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DEPRESSION AND GUILT GO HAND AND HAND, AS I BATTLED WITH THAT FOR SO LONG. STILL HAVE MY BAD DAYS WHERE ALL I DO IS CRY. I TAKE AN ANTI DEPRESSANT TOO, BUT THAT LITTLE PILL DOES NOT CHANGE THINGS. ...Read More

DEPRESSION AND GUILT GO HAND AND HAND, AS I BATTLED WITH THAT FOR SO LONG. STILL HAVE MY BAD DAYS WHERE ALL I DO IS CRY. I TAKE AN ANTI DEPRESSANT TOO, BUT THAT LITTLE PILL DOES NOT CHANGE THINGS. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS WHO DO NOTHING, AND WHEN THEY DO GET INVOVLED THEY MAKE MY LIFE EVEN MORE DIFFICULT. I DO HAVE POA, SO THEY WILL NOT DICTATE TO ME ANY MORE. IF YOUR BROTHER THINKS IT IS SO EASY TO GET CHEAP OUTSIDE HELP, TELL HIM TO DO SOME RESEARCHING AND FIND IT. I WAS EXTREMELY CLOSE WITH MY MOTHER ALL MY LIFE, BUT NOW THAT I AM THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER, I AM THE BAD GUY. THE OTHER 3 SIBLINGS IS THE GOOD GUYS, AND THEY HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT ANYTHING. WE ARE NOT COMMUNICATING THESE DAYS, WHICH WAS INITIATED BY MY MOTHER. SHE HAS DEMENTIA, AND ALTHOUGH SHE DOESN'T REALLY KNOW, SHE PIT ONE AGAINST THE OTHER. IT TOOK A LONG TIME, BUT I WAS GETTING SICK, WHEN MY MOTHER WOULD CALL ME, SCREAM AT ME, AND THEN HANG UP ON ME. ACCUSE ME OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS, BECOME AGITATED, CONFUSED, PARANOID, AND IT IS ALL DIRECTED AT ME. I WAS JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS FOR MY MOTHER WHO IS 89 YRS OLD, AND MY STEPFATHER, WHO IS 97YRS OLD OF 21 YRS. HE HAS NO FAMILY, AND ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE IT FOR HIM, BUT HE DOESN'T SEEM TO REALIZE HOW LUCKY HE IS THAT HE HAS US. I REFUSE TO TAKE THIS VERBAL ABUSE ANY LONGER, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT REALLY ISN'T THEIR FAULT, BUT I HAVE TO THINK OF MY HEALTH AND MY HUSBANDS ALSO, WHO IS NOT A WELL MAN. I HAVE DETACHED MYSELF, IN THAT I DON'T CALL, UNLESS I AM NEEDED, DOCTOR'S APPTS. ETC. I HAVE A CAREGIVER FROM HOME INSTEAD COME IN 2 DAYS A WEEK FOR 3 HOURS. I ALSO HAVE LIFE LINE. THEY MOVED TO N.C. 3 YRS AGO FROM NEW YORK AT THEIR REQUEST, HOWEVER, I DID NOT REALIZE JUST HOW BAD THEY WERE. THEY LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL CONDO 3 MINUTES FROM ME. SHE NO LONGER ABUSES ME, AS I DON'T GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY ANY MORE. HER BEHAVIOR AROUND ME IS TERRIBLE, UNLESS SOMEONE ELSE IS THERE, AND THEN SHE IS LITTLE MISS SWEET LADY, ALTHOUGH, SHE WENT INTO ONE OF HER EPISODES AT XMAS DINNER. HAD A COUPLE FROM ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME, AND MY MOTHER WENT INTO HER CRYING, NOT MAKING ANY SENSE, AND CAUSED A SCENE. I WOULD ALWAYS EITHER TAKE THEM OUT FOR DINNER ON A SUNDAY OR THEY WOULD HAVE DINNER AT MY HOUSE, BUT IT ALWAYS SEEMED TO SO UNCOMFORTABLE FOR ME, AS I WAS WALKING ON EGGS, NEVER KNOWING WHAT WOULD SET THEM OFF. MY HUSBAND, AND I DO EVERYTHING FOR THEM, BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP MY ENTIRE LIFE ANYMORE. NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GET OVER THE GUILT, AND ALTHOUGH I DO GET DEPRESSED, MY NEW ATTITUDE HAS LESSENED IT. YOU TOO HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE. YOU CAN BE THERE FOR YOUR MOTHER, BUT JUST AS SHE HAS LIVED HER LIFE, YOU ALSO CAN LIVE YOURS, MAYBE NOT THE SAME AS BEFORE YOU WERE CAREGIVING FOR HER, BUT YOU CAN MAKE IT BETTER. I HAVE NO HELP FROM MY SIBLINGS. ASK OR TELL YOUR SIBLINGS THAT THEY HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE MORE BURDEN OFF OF YOU AND GIVE YOU MORE "ME TIME". HOPE I HELPED
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I HAVE POA, HEALTH CARE PROXY, LETTERS FROM DOCTORS SAYING MY 97 YR OLD FATHER AND 89 YR OLD MOTHER HAVE DEMENTIA. IT IS GETTING VERY BAD, AND I AM NOW LOOKING FOR FACILITIES THAT WOULD BE IN THEIR B ...Read More

I HAVE POA, HEALTH CARE PROXY, LETTERS FROM DOCTORS SAYING MY 97 YR OLD FATHER AND 89 YR OLD MOTHER HAVE DEMENTIA. IT IS GETTING VERY BAD, AND I AM NOW LOOKING FOR FACILITIES THAT WOULD BE IN THEIR BEST INTEREST AND CARE. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS WHO NEVER, EVER SHOWED ANY INTEREST OR CONCERN FOR MY MOTHER AND HER HUSBAND OF 21 YRS. MY PARENTS MOVED FROM N.Y. CLOSER TO ME, 3 MINUTES AWAY, WHICH WAS THEIR WISHES. I AGREED, AND DID IT ALL. SOLD THE HOUSE IN N.Y., WITH MULTITUDE OF PROBLEMS, BOUGHT A BEAUTIFUL CONDO IN THEIR BEHALF, AND AGAIN DID IT ALL WITH JUST THE HELP OF MY HUSBAND. NEVER EVEN GOT A PHONE CALL AS TO HOW CAN I HELP. NOW, MY SIBLINGS ARE GETTING INVOLVED, IE, TAKING THEM TO AN ELDER LAW ATTORNEY TO GET THEIR WILLS CHANGES, WHICH I HAVE NO PROBLEM. WOULD HAVE DONE IT MYSELF, AND TOLD MY MOTHER THAT, BUT SHE CALLED MY OLDEST BROTHER WHO LIVES IN GEORGIA, AND TOLD HIM I DON'T KNOW WHAT. MY MOTHER HAS FRONTROL LOBE DEMENTIA, AND GETTING WORSE AND WORSE. PARANOIA, AGITATION, ACCUSATION, CALLING ME ALL SORTS OF NAME ETC. BECAUSE OF THE POA, AND LETTERS FROM THE DOCTORS, THEY ARE NOT OF SOUND MIND AND BODY TO DO WHATEVER IT WAS THAT MY SIBLINGS WERE LOOKING FOR. THERE IS NO COMMUNICATION BETWEEN US, SO IN ORDER TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON, I RETAINED MY OWN LAWYER. HE MOST RECENTLY TOLD ME THAT MY THE LAWYER WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HIS CLIENTS, HAS WRITTEN UP A LETTER OF INTENT IN THEIR BEHALF. WHAT DOES THIS LETTER OF INTENT MEAN OR COULD MEAN IN RESPECT TO ME AND MY PARENTS. WHAT WOULD BE THE REASON FOR THIS. MUCH, MUCH MORE TO THIS STORY, BUT THOUGHT I WOULD ASK. THANK YOU

my mother no longer remembers what our close relationship was. i find i agitate her, and i feel that even though i poa, i have to stay in the background unless needed. i wait for her to call me. she l ...Read More

my mother no longer remembers what our close relationship was. i find i agitate her, and i feel that even though i poa, i have to stay in the background unless needed. i wait for her to call me. she lives alone in a condo with my step father of 21 yrs. have life lline, and caregiver twice a week. i know my 3 siblings who never had anything to do with my mom are putting things in her mind. she hangs up me, calls me abusive names, accuses me of all sprts of things. i find it is beter on my health, and seems to be better for her. am i doing the right thing.

I have two parents with dementia.

i have a 97 yr old step father, and 89 yr old mother, who both have dementia. they both live in a condo, 3 minutes from me. they have become verbally abusive, paraoid, my mother's behavior is constant ...Read More

i have a 97 yr old step father, and 89 yr old mother, who both have dementia. they both live in a condo, 3 minutes from me. they have become verbally abusive, paraoid, my mother's behavior is constantly accusing me of things, not true, gets agitated, bangs walls, clenches fists and screams, besides mobility problem. 3 siblings never wanted anything to do with them, but i have now had it. can i turn over poa to one of the siblings even though they do have letters from their primary care that they both have dementia, and are not of sound mind and body. am i stuck with the poa.

