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AgingCare Expert since October 2007

207 comment stars from 131 members
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AgingCare Expert

MindingOurElders

Carol Bradley Bursack

Author, Speaker, Elder Care Expert

Fargo, North Dakota

I cared for seven elders over the span of two decades - my neighbor, my aunt and uncle, my in-laws and my parents. They were all different stages, in different living circumstances and health situations.

Then came the book "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," that is a collection of stories of my own caregiving experiences and the experiences of twenty other caregivers.

I eventually became an elder care columnist, blogger and writer. Many of you have read my articles on AgingCare.com. I look forward to joining you more often on the forums, as well.

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Displaying messages 1 to 10 of 144

38 hrs ago

CC2AGAIN
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Ty I will check that out now...A lot of the companies are now helpping with meds and care when we can not afford it..Thanks for reminding me...Hugs to you and family...Cc aka...Sharon

Aug 6, 2010

lhardebeck
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carol , here s my hugs ,
youre a very nice lovin lady .
always find a kind word to say .
god bless you ..

Aug 4, 2010

vhanson3959
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I am crying as I type this to you. My dad and I were very close as well. When I was little, my dad started the first self-service gasoline stations in Wisconsin. He was a very wealthy man at one time. The wealth took over his life and he ended up with nothing. Literally a riches to rags story. He always "knew" that he was going to be a success again one day. People used to get on my case because he was living in a "dream world" and I was the only one that never argued with him or threw his past in his face. His dream kept his mind active and got him out of bed every morning. I wanted him to be happy. Inside I knew he would never strike it rich again, but this was HIS reality and it gave him something to look forward to! I miss him so much. He was my biggest cheerleader all my life, and I was his. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Vickie in Wisconsin

Aug 1, 2010

Jeanie30
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Thank you so much for your thoughs. The article was helpful. We have struck a better balance and my husband is feeling a little better about everything. I have to say I think you're the angel. I just do my best.

Jul 25, 2010

ladyj
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i am in a wheelchair. i`m paraplegic. i might be handicapped but i`m a far cry from crippled. lol! can i volunteer at a nursing home? would i be accepted or would the nursing home just look at me and say hey shes crippled too she can`t volunteer,what can she do? but i assure u i can do everything u can do just not walk haha! but seriously will places like that will they consider hiring someone as myself?

Jul 23, 2010

vstefans
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Thanks for saying something, however indirect, about the mess wth Jody on "I secretly wish..." I have been hurt inside so badly by this and have a hard time letting go of it or calming down or even stopping crying when I think of how it hurt so much in the rawest way. We were told that if you love your parents then you can care for them 24-7 without a whimper, whine, or hint of a negative thought, which makes you an "Earth Angel," but if not, you are a bad person and thank God there are alternatives like nursing homes so the poor, sick elderly person is not subjected to your bad caregiving and emotional abuse. That what my self-doubts were telling me every time my Mom yelled at me or took an unpredicted turn for the worse or a decision I made did not work out as hoped...I no longer feel comfortable sharing or asking questions about what is going on now with my mom, because I may get clobbered again with harsh judgements form Jody or someone else like her, and I'm probably dropping out of this forum and maybe the whole site. I can't afford the time and energy it has taken to defend my self-integrity against this assault and recover.

Just someone in authority saying NO, that's not the way it is and people should not be allowed to be hurt others like this, has helped me feel a little better...Tthough I think Jody is in way too much denial to ever acknowledge a thing or ever begin to apologize.. she may be singing a little different tune now and that's great, but I just HURT. Bad. I'm trying to tell myself that I gave it my best shot and just need to retreat and recoup... thanks for listening.

Jul 22, 2010

Jsomebody
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Thank you, I am new here and just decided to avoid the negativity, why add to the pain, theirs or mine.

Jul 18, 2010

tonif718
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Thank you - how special to have your comments.

Jul 15, 2010

niteorchid3
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Thanks to all of you, here is a hug cause you all made me feel much better.

Also, there was one thing I forgot to mention in my really long posting. I was named by both my parents as the Executrix of their estates. That was when this really started, when my Dad passed and they found out that I was in control of everything. I think they started trying to discredit me with Mom and anyone else they could get to listen. They will probably find out I posted here and start posting here too. Anyway, I apreciate your advise and words of encouragement. Thank You All.

Jul 12, 2010

Bree
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Hello again, I am in so much mental anguish, you would not believe. I will try to make this short.
My mother has been in a NH almost 5 months now. I totally wish I had chose a different one. From the start I have had nothing but problems.. the biggest was the nh had not switched her medicaid over to "nursing home" medicaid...and was billing me . So I was taking the little ssi income I had and tried to pay the monthly extra $634. That led me to visit the SSI office , explain to them my dilemma...hoping honesty meant something , hoping they would increase my mothers small check of 611 a month inorder to pay her NH bills. Instead, a very cruel cold person took the check totally away..out of my hands and started sending it to the nh. As though I was a criminal. After numerous visits over the months to the ssi office, another worker "cleared" up the problems. Still sending the check to the NH...making the NH bill medicaid, and pay me back 1/2 of 1,000 i paid out of my pocket. So at this moment, The medicaidis still waiting to go into effect. I was reimbursed 689 of 1,000 dollars...and was told thats all I will get back. I recently found out that my mothers SSI check was changed..cancelled. She will no longer be a SSI recipent..she is on SDI now(?) and her check amount is now $83.00. The NH WILL GET $53.00 OF THAT.
I am so torn...why? how can they do this? IS THIS A NORMAL PROCEDURE? For social security to throw a person away like this?
My mother is even more disabled than she was before! How can she only recieve $83.00!
AND HONESTLY...I DO NOT LIKE THIS PLACE..I WOULD LIKE TO MOVE HER...HOW CAN i DO THAT ..WITH HER HAVING A INCOME OF $83.00??
This NH and the SS has truly made a bad situation horreffic. I am looking for work...and trying to deal with my reality...trying to deal with the pain and anquish of loosing my mother...the only one Ive ever known.
No body seems to beable to tell me if ANYTHING can be done...why does this feel soooooooooo wrong!?
I need help, wisdom please.

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