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My elderly parents treat me as their whipping board. How do I handle this?

Jan 8, 2010

psjpotter
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Mom is a borderline personality and dad is dysfunctional, trying desparately to just breath right so she doesn't act out. My parents that treat me as their whipping board. How do I handle this? It's very hurtful and frustrating. As the only care giver I don't even have power of attorney for their medical care. This goes to my long distance brother who barely even calls once a month. Mom's cognition is failing and she is getting harder to handle. Dad just tip toes around so she won't act out. Please, I need some advice on how to handle this situation.

Comments (1 to 5 of 14)

Sandy49 said
Jan 20, 2010

First talk to your Dad then your brother. Talk to an attorney. He'll be able to help you with legal issues, or is there a welfare agency that can give you info. It's really difficult to deal with things from a distance and your brother really needs to come for a visit to help set things up.

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psjpotter said
Jan 21, 2010

Sandy, thank you for responding. I almost feel guilty even writing my comment and, probably, should have put it under caregiving. It was my first time on this site and I was over whelmed that day. My dad isn't always rational due to his lack of oxygen and my mom just has issues. Dad and I can usually work things out, but my mom can be a bear. Whatever she wants she gets because she's dying and my dad is heartbroken. mom's cognition is declining which makes things worse. He's dying too, but in his mind that doesn't matter. As for my brother, I wrote to him about our parents 60th anniversary and he never even answered me. His attitude is that our parents are still going, and that's all that matters. I have found some peace in just reading about other people and their plights. I realize now I can't make everything better and it's not my fault when my parents unleash. I just need to calmly and consistently handle things - I guess. My best to you!

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Lilliput said
Jan 21, 2010

PSJ: why does your brother have PoA when you are the caregiver and he lives so far away? PoAs are given to those who are in the best position to assess your parent's needs. There will come a time when immediate decisions need to be made and your brother may be too hard to reach. Talk to your Dad and see if it isn't wiser to have the PoA changed.
In every family there are those who step up and those who step back.

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Sandy49 said
Jan 21, 2010

My heart goes out to you, Things might be a bit different here in Canada so I don't have agency info. Hopefully someone else who has dealt with this will reply.

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Sandy49 said
Jan 21, 2010

Is your Dad a vet? If so see the info about their helps.

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