I LIVE IN N.C., AND 2 1/2 YRS AGO, MY ELDERLY MOTHER, 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER OF 21 YRS, WHO IS 97 YRS OLD MOVED FROM NEW YORK, TWO MINUTES FROM ME, SO I COULD BE OF HELP. AT THE TIME WHEN IT WAS ...Read More

I LIVE IN N.C., AND 2 1/2 YRS AGO, MY ELDERLY MOTHER, 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER OF 21 YRS, WHO IS 97 YRS OLD MOVED FROM NEW YORK, TWO MINUTES FROM ME, SO I COULD BE OF HELP. AT THE TIME WHEN IT WAS MY STEP FATHER WHO WANTED TO MOVE CLOSER TO ME AND MY HUSBAND, I DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA. HAVE TO SAY ALTHOUGH, MY STEP FATHER IS OLDER THAN MY MOTHER HIS COGNITIVE STATE WAS BETTER THAN MY MOTHER. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY CLOSE TO MY MOTHER, AND WE HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP FOR MANY YEARS. THEY LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL CONDO 2 MINUTES FROM ME BY CAR, AND IT REALLY WASN'T UNTIL THEY MOVED CLOSER TO ME THAT I REALLY SAW ALL THE CHANGES IN MY MOTHER. PRIOR TO THEIR MOVING, I NOTICED MY MOTHER WAS A LITTLE CRANKY WHEN I SPOKE TO HER ON THE PHONE, AND A FEW OTHER BEHAVIORIAL CHANGES, BUT THOUGHT SHE IS GETTING OLDER, AND THIS JUST COMES WITH IT. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS, WHO NOW, NO LONGER LIVE IN NEW YORK, BUT EVEN WHEN THEY DID, THEY DID NOT PUT ANY EFFORT OR TIME IN TO HAVING ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP. FOR THE MOST PART, FOR XMAS, THEY WOULD BE A DELIVERY OF FLOWERS, ETC. FOR A HOLIDAY, AND MAYBE A CARD, BUT THAT WAS WHERE THEIR OBLIGATION AND CARING BEGAN AND ENDED. NOW THAT THEY ARE LIVING CLOSE TO ME, AND I NOW KNOW THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA, WHICH IS SO OBVIOUS, IF YOU ARE AROUND THEM, MY MOTHER AND I NO LONGER HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP WE ONCE HAD. SHE HAS FORGOTTEN ALL THE THINGS I HAVE DONE FOR HER MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND IS NOW SAYING CRUEL THINGS TO ME. SHE HAS FRONTAL LOBE DEMENTIA, AND IS NOW SCREAMING AND YELLING AT ME FOR THINGS OUT OF THE BLUE, ACCUSING ME OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS. FOR THE LAST 21/2 YRS BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE BEEN JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS NOT ONLY FOR HER, BUT MY STEP FATHER, TRYING TO MAKE THEM HAPPY AND CONTENT. AT TIMES, AT THE MOMENT I AM DOING FOR HER SHE IS APPRECIATIVE, BUT AS TIME GOES BY SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER HOW GOOD BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE BEEN TO THEM. HE IS NOT EVEN MY FATHER, AND HAS NO FAMILY LEFT, BUT OUT OF RESPECT AND LOVE FOR MY MOTHER, WE HAVE TAKEN ON ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR HIM TOO. HE TOO SEEMS TO TAKE IT ALL FOR GRANTED, AND ACCUSES BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS. MY MOTHER'S WALKING IS ALSO VERY BAD, AND THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR AT LEAST 8 TO 10 YRS AND EACH YEAR HAS GOTTEN PROGRESSIVELY WORSE. HER BALANCE AND GAIT IS TERRIBLE, AND WHILE THEY LIVED IN NEW YORK, THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS I WORRIED ABOUT. WHEN THEY MOVED TO N.C., WHERE I LIVE, ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I DID WAS BUY HER A VERY GOOD WALKER. IF SHE USES THE WALKER, SHE WALKS VERY WELL, BUT HATES TO USE IT, AS IT IS A REMINDER OF WHAT SHE IS NO LONGER CAPABLE OF DOING. MY STEP FATHER HAS MACULAR DEGENERATION, AND LEGALLY BLIND IN BOTH EYES. HE MAKES A BAD SITUATION EVEN WORSE BY TELLING MY MOTHER THAT IF SHE USES THE WALKER, SHE WILL BECOME DEPENDENT ON IT, AND THE SUBMISSIVE, NON-OPINIONATED SHE ALWAYS WAS, AND NOW WORSE, SHE LISTENS TO EVERYTHING MY STEP FATHER SAYS. IN FACT, I KNOW THAT HE INCITES HER ABOUT THINGS, AND THEN SHE GETS ALL AGITATED, AND SCREAMS AND YELLS AT ME. SHE HAS BROUGHT ME TO TEARS SO MANY TIMES, BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO EVEN BOTHER HER. I AM SO HURT, BUT I DO KNOW IT IS THE DISEASE. WHEN SHE GETS SOMETHING IN HER MIND, SHE CALLS MY SIBLINGS, AND TELLS THEM ALL SORTS OF THINGS ABOUT ME, AND THEY BELIEVE HER, AS THEY NEVER SPEND ANY TIME WITH HER, OR TALK VERY LONG TO HER, SO SHE IS NOT DEMONSTRATING THIS BEHAVIOR TO THEM. SHE HAS TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT WE SHOULD BOTH DIE AND GO TO HELL. I RECENTLY TOLD HER WHAT SHE SAID TO MY HUSBAND, AND SHE SAID HE IS LIEING, AND SHE NEVER SAID THAT. DON'T KNOW IF SHE REALLY DOESN'T REMEMBER OR COVERING UP FOR HER BAD BEHAVIOR AS SHE CAN BE VERY MANIPULATIVE TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS. MY HUSBAND SAYS, MY MOTHER KNOWS HOW TO PLAY ME, AS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT HER BECK AND CALL, AND MY MOTHER KNOWS IT. DEPRESSION, SADNESS, CRYING ALL THE TIME, NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING OR GO ANYWHERE, AND THE DESIRE TO ISOLATE MYSELF FROM EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN SO BAD, THAT I AM ON TWO ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. MY SIBLINGS WANT TO KNOW NOTHING AND HEAR NOTHING, AND BECAUSE OF WHAT MY MOTHER HAS SAID TO THEM ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND HAS CAUSED A BREAK IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. I AM 62 YRS OLD, ONE BROTHER IS 69, AND THE OTHER IS 64, AND A SISTER THAT IS 50 YRS OLD. WE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT ALL THESE YRS. WE HAVE NEVER SUFFOCATED ONE ANOTHER IN THAT THEIR LIVES WAS THEIRS TO LIVE, AND DID NOT LIVE CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER, BUT WHEN WE DID SEE ONE ANOTHER, IT WAS LIKE, WE PICKED UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. I AM DEVASTATED AND SHOCKED OVER THEIR VERBAL ABUSE TO ME AND MY HUSBAND. WHEN I MOVED THEM FROM N.Y. TO N.C., SOLD THEIR HOUSE, BOUGHT THE CONDO, AND A MILLION OTHER THINGS THAT HAD TO BE DONE WHEN YOU MOVE FROM ONE STATE TO ANOTHER, I NEVER ASKED THEM TO DO ONE THING, AS THEY LET ME KNOW RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING, THEY WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH CAREGIVING, AND DID NOT WANT TO GIVE UP ANY OF THEIR TIME FROM THEIR LIVES. MY OLDEST BROTHER TOLD ME HE WAS NOT OUT FOR A CRUSADE. DIDN'T KNOW OUR MOTHER WAS A CRUSADE. ANYWAY, I DID IT ALL MYSELF WITH THE HELP OF MY HUSBAND, WHO IS SO GOOD AND SUPPORTIVE. THEY ARE SO MEAN TO HIM ALSO. IF THEY ARE NOT VERBALLY ABUSING ME, AND SO TO SPEAK LIKING MY HUSBAND, THEN THEY ARE VERBALLY ABUSING MY HUSBAND, AND SO SPEAK LIKING ME. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO MAKE THEIR LIVES COMFORTABLE, AND SAFE. AS THINGS WERE GETTING WORSE AND WORSE, AND I WAS BECOMING MORE AND MORE ILL, I DECIDED TO GET OUTSIDE HELP. I HAVE A CAREGIVER COMING IN TWICE A WEEK FOR 3 HOURS. SHE TAKES MY MOTHER FOOD SHOPPING, DOES SOME CLEANING, AND ON THE SECOND DAY, TAKES THEM TO THE SENIOR CENTER. THAT ONE WAS VERY, VERY DIFFICULT TO GET THEM TO ACCEPT, BUT SLOWLY THEY DID, AND THEY HAVE BECOME TO LIKE, AND DEVELOP A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CAREGIVER. THANK GOD!!!!!! EVEN THROUGH THIS HELL I AM LIVING, BOTH MY HUSBAND AND I STILL TAKE THEM TO DOCTORS, MAKE SURE THEY HAVE THEIR MEDICATION, PAY THEIR BILLS, AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE SAFE. I ALSO GOT MY MOTHER LIFE LINE. THEY HAVE BOTH CAUSED ME TO BECOME SO ILL THAT I COULD NOT FUNCTION ANYMORE. I FOUND THE LESS I WAS AROUND THEM, THAT I WAS EMOTIONALLY, AND MENTALLY GETTING BETTER. I AM NO LONGER THEIR MYSELF FOR ALL THEIR WANTS, NEEDS AND DEMANDS, AS I KNOW I WAS GETTING SO SICK. I FEEL SO GUILTY THAT I NO LONGER FEEL THE SAME WAY I DID ABOUT MY MOTHER. THIS IS NOT MY MOTHER, AND I DO KNOW IT IS THE DEMENTIA, BUT I HAVE TO START TO THINK ABOUT ME. I HAVE NO SUPPORT FROM MY SIBLINGS, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY DO NOTHING, AND NEVER DID, MY MOTHER THINKS THEY ARE SO GREAT. I READ EXTENSIVELY ON DEMENTIA, AND ATTEND ADEMENTIA SUPPORT GROUP, WHICH DOES HELP. THIS IS A TERRIBLE DISEASE!!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR ME, AND SHOULD I STOP FEELING SO GUILTY THAT I CAN NO LONGER BE THERE FOR THEM THE WAY I DID IN THE BEGINNING WHEN THEY MOVED TO N.C.? AS I SAID, STAYING AWAY SOMEWHAT, AND NOT BEING SUBJECTED TO THE CONSTANT VERBAL ABUSE AND UNTRUE ACCUSATIONS HAS MADE ME FEEL SOMEWHAT BETTER. I WILL HAVE THEM FOR XMAS DINNER, IF THEY WANT TO COME, AND WOULD NEVER NOT INVITE THEM, AS I COULD NOT LIVE WITH MYSELF IF THEY WERE ALONE, AND I KNOW MY SIBLINGS WOULD NOT MAKE ANY EFFORT TO SHARE A HOLIDAY WITH THEM. TWO OF MY SIBLINGS LIVE IN VA., AND THE OLDEST BROTHER, WHO IS THE PRODICAL SON, LIVES IN GEORGIA, HOWEVER, THEY COULD TAKE TURNS AND SHARE A HOLIDAY OR EVEN SPEND SOME TIME WITH THEM, BUT THEY WILL NOT. AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING BY NOT BEING THEIR PHYSICALLY AS MUCH AS I WAS, AS I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACKWARDS, AND GET AS SICK AS I WAS. I APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE ME.
TRANQUILITY

