weekly AgingCare updates directly to your inbox.

AgingCare Expert since October 2007

139 comment stars from 87 members
Give this expert a hug!

AgingCare Expert

MindingOurElders

Carol Bradley Bursack

Author, Speaker, Elder Care Expert

Fargo, North Dakota

I cared for seven elders over the span of two decades - my neighbor, my aunt and uncle, my in-laws and my parents. They were all different stages, in different living circumstances and health situations.

Then came the book "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," that is a collection of stories of my own caregiving experiences and the experiences of twenty other caregivers.

I eventually became an elder care columnist, blogger and writer. Many of you have read my articles on AgingCare.com. I look forward to joining you more often on the forums, as well.

My Featured Articles

My Expert Answers

MindingOurElders's Wall

Write a message on this member's wall:

 

Displaying messages 1 to 10 of 107

Mar 3, 2010

MindingOurElders
Give a hug
Write on Wall

This is awful for you, Bree, but do remember what you went through before. Sometimes you have to battle doctors. They don't always listen. Keep talking to the staff, report anything that you don't think is proper, and go through the chain of command when possible. It could be the staff member figured she was keeping your mom company and helping her? It could also be she was just lazy. It's hard to tell.

At any rate, you are wise to keep a close eye on things, but it doesn't sound like you can care for your mom at home. Do not feel guilty - easier said than done, I know, but please drop the guilt. You are trying to get her the best care possible. We are thinking of you.
Carol

Mar 2, 2010

Bree
Give a hug
Wall-to-Wall
Write on Wall

Hello everyone. Its been a while. Honestly I thought I posted this update but NOW i am begining to forget things.
Momz has been back to the home about 1 week and a day.
After experiencing horriffic hallucinations last Wednesday ( I thought I had posted it) she has had none since. I think it was due to the stress. She went back with no struggle...she wanted to get "treatment"..then out of o where she thought I was locked outside in bad weather ...and caused such a deal, the nurse called me at 12 am to talk to her and assure her I was ok...later that night/morning she saw a man trying to enter her room with a shotgun...but a guardian angel guarded her door the rest of that night and protected her( I PRAYED SOOOOOOOOO MUCH DURING THAT HOUR!)
But the next morning she saw maggots ( gross) all in her tv and her things...told the nurse...and was frantic. They even saw that she tried to throw water on the tv, to get rid of them!!! thank God she wasnt hurt!!!!

As you can imagine I bawled for days!!!!
I was so devestated that this is happening to her.

Now a week later...she enjoyed a weekend with me and her cats...we had a fine time.

Now shes seeing only problems, doesnt like it ( when she did before) and wants to go home!
No matter what I say, no matter how many times...its been 2 days of I wanna go home!....She gets angry and tries to order me...we argue... I settle her down...she threatens me...and its the same dance again.

She says they arent doing anything for her. I just wanted her out of her house...i dont want her around( we live together).

But honestly...I did need a break. With her around is emotionally draining...and as I said before she can be very verbally abusive...BUT FOR SOME REASON MY HEART FORGETS ALL OF MY PAIN AND IS Willing to to go back to hell , inorder to see her satisfied again.
She tells me " i WANNA GO BACK TO MY HOME...i dont wanna be here all my life, I wanna be where I can be happy"
and guys I want her to be... I am soooooooo torn.
AM I BEING SELFISH?

And the doc that saw her today, the phycologist....did exactly what I asked them not to do.... prescribe NAMENDA for her. This stuff made her more angry, irritable, and combative...and they go and prescibe it!

This makes me wanna take her out! There has been other things to happen...( Like some employee relaxing in her room over the weekend....and watching her tv, using her things....I REPORTED THIS TO THE ADMINSTRATOR!)
but I am trying to be open to things not being perfect ( cause stuff aint always perfect right?)....but I am so unsure now...unsure of the home, unsure of my intentions were unselfish, unsure to keep her there or not...help.

Feb 25, 2010

lhardebeck
Give a hug
Wall-to-Wall
Write on Wall

youre a sweetheart . i always find your commets so sweet and loving . god bless you ..

