My brother financially exploited my 78 year old mother.

Cl:

Was she of sound mind when she told you to mind your own business? If so, do that. I understand sometimes our elderly parents' business is our business, so if the Visa was unsecured credit she can file for bankruptcy and keep her assets. If it is secured credit, your sister-in-law, as co-signatory, can be held liable (e.g., her wages might be garnished). And since your brother had the audacity to charge the weddings on the card, let him help your mother file the bankruptcy papers.

One last thing: get off the Xanax. It's an opiate that only serves to mask the problem rather than help you solve it. Plus the use of benzodiazepines (and drugs in general), tends to escalate and you might graduate to more potent chemicals. I'm a substance abuse counselor, so I know what I'm talking about.

In a nutshell, let them deal with it. I know you love your mom to death, but sometimes you have to allow people to take responsibility for their own actions.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

-- ED

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Your mother will always be in denial about your sibs. I had a similar situation. My sib. did the same thing with my mom...opened a credit card acct., took a cash withdrawal, made a few payments, then skipped out on the rest.
Fortunately, I finally convinced her that it was her livelyhood she was sending out the door. With her permission, I now have PoA and take care of finances for her. I collaborate with her on financial planning, bill paying, etc. because I want her to always know where her finances stand. But this still does not guarantee that she would not return to her old behaviors. It constantly astounds me that the people who help the most are the ones who are treated the worst by family.
If your mom is in deep denial about this and allows the scam to continue there is really nothing you can do about it until she becomes "enlightened."
Ed offered some very sound advice. Maybe backing off and getting your own life back on track may make your mother see that you will not always be there to bat "clean up." Give your mother your sibs telephone numbers and tell them all that you are on vacation...then really GO on vacation or at least stay at home and let the others deal with it. If you are turning to drugs to cope, then it is time for serious reflection and major changes.

Stay strong,
Lilli

Fact of the matter is, and I don't mean to sound harsh but you really don't know how long your mom has been helping out your siblings. What our parents do with their money is their business, and they will be quick to tell you.

I found a check made out to my sister, after my mom got sick, and I asked her what it was for and she told me that she didn't have to tell me what she does with HER money. I have not asked her again.

Don't worry about it becuase it's too late now anyway. Let your siblings reap what they have sew'n. As long as you have all your ducks in order now, that's all that matters. And please don't fault your mom for that. A mom is always going to be a mom and really we wouldn't have it any other way.

Just keep on loving her.