two days ago i wrote on your wall, and i keep looking for an answer. could you please answer me
tranquility

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS. I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO EXCEPT MY HUSBAND, AND HE IS NOT IN THE GREATEST HEALTH. HE HAD TWO HIP REPLACEMENTS, AND HAS DEGENERATIVE DISC DISEASE OF THE ENTIRE L ...Read More

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS. I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO EXCEPT MY HUSBAND, AND HE IS NOT IN THE GREATEST HEALTH. HE HAD TWO HIP REPLACEMENTS, AND HAS DEGENERATIVE DISC DISEASE OF THE ENTIRE LUMBAR SECTION IN HIS SPINE. HE IS IN PAIN ALL THE TIME. HE GOES TO PAIN MANAGEMENT, AND THE DOCTOR GOT THE PAIN LEVEL DOWN, BUT THIS IS NOT GOING TO JUST GO AWAY, NOR IS THE PAIN. I WOULD LIKE TO GET THEM IN AN ASSISTED LIVING, BUT DO NOT KNOW WHERE TO START. WHAT IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO. I THOUGHT I WAS DOING A REALLY GOOD THING. I NEVER EXPECTED ALL OF THIS HEARTACHE AND PAIN. THANKS FOR ANY INFO YOU CAN GIVE ME.
TRANQUILITY

I LIVE IN N.C., AND 2 1/2 YRS AGO, MY ELDERLY MOTHER, 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER OF 21 YRS, WHO IS 97 YRS OLD MOVED FROM NEW YORK, TWO MINUTES FROM ME, SO I COULD BE OF HELP. AT THE TIME WHEN IT WAS ...Read More

I LIVE IN N.C., AND 2 1/2 YRS AGO, MY ELDERLY MOTHER, 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER OF 21 YRS, WHO IS 97 YRS OLD MOVED FROM NEW YORK, TWO MINUTES FROM ME, SO I COULD BE OF HELP. AT THE TIME WHEN IT WAS MY STEP FATHER WHO WANTED TO MOVE CLOSER TO ME AND MY HUSBAND, I DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA. HAVE TO SAY ALTHOUGH, MY STEP FATHER IS OLDER THAN MY MOTHER HIS COGNITIVE STATE WAS BETTER THAN MY MOTHER. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY CLOSE TO MY MOTHER, AND WE HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP FOR MANY YEARS. THEY LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL CONDO 2 MINUTES FROM ME BY CAR, AND IT REALLY WASN'T UNTIL THEY MOVED CLOSER TO ME THAT I REALLY SAW ALL THE CHANGES IN MY MOTHER. PRIOR TO THEIR MOVING, I NOTICED MY MOTHER WAS A LITTLE CRANKY WHEN I SPOKE TO HER ON THE PHONE, AND A FEW OTHER BEHAVIORIAL CHANGES, BUT THOUGHT SHE IS GETTING OLDER, AND THIS JUST COMES WITH IT. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS, WHO NOW, NO LONGER LIVE IN NEW YORK, BUT EVEN WHEN THEY DID, THEY DID NOT PUT ANY EFFORT OR TIME IN TO HAVING ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP. FOR THE MOST PART, FOR XMAS, THEY WOULD BE A DELIVERY OF FLOWERS, ETC. FOR A HOLIDAY, AND MAYBE A CARD, BUT THAT WAS WHERE THEIR OBLIGATION AND CARING BEGAN AND ENDED. NOW THAT THEY ARE LIVING CLOSE TO ME, AND I NOW KNOW THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA, WHICH IS SO OBVIOUS, IF YOU ARE AROUND THEM, MY MOTHER AND I NO LONGER HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP WE ONCE HAD. SHE HAS FORGOTTEN ALL THE THINGS I HAVE DONE FOR HER MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND IS NOW SAYING CRUEL THINGS TO ME. SHE HAS FRONTAL LOBE DEMENTIA, AND IS NOW SCREAMING AND YELLING AT ME FOR THINGS OUT OF THE BLUE, ACCUSING ME OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS. FOR THE LAST 21/2 YRS BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE BEEN JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS NOT ONLY FOR HER, BUT MY STEP FATHER, TRYING TO MAKE THEM HAPPY AND CONTENT. AT TIMES, AT THE MOMENT I AM DOING FOR HER SHE IS APPRECIATIVE, BUT AS TIME GOES BY SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER HOW GOOD BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE BEEN TO THEM. HE IS NOT EVEN MY FATHER, AND HAS NO FAMILY LEFT, BUT OUT OF RESPECT AND LOVE FOR MY MOTHER, WE HAVE TAKEN ON ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR HIM TOO. HE TOO SEEMS TO TAKE IT ALL FOR GRANTED, AND ACCUSES BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS. MY MOTHER'S WALKING IS ALSO VERY BAD, AND THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR AT LEAST 8 TO 10 YRS AND EACH YEAR HAS GOTTEN PROGRESSIVELY WORSE. HER BALANCE AND GAIT IS TERRIBLE, AND WHILE THEY LIVED IN NEW YORK, THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS I WORRIED ABOUT. WHEN THEY MOVED TO N.C., WHERE I LIVE, ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I DID WAS BUY HER A VERY GOOD WALKER. IF SHE USES THE WALKER, SHE WALKS VERY WELL, BUT HATES TO USE IT, AS IT IS A REMINDER OF WHAT SHE IS NO LONGER CAPABLE OF DOING. MY STEP FATHER HAS MACULAR DEGENERATION, AND LEGALLY BLIND IN BOTH EYES. HE MAKES A BAD SITUATION EVEN WORSE BY TELLING MY MOTHER THAT IF SHE USES THE WALKER, SHE WILL BECOME DEPENDENT ON IT, AND THE SUBMISSIVE, NON-OPINIONATED SHE ALWAYS WAS, AND NOW WORSE, SHE LISTENS TO EVERYTHING MY STEP FATHER SAYS. IN FACT, I KNOW THAT HE INCITES HER ABOUT THINGS, AND THEN SHE GETS ALL AGITATED, AND SCREAMS AND YELLS AT ME. SHE HAS BROUGHT ME TO TEARS SO MANY TIMES, BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO EVEN BOTHER HER. I AM SO HURT, BUT I DO KNOW IT IS THE DISEASE. WHEN SHE GETS SOMETHING IN HER MIND, SHE CALLS MY SIBLINGS, AND TELLS THEM ALL SORTS OF THINGS ABOUT ME, AND THEY BELIEVE HER, AS THEY NEVER SPEND ANY TIME WITH HER, OR TALK VERY LONG TO HER, SO SHE IS NOT DEMONSTRATING THIS BEHAVIOR TO THEM. SHE HAS TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT WE SHOULD BOTH DIE AND GO TO HELL. I RECENTLY TOLD HER WHAT SHE SAID TO MY HUSBAND, AND SHE SAID HE IS LIEING, AND SHE NEVER SAID THAT. DON'T KNOW IF SHE REALLY DOESN'T REMEMBER OR COVERING UP FOR HER BAD BEHAVIOR AS SHE CAN BE VERY MANIPULATIVE TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS. MY HUSBAND SAYS, MY MOTHER KNOWS HOW TO PLAY ME, AS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT HER BECK AND CALL, AND MY MOTHER KNOWS IT. DEPRESSION, SADNESS, CRYING ALL THE TIME, NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING OR GO ANYWHERE, AND THE DESIRE TO ISOLATE MYSELF FROM EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN SO BAD, THAT I AM ON TWO ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. MY SIBLINGS WANT TO KNOW NOTHING AND HEAR NOTHING, AND BECAUSE OF WHAT MY MOTHER HAS SAID TO THEM ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND HAS CAUSED A BREAK IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. I AM 62 YRS OLD, ONE BROTHER IS 69, AND THE OTHER IS 64, AND A SISTER THAT IS 50 YRS OLD. WE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT ALL THESE YRS. WE HAVE NEVER SUFFOCATED ONE ANOTHER IN THAT THEIR LIVES WAS THEIRS TO LIVE, AND DID NOT LIVE CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER, BUT WHEN WE DID SEE ONE ANOTHER, IT WAS LIKE, WE PICKED UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. I AM DEVASTATED AND SHOCKED OVER THEIR VERBAL ABUSE TO ME AND MY HUSBAND. WHEN I MOVED THEM FROM N.Y. TO N.C., SOLD THEIR HOUSE, BOUGHT THE CONDO, AND A MILLION OTHER THINGS THAT HAD TO BE DONE WHEN YOU MOVE FROM ONE STATE TO ANOTHER, I NEVER ASKED THEM TO DO ONE THING, AS THEY LET ME KNOW RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING, THEY WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH CAREGIVING, AND DID NOT WANT TO GIVE UP ANY OF THEIR TIME FROM THEIR LIVES. MY OLDEST BROTHER TOLD ME HE WAS NOT OUT FOR A CRUSADE. DIDN'T KNOW OUR MOTHER WAS A CRUSADE. ANYWAY, I DID IT ALL MYSELF WITH THE HELP OF MY HUSBAND, WHO IS SO GOOD AND SUPPORTIVE. THEY ARE SO MEAN TO HIM ALSO. IF THEY ARE NOT VERBALLY ABUSING ME, AND SO TO SPEAK LIKING MY HUSBAND, THEN THEY ARE VERBALLY ABUSING MY HUSBAND, AND SO SPEAK LIKING ME. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO MAKE THEIR LIVES COMFORTABLE, AND SAFE. AS THINGS WERE GETTING WORSE AND WORSE, AND I WAS BECOMING MORE AND MORE ILL, I DECIDED TO GET OUTSIDE HELP. I HAVE A CAREGIVER COMING IN TWICE A WEEK FOR 3 HOURS. SHE TAKES MY MOTHER FOOD SHOPPING, DOES SOME CLEANING, AND ON THE SECOND DAY, TAKES THEM TO THE SENIOR CENTER. THAT ONE WAS VERY, VERY DIFFICULT TO GET THEM TO ACCEPT, BUT SLOWLY THEY DID, AND THEY HAVE BECOME TO LIKE, AND DEVELOP A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CAREGIVER. THANK GOD!!!!!! EVEN THROUGH THIS HELL I AM LIVING, BOTH MY HUSBAND AND I STILL TAKE THEM TO DOCTORS, MAKE SURE THEY HAVE THEIR MEDICATION, PAY THEIR BILLS, AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE SAFE. I ALSO GOT MY MOTHER LIFE LINE. THEY HAVE BOTH CAUSED ME TO BECOME SO ILL THAT I COULD NOT FUNCTION ANYMORE. I FOUND THE LESS I WAS AROUND THEM, THAT I WAS EMOTIONALLY, AND MENTALLY GETTING BETTER. I AM NO LONGER THEIR MYSELF FOR ALL THEIR WANTS, NEEDS AND DEMANDS, AS I KNOW I WAS GETTING SO SICK. I FEEL SO GUILTY THAT I NO LONGER FEEL THE SAME WAY I DID ABOUT MY MOTHER. THIS IS NOT MY MOTHER, AND I DO KNOW IT IS THE DEMENTIA, BUT I HAVE TO START TO THINK ABOUT ME. I HAVE NO SUPPORT FROM MY SIBLINGS, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY DO NOTHING, AND NEVER DID, MY MOTHER THINKS THEY ARE SO GREAT. I READ EXTENSIVELY ON DEMENTIA, AND ATTEND ADEMENTIA SUPPORT GROUP, WHICH DOES HELP. THIS IS A TERRIBLE DISEASE!!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR ME, AND SHOULD I STOP FEELING SO GUILTY THAT I CAN NO LONGER BE THERE FOR THEM THE WAY I DID IN THE BEGINNING WHEN THEY MOVED TO N.C.? AS I SAID, STAYING AWAY SOMEWHAT, AND NOT BEING SUBJECTED TO THE CONSTANT VERBAL ABUSE AND UNTRUE ACCUSATIONS HAS MADE ME FEEL SOMEWHAT BETTER. I WILL HAVE THEM FOR XMAS DINNER, IF THEY WANT TO COME, AND WOULD NEVER NOT INVITE THEM, AS I COULD NOT LIVE WITH MYSELF IF THEY WERE ALONE, AND I KNOW MY SIBLINGS WOULD NOT MAKE ANY EFFORT TO SHARE A HOLIDAY WITH THEM. TWO OF MY SIBLINGS LIVE IN VA., AND THE OLDEST BROTHER, WHO IS THE PRODICAL SON, LIVES IN GEORGIA, HOWEVER, THEY COULD TAKE TURNS AND SHARE A HOLIDAY OR EVEN SPEND SOME TIME WITH THEM, BUT THEY WILL NOT. AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING BY NOT BEING THEIR PHYSICALLY AS MUCH AS I WAS, AS I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACKWARDS, AND GET AS SICK AS I WAS. I APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE ME.
TRANQUILITY