Feb 22, 2010

anne123
Give a hug
Wall-to-Wall
Write on Wall

Carol, I want to thank you for posting the article you wrote about "controlling parents/elders" and how adult children can better understand them, and how to handle this situation. Your words were very helpful to me; the part about the fact that the controlling behavior could stem from fear about aging. I think this is what's going on with my Dad, because he was never in the least bit controlling in his younger life. This constitutes a complete personality change for him, at least in this area. Needless to say, it is so difficult to "behold". My poor mother also could barely handle it, and I am actually happy for her that she passed away before Dad got even worse. I could see the sadness in her eyes, as she watched her husband who had had the "world's best , most friendly personality" vanishing in a way, right before her eyes. Who knows what the Lord has in mind for us as we handle our elders and these emotionally difficult challenges? It certainly is giving me a chance to "prove" to my Dad that I will always be there for him, to love and care for him, uncontionally. God has been alongside me every step of the way, and finding this website has been one of the ways He's helped me. Thank you again for you expertise! Anne

Feb 16, 2010

MindingOurElders
Give a hug
Write on Wall

I've been there with the kids and the multiple sick elders - it's very hard. At least I was in town! You need to get help with thi - in-home, assisted living or nursing home. You can't do this alone. You can to the state (their state if it's different than yours) Web site and look under aging services. Then you may find local assistance. Please keep us posted. I was the "sandwich generation" before there was a word. That's what you are and it's a huge challenge, to say the least.

Carol

Feb 16, 2010

shnasta
Give a hug
Wall-to-Wall
Write on Wall

Any advice for a lady with a 6 year old and a 3 year old a very sick mother,mother-in-law& father-in-law? All at the same time in two different towns? Ü I can use all the advice i can get. Hats off to you and your spirit!

Feb 5, 2010

MindingOurElders
Give a hug
Write on Wall

You, too. And thanks for the hug. I needed that!
Carol

Feb 5, 2010

mizunderstood10
Give a hug
Wall-to-Wall
Write on Wall

Thank you so much!! Have a wonderful day!!

Feb 4, 2010

mizunderstood10
Give a hug
Wall-to-Wall
Write on Wall

Feb 3, 2010

Bree
Give a hug
Wall-to-Wall
Write on Wall

MY FRIENDS!!
I have been getting the legal stuff handled..power of attorney, living ill, etc. I have found a nursing home, gotten medical files to them...its coming close to being done.
Whats EVEN MORE MIRACULOUS IS : MOMZ IS BEING AGREEABLE TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My prayers are being answered!!
I have told her its a major health problem...well one she will accept( cuz she refuses to believe she has alzheimers!) like blood vessels working inncorrectly which can cause her a stroke..so she accepts this, and agrees MOST of the time ( she changes her mind or forgets and I have to remind her...man am i tired of explaining- just talking so much!!my mouth needs a vacation! I have nevr begged, explained, pleaded so much in my life!!) to go to the "HOSPITAL" FOR 2 WEEKS. I will handle the rest of the battle after I get her in there!

i HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING WELL AND HOLDING UP, I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR WITHOUT YOU ALL!!!

Ask AgingCare - Get Answers from the real experts...other caregivers

Provide additional details 140 Characters Left

Meet our Elder Care Expert

 
Aging Parents and Elder Care Expert

RalphRobbinsCFP

Ralph Robbins

Certified Financial Planner
Boca Raton, Florida

Ralph S. Robbins, CFP© is a fully licensed Certified Financial Planning Practitioner specializing in Eldercare Financial Planning. He works everyday helping families in crisis find creative ways to fund long-term care expenses and deal with family financial issues.

Read this Expert's Bio »

Stay Informed

Sign up to receive weekly updates from AgingCare directly to your inbox.

The material of this web site is provided for informational purposes only. AgingCare.com does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment; or legal, financial or any other professional services advice. Use of this site is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
©2010 MediaBrains Inc. All rights reserved.