I'm Angry With My Sister

Who handles her financial records? Is she eligible for a local agency for the elderly? Ours is Council on Aging or aka COA in Cincinnati, OH. We can pick a private care home health agency and have HHA's come in if needed. They provide those (HHA's) or a Senior Day Care Facility. You get the most bang for your buck if you go with the Senior Day Care Facility (she'd be gone a little longer). ...but if you have some function to go to at night, then the HHA's are the best way to go.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

lach61 asked a good question when she asked, who's controlling the finances? To that I add, and how will it affect your mom and you? There's nothing wrong with requesting help, but we can't expect it. Do you see the difference? And there's nothing wrong with anger, depending on what you do with it. But if you're living in fear of how your brother or sister will react, I wonder why? Who do you answer to, and why should you have to?

My sister hasn't been here since May, to see our dad who's in decline, nor seen our mom. I was doing everything for both of them, because I CHOSE to, but when I got tired, I'd think that others weren't doing their part. Actually, my sister was giving me lots of unrequested advice, counter to what was, in my opinion, in my mom's best interest. Our values definitely clash. (Mine and mom's do too, but that's a different thread...) Another issue between my sis and me was that every time she'd call, she would ask me to give her an antique from the estate. She didn't even ask how dad was doing. This angered me a lot! Telling her so angered her. Go figure. Seems people show their priorities in a variety of ways. I say, "actions speak louder than words."

How do you deal with this? By doing what's comfortable for you, and doing what's right, no matter what other people do. We can make requests, but must respect their right to refuse. I don't know a lot about your situation, so I'm speaking in general terms. One thing I do is seek wise counsel from a trusted individual, or maybe a few, depending on the circumstance. But my first priority is to seek God's direction through prayer. No matter what I decide, I ultimately answer to him. So as long as I know I'm doing what I believe he wants me to, I feel more secure in that. Sometimes I also ask for help in forgiving others, and for myself, because I'm far from perfect. We certainly can't control another. Sometimes it's all we can do just to get along with certain people, and it's not always our doing. Just some thoughts...

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I'd also like to know who takes care of her finances too. I'm going to come at from a whole other arena by saying this so here goes........I wish my sister lived in another State!

I hear you, pamela! Mine does, though, and distance doesn't always help. They can still cause trouble. Water seeks it's own level.

My thanks to all of you. I have Durable Power of Attorney for my mother but my brother is in charge of the finances. In one way I am fine with that because then if the investments don't pan out or we run out of money then it's not on me. I get a monthly allowance that has been budgeted for Mom's monthly expenses. I also receive some money each month that barely covers my health insurance and groceries. My sister thinks it's terrible that I accept money, but I can't work a full time job as it would cost too much to have a caregiver come in during that time. Also, I want family to take care of Mom. Anyway, my sister and I have issues, but it's still her mother too. She hardly ever calls Mom and hasn't been home for Christmas in 3 years. I would gladly leave during the time my sister is here to see Mom if she doesn't want to see me. SecretSister, I do have a relationship with God and that helps me some and He is who I answer to. I am all about forgiveness and even though my sister has said some really nasty things to me and about me, I am open to a relationship with her if that's at all possible. I get lots of advice from my brother and sister-in-law. Some is good and some is ridiculous. No one knows what it's like to take care of a 91 year old woman with Alzheimer's unless they have done it day in and day out for a period of time. I have decided that my sister is someone who is toxic to me and I try to do what my best friend advised: "Don't rent her anymore space in your head." My best friend and I have been friends as long as I can remember life. She knows how my sister is. There is definitely more to this story and maybe I'll tell it in here in time. I'm not perfect, far from it. I just love my mother and want to keep her out of a nursing home. pamela6148, your post made me laugh. Thank you for that. :)

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