I LIVE IN N.C., AND 2 1/2 YRS AGO, MY ELDERLY MOTHER, 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER OF 21 YRS, WHO IS 97 YRS OLD MOVED FROM NEW YORK, TWO MINUTES FROM ME, SO I COULD BE OF HELP. AT THE TIME WHEN IT WAS ...Read More

I LIVE IN N.C., AND 2 1/2 YRS AGO, MY ELDERLY MOTHER, 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER OF 21 YRS, WHO IS 97 YRS OLD MOVED FROM NEW YORK, TWO MINUTES FROM ME, SO I COULD BE OF HELP. AT THE TIME WHEN IT WAS MY STEP FATHER WHO WANTED TO MOVE CLOSER TO ME AND MY HUSBAND, I DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA. HAVE TO SAY ALTHOUGH, MY STEP FATHER IS OLDER THAN MY MOTHER HIS COGNITIVE STATE WAS BETTER THAN MY MOTHER. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY CLOSE TO MY MOTHER, AND WE HAD A GREAT RELATIONSHIP FOR MANY YEARS. THEY LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL CONDO 2 MINUTES FROM ME BY CAR, AND IT REALLY WASN'T UNTIL THEY MOVED CLOSER TO ME THAT I REALLY SAW ALL THE CHANGES IN MY MOTHER. PRIOR TO THEIR MOVING, I NOTICED MY MOTHER WAS A LITTLE CRANKY WHEN I SPOKE TO HER ON THE PHONE, AND A FEW OTHER BEHAVIORIAL CHANGES, BUT THOUGHT SHE IS GETTING OLDER, AND THIS JUST COMES WITH IT. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS, WHO NOW, NO LONGER LIVE IN NEW YORK, BUT EVEN WHEN THEY DID, THEY DID NOT PUT ANY EFFORT OR TIME IN TO HAVING ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP. FOR THE MOST PART, FOR XMAS, THEY WOULD BE A DELIVERY OF FLOWERS, ETC. FOR A HOLIDAY, AND MAYBE A CARD, BUT THAT WAS WHERE THEIR OBLIGATION AND CARING BEGAN AND ENDED. NOW THAT THEY ARE LIVING CLOSE TO ME, AND I NOW KNOW THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA, WHICH IS SO OBVIOUS, IF YOU ARE AROUND THEM, MY MOTHER AND I NO LONGER HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP WE ONCE HAD. SHE HAS FORGOTTEN ALL THE THINGS I HAVE DONE FOR HER MY ENTIRE LIFE, AND IS NOW SAYING CRUEL THINGS TO ME. SHE HAS FRONTAL LOBE DEMENTIA, AND IS NOW SCREAMING AND YELLING AT ME FOR THINGS OUT OF THE BLUE, ACCUSING ME OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS. FOR THE LAST 21/2 YRS BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE BEEN JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS NOT ONLY FOR HER, BUT MY STEP FATHER, TRYING TO MAKE THEM HAPPY AND CONTENT. AT TIMES, AT THE MOMENT I AM DOING FOR HER SHE IS APPRECIATIVE, BUT AS TIME GOES BY SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER HOW GOOD BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE BEEN TO THEM. HE IS NOT EVEN MY FATHER, AND HAS NO FAMILY LEFT, BUT OUT OF RESPECT AND LOVE FOR MY MOTHER, WE HAVE TAKEN ON ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR HIM TOO. HE TOO SEEMS TO TAKE IT ALL FOR GRANTED, AND ACCUSES BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS. MY MOTHER'S WALKING IS ALSO VERY BAD, AND THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR AT LEAST 8 TO 10 YRS AND EACH YEAR HAS GOTTEN PROGRESSIVELY WORSE. HER BALANCE AND GAIT IS TERRIBLE, AND WHILE THEY LIVED IN NEW YORK, THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS I WORRIED ABOUT. WHEN THEY MOVED TO N.C., WHERE I LIVE, ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I DID WAS BUY HER A VERY GOOD WALKER. IF SHE USES THE WALKER, SHE WALKS VERY WELL, BUT HATES TO USE IT, AS IT IS A REMINDER OF WHAT SHE IS NO LONGER CAPABLE OF DOING. MY STEP FATHER HAS MACULAR DEGENERATION, AND LEGALLY BLIND IN BOTH EYES. HE MAKES A BAD SITUATION EVEN WORSE BY TELLING MY MOTHER THAT IF SHE USES THE WALKER, SHE WILL BECOME DEPENDENT ON IT, AND THE SUBMISSIVE, NON-OPINIONATED SHE ALWAYS WAS, AND NOW WORSE, SHE LISTENS TO EVERYTHING MY STEP FATHER SAYS. IN FACT, I KNOW THAT HE INCITES HER ABOUT THINGS, AND THEN SHE GETS ALL AGITATED, AND SCREAMS AND YELLS AT ME. SHE HAS BROUGHT ME TO TEARS SO MANY TIMES, BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM TO EVEN BOTHER HER. I AM SO HURT, BUT I DO KNOW IT IS THE DISEASE. WHEN SHE GETS SOMETHING IN HER MIND, SHE CALLS MY SIBLINGS, AND TELLS THEM ALL SORTS OF THINGS ABOUT ME, AND THEY BELIEVE HER, AS THEY NEVER SPEND ANY TIME WITH HER, OR TALK VERY LONG TO HER, SO SHE IS NOT DEMONSTRATING THIS BEHAVIOR TO THEM. SHE HAS TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT WE SHOULD BOTH DIE AND GO TO HELL. I RECENTLY TOLD HER WHAT SHE SAID TO MY HUSBAND, AND SHE SAID HE IS LIEING, AND SHE NEVER SAID THAT. DON'T KNOW IF SHE REALLY DOESN'T REMEMBER OR COVERING UP FOR HER BAD BEHAVIOR AS SHE CAN BE VERY MANIPULATIVE TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS. MY HUSBAND SAYS, MY MOTHER KNOWS HOW TO PLAY ME, AS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT HER BECK AND CALL, AND MY MOTHER KNOWS IT. DEPRESSION, SADNESS, CRYING ALL THE TIME, NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING OR GO ANYWHERE, AND THE DESIRE TO ISOLATE MYSELF FROM EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN SO BAD, THAT I AM ON TWO ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. MY SIBLINGS WANT TO KNOW NOTHING AND HEAR NOTHING, AND BECAUSE OF WHAT MY MOTHER HAS SAID TO THEM ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND HAS CAUSED A BREAK IN OUR RELATIONSHIP. I AM 62 YRS OLD, ONE BROTHER IS 69, AND THE OTHER IS 64, AND A SISTER THAT IS 50 YRS OLD. WE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT ALL THESE YRS. WE HAVE NEVER SUFFOCATED ONE ANOTHER IN THAT THEIR LIVES WAS THEIRS TO LIVE, AND DID NOT LIVE CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER, BUT WHEN WE DID SEE ONE ANOTHER, IT WAS LIKE, WE PICKED UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. I AM DEVASTATED AND SHOCKED OVER THEIR VERBAL ABUSE TO ME AND MY