My brother financially exploited my 78 year old mother.

Cl:

Was she of sound mind when she told you to mind your own business? If so, do that. I understand sometimes our elderly parents' business is our business, so if the Visa was unsecured credit she can file for bankruptcy and keep her assets. If it is secured credit, your sister-in-law, as co-signatory, can be held liable (e.g., her wages might be garnished). And since your brother had the audacity to charge the weddings on the card, let him help your mother file the bankruptcy papers.

One last thing: get off the Xanax. It's an opiate that only serves to mask the problem rather than help you solve it. Plus the use of benzodiazepines (and drugs in general), tends to escalate and you might graduate to more potent chemicals. I'm a substance abuse counselor, so I know what I'm talking about.

In a nutshell, let them deal with it. I know you love your mom to death, but sometimes you have to allow people to take responsibility for their own actions.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

-- ED

(1)

Helpful? Give a Star!  | Hug this member Flag as inappropriate

Your mother will always be in denial about your sibs. I had a similar situation. My sib. did the same thing with my mom...opened a credit card acct., took a cash withdrawal, made a few payments, then skipped out on the rest.
Fortunately, I finally convinced her that it was her livelyhood she was sending out the door. With her permission, I now have PoA and take care of finances for her. I collaborate with her on financial planning, bill paying, etc. because I want her to always know where her finances stand. But this still does not guarantee that she would not return to her old behaviors. It constantly astounds me that the people who help the most are the ones who are treated the worst by family.
If your mom is in deep denial about this and allows the scam to continue there is really nothing you can do about it until she becomes "enlightened."
Ed offered some very sound advice. Maybe backing off and getting your own life back on track may make your mother see that you will not always be there to bat "clean up." Give your mother your sibs telephone numbers and tell them all that you are on vacation...then really GO on vacation or at least stay at home and let the others deal with it. If you are turning to drugs to cope, then it is time for serious reflection and major changes.

Stay strong,
Lilli

Fact of the matter is, and I don't mean to sound harsh but you really don't know how long your mom has been helping out your siblings. What our parents do with their money is their business, and they will be quick to tell you.

I found a check made out to my sister, after my mom got sick, and I asked her what it was for and she told me that she didn't have to tell me what she does with HER money. I have not asked her again.

Don't worry about it becuase it's too late now anyway. Let your siblings reap what they have sew'n. As long as you have all your ducks in order now, that's all that matters. And please don't fault your mom for that. A mom is always going to be a mom and really we wouldn't have it any other way.

Just keep on loving her.

I have POA and my sibs really resent me. To be honest, I am the only one who has never asked mom for a cent. My brother has "borrowed" several thousands of dollars over the years and has never repaid the money. My sister used to take mom grocery shopping but would also use mom's money to buy HER own groceries!! Mom is now in assisted living and I watch her money very closely so that she can self-pay for as long as possible. mY sibs think I am controlling mom's moneu b/c I want it all for my self!! They are so wrong! I spend many hours a week attending to mom's needs and wants, including paying her bills, getting phone service set up in her new residence, meeting with her social worker, etc. I now need help emptying her house and prepping it for sale---a HUGE undertaking--and my sibs have said they won't help me since I have the POA.
They think I'm up to something bad. Yet, they are vultures and will have a fit if I sell or give-away something they want for themselves. My feeling is "too bad for them" if they can't be bothered to help me. There has also been a lot of vulture-like behavior about mom's will, especially her diamond jewelry. I agree that being a care-taker is a thankless job but I love mom and just want her to be happy and comfortable. I don't care if all od her money is spent and leaves no inheritance.

My niece started care taking both my parents and ended up stealing over $14,000 from them, Some of it was a line of credit she got in my dad's name.
My eldest sister, who took guardianship of my dad and is handling their funds now, decided not to prosecute and the bank is making her pay $400 a month back, no interest. When my dad dies, it will be considered paid off.
The money is being taken out of my dad's retirement funds. My niece walked away free and clear. I know I can prosecute, but I am unsure what good that will do at this point. It won't get the money back and she has 3 little sones.
I do know I never want to talk with her again. I adopted her when she was 13. Her mother, (one of my other sister's) was on drugs quite heavy. I had hoped I caught her in time to instill some morals and values. I guess not.

Its tough to just let it go, but I am. I know that their money is in safe hands now and could kick myself for trusting my niece to deal with it properly. In the early stages of my parents not being able to deal with their own funds, it was up to me to decide what to do. I allowed my niece to take care of things because she moved in with them and was taking care of them.
After her, we let her brother take over and he ended up being abusive to them, so now its just the one sister and myself who takes care of everything.
It gets to be too much all the time. I am seeking other resources at this time. I am shocked as to how little help there is is out there.