Commented on a discussion 4/24/2009 at 7:07 pm
Hi all,
This is my first post and I have enjoyed reading (but also saddened by) your events of the past month and a half.
I have been caring for my father in my home for almost 4 years
...Read MoreHi all,
This is my first post and I have enjoyed reading (but also saddened by) your events of the past month and a half.
I have been caring for my father in my home for almost 4 years now but just became conservator/guardian last May due to his 2nd stage dementia. When my youngest went off to college, I had moved from southern California to northern Idaho so that I could live in the country, raise chickens, grow veggies, and live out my "country girl" dream. My father joined me 2 months later and so has curtailed a lot of what I thought I would be living. I didn't know the extent of his disability because he had been living with my sister who "was clueless". When he couldn't figure out how to make coffee and ate NOTHING unless I set it in front of him, I began to worry.
For the first couple of years I continued to work as a registered nurse but as we work 12 hour shifts, leaving him home stressed me a great deal. Once, when I was working, he bought a truck and had it delivered to the house. When he called 911 to alert them that the astronauts were in trouble in space, I knew I couldn't leave him home alone anymore.
Because he does not like strangers of any sort in the house, and because I don't want them in my house either, I opted to become his paid care giver this year. It is by far, less expensive than assisted living or a nursing home and because I AM a nurse, I feel qualified to provide good care for him. My mother (who is still married to him but chooses not to live with him) is angry at me for accepting money from his estate. But I won't apologize for it. I'm not rich; I need an income and I am providing a service that is a better alternative (at this moment). In addition, my life has been put on hold for 4 years now. I used to dance, enjoyed wine tastings, gardening, etc. but rarely get out. It has only been since the court made me legal guardian that I began to consider myself a care giver and have adopted a new paradigm, one that involves taking care of myself as well.
I have taken a lot of classes on aging and dementia, started a blog and a newsletter, have signed up for respite care so that I can get a break once a week, at least.
It's still VERY tiring, oft-times lonely and I'm not sure how long I'll be able to do this. But.....as you have all said, we all have to make choices that are best for all concerned, and we cannot feel guilty about those choices we do make, because we are making them with a loving heart.
Shelley