HUSBAND. WHEN I MOVED THEM FROM N.Y. TO N.C., SOLD THEIR HOUSE, BOUGHT THE CONDO, AND A MILLION OTHER THINGS THAT HAD TO BE DONE WHEN YOU MOVE FROM ONE STATE TO ANOTHER, I NEVER ASKED THEM TO DO ONE THING, AS THEY LET ME KNOW RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING, THEY WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH CAREGIVING, AND DID NOT WANT TO GIVE UP ANY OF THEIR TIME FROM THEIR LIVES. MY OLDEST BROTHER TOLD ME HE WAS NOT OUT FOR A CRUSADE. DIDN'T KNOW OUR MOTHER WAS A CRUSADE. ANYWAY, I DID IT ALL MYSELF WITH THE HELP OF MY HUSBAND, WHO IS SO GOOD AND SUPPORTIVE. THEY ARE SO MEAN TO HIM ALSO. IF THEY ARE NOT VERBALLY ABUSING ME, AND SO TO SPEAK LIKING MY HUSBAND, THEN THEY ARE VERBALLY ABUSING MY HUSBAND, AND SO SPEAK LIKING ME. I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO MAKE THEIR LIVES COMFORTABLE, AND SAFE. AS THINGS WERE GETTING WORSE AND WORSE, AND I WAS BECOMING MORE AND MORE ILL, I DECIDED TO GET OUTSIDE HELP. I HAVE A CAREGIVER COMING IN TWICE A WEEK FOR 3 HOURS. SHE TAKES MY MOTHER FOOD SHOPPING, DOES SOME CLEANING, AND ON THE SECOND DAY, TAKES THEM TO THE SENIOR CENTER. THAT ONE WAS VERY, VERY DIFFICULT TO GET THEM TO ACCEPT, BUT SLOWLY THEY DID, AND THEY HAVE BECOME TO LIKE, AND DEVELOP A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CAREGIVER. THANK GOD!!!!!! EVEN THROUGH THIS HELL I AM LIVING, BOTH MY HUSBAND AND I STILL TAKE THEM TO DOCTORS, MAKE SURE THEY HAVE THEIR MEDICATION, PAY THEIR BILLS, AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE SAFE. I ALSO GOT MY MOTHER LIFE LINE. THEY HAVE BOTH CAUSED ME TO BECOME SO ILL THAT I COULD NOT FUNCTION ANYMORE. I FOUND THE LESS I WAS AROUND THEM, THAT I WAS EMOTIONALLY, AND MENTALLY GETTING BETTER. I AM NO LONGER THEIR MYSELF FOR ALL THEIR WANTS, NEEDS AND DEMANDS, AS I KNOW I WAS GETTING SO SICK. I FEEL SO GUILTY THAT I NO LONGER FEEL THE SAME WAY I DID ABOUT MY MOTHER. THIS IS NOT MY MOTHER, AND I DO KNOW IT IS THE DEMENTIA, BUT I HAVE TO START TO THINK ABOUT ME. I HAVE NO SUPPORT FROM MY SIBLINGS, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY DO NOTHING, AND NEVER DID, MY MOTHER THINKS THEY ARE SO GREAT. I READ EXTENSIVELY ON DEMENTIA, AND ATTEND ADEMENTIA SUPPORT GROUP, WHICH DOES HELP. THIS IS A TERRIBLE DISEASE!!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR ME, AND SHOULD I STOP FEELING SO GUILTY THAT I CAN NO LONGER BE THERE FOR THEM THE WAY I DID IN THE BEGINNING WHEN THEY MOVED TO N.C.? AS I SAID, STAYING AWAY SOMEWHAT, AND NOT BEING SUBJECTED TO THE CONSTANT VERBAL ABUSE AND UNTRUE ACCUSATIONS HAS MADE ME FEEL SOMEWHAT BETTER. I WILL HAVE THEM FOR XMAS DINNER, IF THEY WANT TO COME, AND WOULD NEVER NOT INVITE THEM, AS I COULD NOT LIVE WITH MYSELF IF THEY WERE ALONE, AND I KNOW MY SIBLINGS WOULD NOT MAKE ANY EFFORT TO SHARE A HOLIDAY WITH THEM. TWO OF MY SIBLINGS LIVE IN VA., AND THE OLDEST BROTHER, WHO IS THE PRODICAL SON, LIVES IN GEORGIA, HOWEVER, THEY COULD TAKE TURNS AND SHARE A HOLIDAY OR EVEN SPEND SOME TIME WITH THEM, BUT THEY WILL NOT. AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING BY NOT BEING THEIR PHYSICALLY AS MUCH AS I WAS, AS I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACKWARDS, AND GET AS SICK AS I WAS. I APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE YOU CAN GIVE ME.
TRANQUILITY

I HAVE TOLD MY STORY SO MANY TIMES ON THIS SITE. IF YOU GO TO TRANQUILITY YOU WILL READ MORE. MY MOTHER 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER 97 YRS OLD. BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA, AND I HAVE DOCTORS LETTERS. MY STEP ...Read More

I HAVE TOLD MY STORY SO MANY TIMES ON THIS SITE. IF YOU GO TO TRANQUILITY YOU WILL READ MORE. MY MOTHER 89 YRS OLD, AND STEP FATHER 97 YRS OLD. BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA, AND I HAVE DOCTORS LETTERS. MY STEP FATHER OF 21 YRS, HAS MACULAR DEGENERATION, MINI STROKE, AND DOUBLE BY PASS WHEN HE WAS 88 YRS OLD. I WAS EXTREMELY CLOSE WITH MY MOTHER MY ENTIRE LIFE, BUT SHE IS SLIPPING AWAY. SHE WAS ALWAYS A VERY SWEET LADY, BUT HAS TURNED INTO A SCREAMING, MANIPULATIVE LIAR. SHE SCREAMS AT ME AND ACCUSES ME OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS, AS WELL AS MY HUSBAND, WHO HAS BEEN SO GOOD TO HER FOR ALL THE YEARS WE ARE MARRIED. WE ARE MARRIED 43 YRS. SHE ALSO HAS A PROBLEM WITH WALKING. HER BALANCE AND GAIT ARE AWFUL CAUSING HER TO HAVE FALLS. THANK GOODNESS SHE HASN'T BROKEN ANY AS OF YET. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS WHO NEVER DID, AND STILL DON'T DO A THING. IT WAS ALWAYS ME, HOWEVER, SHE IDOLIZES THEM, AND HAS TOLD ME AND MY HUSBAND TO DROP DEAD AND GO TO HELL. WHEN I TOLD HER WHAT SHE SAID, SHE TOLD ME IN THAT LITTLE VOICE, I NEVER SAID THAT. I WOULD NEVER SAY SUCH A THING. EVEN THOUGH I KNOW SHE HAS DEMENTIA, I'M REALLY NOT SURE IF SHE DOES OR DOESN'T REMEMBER IF SHE SAID IT. SHE HAS BECOME SO MANIPULATIVE WITH PEOPLE ESPECIALLY ME. SHE KNOWS I AM A SOFT TOUCH AND SO EASY. I AM GETTING ILL, AND SO IS MY HUSBAND. MY MOTHER HAS TOLD SO MANY LIES TO MY 3 SIBLINGS ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND, AND THEY NEVER SEE HER OR REALLY GIVE HER ANY TIME OF DAY, SO THEY BELIEVE SHE IS TELLING THET TRUTH. FOR ALL THESE YEARS THE FOUR OF US HAVE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT UNTIL NOW. NOW THAT WE ARE ALL OLDER, AND WHO KNOWS WHEN GOD WILL TAKE ONE OF US, WE ARE NOT SPEAKING BECAUSE OF WHAT MY MOTHER IS SAYING. I REALLY THINK IT IS TIME FOR THE BOTH OF THEM TO GO IN TO AN ASSISTED LIVING. CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW YOU GO ABOUT THIS. WHAT HAPPENS IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO. THEY BOTH LIVE IN A CONDO 3 MINUTES FROM WHERE I LIVE.

I HAVE DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY FOR MY 89YR OLD MOTHER, AND 97 YR OLD STEP FATHER OF 21YRS. I HAVE SEEKED COUNCIL ON WAYS TO TRY TO PROTECT SOME OF THEIR MONEY. WHETHER OR NOT IT IS CORRECT, I AM N ...Read More

I HAVE DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY FOR MY 89YR OLD MOTHER, AND 97 YR OLD STEP FATHER OF 21YRS. I HAVE SEEKED COUNCIL ON WAYS TO TRY TO PROTECT SOME OF THEIR MONEY. WHETHER OR NOT IT IS CORRECT, I AM NOT SURE. I STARTED GIFTING 3 YRS AGO. THEY HAVE A CONDO FULLY PAID FOR, AND WAS TOLD BY AN ELDER LAW ATTORNEY TO PUT AS MANY NAMES ON THE DEED AS I CAN, AS THIS WILL TEND NOT TO BE LOOKED AT. I PUT MY NAME ON ALL ACCOUNTS ALONG WITH MY MOTHER AND STEP FATHER, WITH THE STIPULATION AND SIGNATURE OF BOTH PARENTS THAT THESE ACCOUNTS WITH JOINT TENNANT WITH RIGHT OF SURVIVORSHIP. BOTH PARENTS HAVE DEMENTIA, AND I HAVE LETTERS FROM THEIR PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR WHICH STATES THAT BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA AND ARE NOT OF SOUND MIND AND BODY. THREE YEARS AGO THEY MOVED FROM N.Y. TO N.C. WHERE I LIVE SO THAT I COULD TAKE CARE OF THEM. I HAVE 2 QUESTIONS. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS WHO NEVER WERE INVOLVED WITH MY MOTHER DURING HER FIRST AND SECOND MARRIAGE. I WAS ALWAYS VERY CLOSE TO HER, THERE FOR HER AT ALL TIMES, AND SHE WAS AS CLOSE TO ME. MY PARENTS HAD A WILL DRAWN UP WHILE THEY WERE IN N.Y., OF WHICH I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS IN IT, AND NEVER ASKED, NONE OF MY BUSINESS. ONCE THEY MOVED TO N.C. IN A BEAUTIFUL CONDO,WHICH I HELPED TO PURCHASE, SOLD THEIR HOUSE IN NY AND MOVED THEM TO NC WITHOUT ANY HELP OR INQUIRIES AS TO HOW THINGS WERE GOING. I WAS TOLD BY ALL 3 SIBLINGS THAT THEY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. THEY LIVE 3 MINUTES FROM ME, AND I WAS TOLD BY LEGAL COUNCIL THAT ONCE THEY MOVE OUT OF STATE THEY NEEDED TO HAVE THEIR WILL REDONE WITHIN 90 DAYS OR THEIR WILLS WOULD NOT BE VALID. AGAIN THE STATE IS NORTH CAROLINA. I SAT DOWN WITH THEM, READ THEIR WILLS, AND ASKED IF THEY WANTED ANY CHANGES OR ADDITIONS. THEY HAD A FEW CHANGES, WHICH I WROTE IN THEIR WILLS THAT WERE MADE UP IN NY THAT THEY DID BY SELVES. THIS IS WHAT THEY WANTED. I BROUGHT THE WILLS TO A LAWYER, TOLD HIM THAT THEY WERE MY PARENTS WILLS, AND THESE WERE CHANGES THEY WANTED. THEY DID NOT WANT TO COME WITH ME. THE LAWYER MADE THE ADJUSTMENTS TO THE WILLS, AND MY MOTHER AND STEP FATHER WENT TO THE LAWYERS OFFICE WHEN THEY WERE READY. THEY WERE WITESSED AND SIGNED BY BOTH OF THEM, AND THEN THE LAWYER CAME IN THE OFFICE AND WENT OVER THE WILLS. THEY HAD NO OBJECTIONS AND SATISFIED. NOW ALMOST 3 YRS LATER, AND THE DEMENTIA IS WORSE THAN EVER, THEY ARE NOW SAYING I DREW UP THEIR WILLS, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING, THEY DON'T REMEMBER SITTING DOWN WITH ME AND TELLING ME WHAT THEY WANTED, AND THEY DON'T REMEMBER GOING TO THE LAWYERS OFFICE. MY MOTHER CALLED MY OLDEST BROTHER, AND TOLD HIM ALL SORTS OF UNTRUTHS, AND NOW AFTER DOING NEXT TO NOTHING FOR MY MOTHER ALL THESE YEARS, TOOK A TRIP UP FROM GA., AND WAS NOW ON A CRUSADE TO CHECK OUT THESE WILLS. HE NEVER CALLED ME AND DISCUSS MY MOTHER'S CONCERNS OR SHOULD I SAY INABILITY TO REMEMBER WHAT TOOK PLACE.. HE RECEIVED THIS PHONE CALL FROM MY MOTHER, AND NEVER LET ME KNOW HE EVEN CAME UP. MY BROTHER THEN TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF TO GET A ELDER LAW ATTORNEY WITHOUT EVEN TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT. I DID FINALLY FIND OUT ABOUT THIS, WHICH I MIGHT ADD I REALLY DON'T CARE WHO MY MOTHER AND STEP FATHER LEAVE THEIR MONEY TO. BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND AGREED TO TAKE CARE OF THEM BECAUSE WE BOTH REALLY CARED. THEY WERE BOTH GETTING WORSE PHYSICALLY AND COGNITIVELY COULD NOT MAKE GOOD RATIONAL DECISIONS, AND THERE WAS NO FAMILY IN NEW YORK TO OVER SEE HOW THEY WERE. MY BROTHER WROTE ME AN E-MAIL AND ASKED ME TO GIVE A $500.00 CHECK MADE OUT TO THIS LAWYER, AND GIVE IT TO MY MOTHER, WHICH I DID. IF IN HER MIND, WHICH I DON'T KNOW WHY, I WAS TOLD BY MY SIBLINGS THAT SHE DOESN'T TRUST ME, AND OTHER OFF THE WALL STATEMENTS. WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IS: I HAVE DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY, AND BECAUSE OF THIS, DID MY BROTHER HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE IT UPON HIMSELF TO RETAIN A LAWYER. AS OF RIGHT NOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THIS LAWYER WAS RETAINED. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL ME, AND AS OF YET HAS NOT GOTTEN BACK TO ME. AS I SAID, THEY ARE GETTING WORSE AND WORSE WITH DEMENTIA. I WROTE MY BROTHER AND TOLD HIM, AS HE TOLD ME, WHEN I TOOK THIS RESPONSIBILITY ON, THAT I AM VERBALLY ABUSED BY MY MOTHER AND STEP FATHER, AND NOW MY SIBLINGS, SO IF I AM SO MISTRUSTED TO THE POINT THAT YOU FEEL YOU CANNOT EVEN DISCUSS MATTERS WITH ME, THEN I HAVE NO PROLEM WHAT SO EVER TO RELINQUISH POWER OF ATTORNEY TO HIM, OR ONE OF THE OTHER TWO SIBLINGS. I WANT NOTHING, WANT TO KNOW NOTHING, AND NOW AS HE TOLD ME, " THIS IS MY BABY, AND I SHOULD DO WHATEVER I FEEL NEEDS TO BE DONE. I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO KNOW, AS I AM SURE NONE OF MY 3 SIBLINGS WANT TO TAKE THIS RESPONSIBILITY ON, AND I AM GETTING EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY ILL, THAT I FEEL THAT SHOULD BE IN AN ASSISTED LIVING. DO I HAVE THE LEGAL RIGHT, AS DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY TO PUT THEM IN AN ASSISTD LIVING. I SO MUCH APPRECIATE YOUR RESPONSE, AS I AM AT MY WITS END. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP AND ADVICE. TRANQUILITY

IN YOUR POST TO ME YOU SAID THAT FRONTAL LOBE DEMENTIA IS THE WORST. WHY IS THAT? I SEE IN YOUR RECENT ACTIVITY THAT YOU MENTION FRONTAL TEMPORAL DEMENTIA. CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME INFORMATION?
 ...Read More

IN YOUR POST TO ME YOU SAID THAT FRONTAL LOBE DEMENTIA IS THE WORST. WHY IS THAT? I SEE IN YOUR RECENT ACTIVITY THAT YOU MENTION FRONTAL TEMPORAL DEMENTIA. CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME INFORMATION?
TRANQUILITY

SECRET SISTER, THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST. NO, I REALLY DO NOT A GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM IN PLACE. MY HUSBAND HAS ALWAYS DONE SO MUCH FOR MY PARENTS, FOR ME TO TAKE SOME OF THE STRESS OFF, AND ALSO HE REALLY ...Read More

SECRET SISTER, THANK YOU FOR YOUR POST. NO, I REALLY DO NOT A GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM IN PLACE. MY HUSBAND HAS ALWAYS DONE SO MUCH FOR MY PARENTS, FOR ME TO TAKE SOME OF THE STRESS OFF, AND ALSO HE REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT THEM OR HE WOULD HAVE NEVER AGREED TO THEIR LIVING SO CLOSE TO ME. HE KNEW, MY 3 SIBLINGS WOULD DO NOTHING, SO HE KNEW HE WOULD BE MY ONE AND ONLY SUPPORT SYSTEM. I DO GO TO A DEMENTIA SUPPORT GROUP RUN BY THE SENIOR CENTER, AND HAVE A COUSIN WHO KNOWS MY FAMILY FOREVER, AND IS VERY SUPPORTIVE, BUT SHE TOO IS NOT WELL, HAS HER OWN LIFE, SO HOW MUCH CAN YOU BURDEN SOMEONE WITH YOUR PROBLEMS. WE DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY HAD DEMENTIA WHEN WE AGREED THAT THEY WOULD MOVE CLOSER TO ME,BUT I COULD SEE THEY WERE PHYSICALLY GOING DOWN HILL, AND NO ONE WAS IN N.Y. WHERE THEY LIVED TO OVER SEE THEM. AS MUCH AS I NOTICED CHANGES IN MY MOTHERS PERSONALITY I JUST DIDN'T THINK THAT HER COGNITIVE ABILITY SO BAD, AND ALMOST IMMEDIATELY I WITNESSED THE AGITATION. CLENCHING FISTS, BANGING WALLS, FRUSTRATION, SCREAMING AT ME, ALL SORTS OF ACCUSATIONS THAT ARE SO UNTRUE. I TRIED TO TELL MY SIBLINGS, BUT NOT NO RESPONSE, SO I JUST THOUGHT, IF I EVER WANT TO HEAR FROM THEM, I BETTER JUST BACK OFF, AND NOT SAY ANYTHING. MY HUSBAND IS ALSO NOT A WELL MAN. HAS 2 HIP REPLACEMENTS, DEGENERATIVE DISC DISEASE, SPINAL STENOSIS, AND SLOLIOSIS, AND MANY MORE HEALTH PROBLEMS. MY FAMILY KNOWS THAT, BUT THEY JUST DIDN'T CARE, OR EVEN ASK. I, NOR MY HUSBAND HAVE EVER HAD A FALLING OUT WITH MY FAMILY UNTIL NOW. YES, THERE IS MONEY THERE, WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT UNTIL I HAD TO MOVE THEIR ACCOUNTS TO N.C. MY STEPFATHER IS 97, MACULAR DEGENERATION, AND MY MOTHER 87YRS OLD, HATE TO SAY, REALLY IS NOT WORLDLY AT ALL, AND WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND DID IT ALL WITH NO HELP FROM ANYONE TO MAKE THEIR MOVE FROM N.Y. TO N.C/ MY SIBLINGS WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR CARE, AND I WAS TOLD, THIS IS MY BABY. MY OLDEST BROTHER SAID, HE IS NOT OUT FOR A CRUSADE, AND WON'T GIVE ONE MINUTE OF HIS LIFE UP. HE SURE IS OUT FOR A CRUSADE NOW. NOT THAT I GOT ANY HELP FROM MY SIBLINGS FROM THE BEGINNING, AND KNEW HOW THEY FELT, SO I COULD NOT EVEN VENT OR TELL THEM ABOUT HER BEHAVIOR, AS WELL AS HIS. I FOUND, BECAUSE I TRIED, THAT I DIDN'T GET ANY PHONE CALLS FROM THEM, NOT THAT I DID ANYWAY, SO I STOPPED CALLING TO TELL THEM ABOUT WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING WITH MOM. I HAVE NOT SEEN AN ATTORNEY, AS IF, MY SAVIOR BROTHER WANTS TO BELIEVE ALL THE UNTRUE THINGS MY MOTHER AND STEP FATHER SAY ABOUT ME, THEN I SHOULD NOT BE THE CAREGIVER. AS I WROTE HIM AN E-MAIL, AFTER A HEATED PHONE CONVERSATION, WHICH CAME FROM HIM, NOT ME, I WROTE AND SAID, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. I AM GETTING VERBALLY ABUSED BY MOM AND STEP FATHER, AND NOW I AM GETTING THE SAME VERBAL ABUSE FROM MY SIBLINGS, THEN TAKE OVER, I WILL RELINQUISH POA TO WHOMEVER, DO WHAT YOU WANT, BUT MY HUSBANDS HEALTH, AND MINE IS GETTING VERY BAD, AND THAT IS NOW PRIORITY NUMBER 1. WE WERE TWO FOOLS WHO REALLY CARED, AND APPARENTLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE GETTING OURSELVES IN TO. I WANT NOTHING. I AM NOT A MONEY PERSON. MONEY DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. I WAS SO HURT, WHEN MY BROTHER, WHO NEVER COMES TO SEE MY MOTHER, CAME TO N.C., FROM GA. AFTER A PHONE CALL MY MOTHER MADE TO HIM, AND TOLD HIM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT, AS HE WAS NOT FORTHCOMING. I LIVE 2 MINUTES FROM MY MOTHER. BEINGS I AM THE PRIMARY, OR SHOULD I SAY ONLY CAREGIVER IN MY FAMILY, THAT WHY DIDN'T HE CALL ME AND ASK "WHATS GOING ON". HE TOOK A 5 HOUR DRIVER FROM GA. I ALSO HAVE POA, AND YES I WONDER IF HE EVEN HAD THE LEGAL RIGHT TO TAKE THEM TO A LAWYER AND NEVER DISCUSSED IT WITH ME. I AM AT THE POINT WHERE I DON'T CARE. YOU NOW ARE READY FOR A CRUSADE, WELL YOU HAVE NO FIGHT FROM ME, BUT IF YOU TAKE THIS ON, YOU TAKE THE WHOLE BALL OF WAX, JUST AS I DID. STARLIGHT. IT IS ALMOST FUNNY THAT YOU TALKED ABOUT HOW MY MOTHER MAY FEEL ABOUT ME, SINCE I AM A REMINDER OF HOW SHE USED TO BE, AND I AM THE ONLY SIBLING IN N.C. TO DIRECT HER ANGER AT. YES, ANGER IS DEPRESSION, AND I TALKED TO HER DOCTOR, AND TRIED TO GET HER ON AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT, BUT SHE SAID SHE WON'T TAKE IT, AS SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE WAY IT MAKES HER FEEL. SHE DOES TAKE NAMENDA, WHICH SHE FOUGHT ME ABOUT TAKING, UNTIL MY SISTER HAPPEN TO BE TALKING TO HER ON THE PHONE, AND SHE TOLD MY MOTHER, SHE IS NOT A DOCTOR, AND IF THE DOCTOR SAYS SHE SHOULD TAKE IT, THEN TAKE IT. WELL, SHE ASKED ME TO ORDER IT FROM THE PHARMACY. I SAID THE SAME THING, AND IT DID NOTHING.GETTING BACK TO WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT MY BEING A REMINDER OF WHAT SHE ONCE WAS ABLE TO DO. I USED TO SAY TO MY HUSBAND, I ALMOST FEEL LIKE SHE IS JEALOUS OF ME. ALWAYS TELLING ME HOW YOUNG I AM. I AM 62, NOT YOUNG; SHE WOULD ALWAYS NOTICE WHAT I WAS WEARING,AND DIDN'T COMPLIMENT ME, BUT GO ON AND ON ABOUT THAT SHE CANNOT WEAR THE THINGS I WEAR. SHE HAS A PROBLEM WALKING. HER BALANCE AND GAIT DOES NOT ALLOW HER TO WALK RIGHT. SHE REALLY SHOULD BE USING HER WALKER, THAT I BOUGHT FOR HER, BUT MY STEP FATHER KEEPS TELLING HER THAT SHE WILL BECOME DEPENDENT ON IT. I HAVE TAKEN HER TO PHYSICAL THERAPY NUMEROUS TIMES, AND ALWAYS COMPLAINED ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE DOING OR NOT DOING FOR HER. I THEN TOOK HER TO ANOTHER P/T PLACE, AND SHE DID'T LIKE THAT EITHER. SHE IS OBCESSSED WITH THE WAY SHE WALKS. SHE HAS FALLEN NUMEROUS TIMES. I HAVE TAKEN HER TO NEUROLGISTS, BUT NOTHING CAME OF IT EXCEPT THAT SHE DID NOT HAVE PARKINSONS DISEASE, WHICH ONE P/T AND ORTHOPEDIC THOUGHT SHE MIGHT HAVE AS SHE HAS THE PARKINSON SHUFFLE WHEN SHE WALKS. SHE DID NOT WANT TO GO ANY FURTHER. SHE REMINDS ME CONSTANTLY THAT SHE USE TO WALK THE WAY I DO. THIS PROBLEM WITH WALKING HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR YEARS, AND GETTING WORSE. SHE BELIEVES THAT SHE WAS FINE IN N.Y., AND THIS STARTED DOWN HERE. IF I DISAGREE WITH HER, SHE WILL GET ALL AGITATED, AND START YELLING AT ME, SO I STAY AWAY FROM THE SUBJECT IF SHE BRINGS IT UP. ALL THEY BOTH TALK ABOUT IS THE PAST, WHICH IS FINE, BUT THEY THINK OF THE PAST BEFORE THEY CAME DOWN TO N.C., AND ALL THE THINGS THEY DID. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN DOING THESE THINGS FOR YEARS. THEY ARE LIVING IN N.C. A LITTLE OVER TWO YEARS. WHEN I WAS TALKING TO MY SISTER, AND I SAID TO HER WHY DID JOE, MY BROTHER FEEL HE HAD TO KEEP EVERYTHING A BIG SECRET FROM ME. SHE SAID, MOM DID NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ANYTHING. SHE DOESN'T TRUST YOU. WHEN I ASKED WHY, WHAT DID I DO, SHE GOT NASTY, AND THEN SAID, I AM THE ONE WHO HAS DEMENTIA, AND HUNG UP ON ME. MY MOTHER DOES NOT CALL ME ANYMORE, AND I AM NOT CALLING HER. I FEEL AS GUILTY AS H---, BUT EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT IS THE DEMENTIA THAT IS CAUSING HER TO TREAT ME THIS WAY, IT JUST HURTS TOO MUCH TO BE SCREAMED AND YELLED AT, AND TOLD TO DROP DEAD AND DIE. MY COUSIN, WHO I TOLD YOU ABOUT SAID, DON'T ASK THEM FOR THANKSGIVING, AND LET HER THINK A LITTLE, AND MY HUSBAND AGREED, BUT I JUST COULDN'T DO IT. I COULD NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE, SO I ASKED HER IF SHE WOULD LIKE TO GO TO MY NEIGHBORS HOUSE, WHO INVITED US FOR THANKSGIVING, AND BOTH OF THEM WERE INVITED TOO. NOW ANOTHER THING, I COULD SWARE SHE KNOWS HOW TO PLAY ME, AND IS VERY MANIPULATIVE. IF HER COGNITIVE ABILITY IS SO BAD, AND IT IS, HOW COULD SHE RATIONALIZE ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO MANIPULATE. SHE DOES LISTEN TO EVERYTHING MY STEP FATHER SAYS, AND HE DOES INCITE HER. WHEN I ASKED ABOUT THANKSGIVING SHE DID SAY YES, AND THEN WENT ON TO SAY, " WELL, HOW WILL WE GET TO YOUR HOUSE?" MY STEPFATHER DOES NOT DRIVE ANYMORE, AND SHE NEVER DID. I SAID,"MOM RAY (MY HUSBAND) ALWAYS PICK YOU UP AND BRING YOU HERE, WHY WOULD IT BE ANY DIFFERENT?" NO ANSWER. SHE ALSO SAID, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU AND RAY WOULD GO OUT TO DINNER. JUST SAYING THOSE TWO THINGS, MAKE ME THINK, SHE KNOWS DARN WELL, WHAT SHE HAS CAUSED, AND ALTHOUGH I CAN'T PROVE IT, I THINK SHE IS BEING COACHED. WE NEVER, EVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS. HAS SHE FORGOTTEN HOW ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER OUR ENTIRE MARRIED LIVES, AND THE OTHER THREE COULDN'T CARE LESS. HOW CAN SHE BE SO CRUEL AND MEAN. SHE WAS NEVER THAT KIND OF PERSON. I AM AT A POINT WHERE I AM BURNED OUT, AND ALL I WANT IS SOME PEACE, AND TRANQUILITY IN MY LIFE. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH STRESS AND HURT MY ENTIRE LIFE BY OTHER PEOPLE WHO I LOVED, AND WAS SELFLESS WHEN IT CAME TO THEM, AND IN THE END, BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND WERE TREATED LIKE S---. BOTH MY HUSBAND AND I ARE VERY CARING PEOPLE, AND FAMILY IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US, BUT IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS, THEN GO YOUR OWN SEPARATE WAY, AND YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE AND I WILL LIVE MY LIFE. NOT TO HAVE A PITY PARTY, BUT WHEN THIS FIRST CAME TO A HEAD, I WAS LITERALLY SICK. I AM NOW ON TWO ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, AND MY LIFE IS MISERABLE. I JUST WANT MY THREE SIBLINGS TO DO WHAT THEY WANT, AND I WANT NOTHING, BUT GET GOING. WE STILL ARE PAYING THEIR BILLS, TAKING THEM TO THE DOCTORS, MAKING SURE THEY HAVE THEIR MEDICATION AND MUCH MORE. GUESS, WE ARE TRUSTWORTHY ENOUGH TO DO ALL THE BULL WORK, BUT NOT FOR ANYTHING ELSE. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. THERE IS NO TALKING TO MY SIBLINGS, AND I WILL NOT BE HUNG UP ON AGAIN. I AM JUST SICK OVER ALL OF THIS, AND DON'T KNOW WHAT WE DID WRONG, EXCEPT BEING TWO FOOLS WHO WANTED TO BE THERE FOR MY MOTHER AND STEPFATHER.
TRANQUILITY

I PRETTY MUCH READ ALL THE POSTS, AND FOUND THEM TO BE EDUCATING, ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS, JUST FROM HEARING YOUR STORIES, I AM NOT ALONE, AND SORRY TO SAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I AM GOING THROUGH ...Read More

I PRETTY MUCH READ ALL THE POSTS, AND FOUND THEM TO BE EDUCATING, ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS, JUST FROM HEARING YOUR STORIES, I AM NOT ALONE, AND SORRY TO SAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I AM GOING THROUGH THIS. AS I HAVE SAID IN OTHER POSTS, I HAVE AN 89 YR OLD MOTHER, AND 97 YR OLD STEP FATHER OF 21YRS. HE DOES NOT HAVE ANY FAMILY LEFT, EXCEPT A FEW GREAT NIECES AND NEPHEWS THAT HE NEVER HEARS FROM, DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER THEIR NAMES. I HAVE 3 OTHER SIBLINGS THAT DO NOTHING, AND DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING. THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE AS TO WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH, AND SO THEY SAY, THEY DON'T BELIEVE THAT EITHER ONE OF THEM HAVE DEMENTIA. THEY WERE NEVER INVOLVED OR CONCERNED ABOUT THEM, AND IF I DIDN'T MAKE THE TRIP FOR THE HOLIDAYS, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN ALONE. I JUST COULDN'T BARE THAT. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE THEY REALLY DIDN'T CARE, BUT I DID. MY ISBLINGS DIDN'T ALWAYS, UNTIL MOST RECENTLY, BUT THEY WOULD SEND A CARD, FLOWERS, CANDY OR COOKIES FOR A HOLIDAY ETC., BUT THAT WAS THE EXTENT OF IT. TWO OF THE SIBLINGS LIVE IN VA., AND ONE IN GEORGIA. THREE YEARS AGO, BOTH MY PARENTS ASKED TO LIVE CLOSER TO ME. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE DOING THE DOING, AND I WAS VERY CLOSE TO MY MOTHER. AFTER PUTTING THEIR HOUSE UP FOR SALE, AND DOING ALL THE THINGS THAT COME WITH A MOVE FROM ONE STATE TO ANOTHER, MY PARENTS MOVED TO N.C. WHERE I LIVE, IN A BEAUTIFUL CONDO, WITH STORES WITHIN STEPS OF THEIR UNIT. PRIOR TO THEIR MOVE, I SPOKE TO MY OLDEST BROTHER,WHO LIVES IN GA., WHAT THEY WANTED, AND ABOUT THIS CONDO. AT THAT TIME, I WAS UNAWARE THAT THEY HAD DEMENTIA, EXCEPT THAT MY MOTHER'S WALKING WAS GETTING WORSE. I WAS TOLD BY MY BROTHER WHO LIVES IN GA., WHEN I TOLD HIM THIS IS WHAT THEY WANTED, AND THERE WAS NO ONE LEFT IN N.Y. TO OVERSEE THEM, THAT HE DID NOT WANT TO GIVE UP ONE AY OF HIS LIFE, AND THAT I SHOULD DO WHAT I WANTED, AND THIS WAS MY BABY. HE ALSO SAID HE IS NOT OUT FOR A CRUSADE. I WAS SHOCKED, BUT HE DID TELL ME WHERE HE STOOD, SO IF I WAS GOING TO HELP THEM IT WAS GOING TO BE JUST ME. THE OTHER TWO SIBLINGS BASICALLY FELT THE SAME. SO, IN ORDER TO DO ALL THAT WAS NECESSARY TO SELL THEIR HOUSE FOR THEM, AND BUY THIS CONDO, I HAD TO HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY. SO SORRY NOW THAT I GOT SO INVOLVED, AND ESPECIALLY HAVE POA. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE, BUT WITH THE HELP OF MY HUSBAND, WE DID IT ALONE, NOT EVEN A PHONE CALL FROM ANY OF THEM. WHEN THEY MOVED TO N.C. AND STAYED WITH ME UNTIL THE CONDO WAS TOTALLY FURNISHED AND READY, WAS WHEN I SAW THAT MY MOTHER'S BEHAVIOR, AGITATION, SCREAMING, ACCUSATIONS ETC. IT WAS THEN THAT I FOUND OUT THAT SHE HAD FRONTAL LOBE DEMENTIA. I TRIED TO TELL MY SIBLINGS ABOUT HER BEHAVIOR, BUT THEY FELT I WAS JUST COMPLAINING, AND DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR IT, SO I STOPPED LOOKING FOR SUPPORT FROM THEM. THEY NEVER CALLED ME TO SEE HOW THINGS WERE GOING, AND I STOPPED CALLING THEM. THIS WAS NOW BECOMING A NIGHTMARE, AND THE STRESS WAS KILLING BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND. I AM NOW ON TWO ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. STARTED GOING TO DEMENTIA SUPPORT GROUPS, READING EVERYTHING I COULD GET MY HANDS ON ABOUT DEMENTIA. WENT TO THEIR PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR FOR A CONSULT, AND HE CONFIRMED THAT THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA. HE SCORED WORSE THAN MY MOTHER, BUT MY MOTHER ACTS OUT MORE THAN HIM. I KNOW THAT HE INCITES HER, AND THEN SHE IS OFF ON A TANGENT. I LITERALLY WAS JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS FOR THEM AS WELL AS MY HUSBAND. I ALWAYS FELT THE SAME WAY AS THE POST THAT SISTER WROTE, AND EMPATHIZE AND UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING SISTER SAID IN HER POST. MY MOTHER CALLED ME ONE NIGHT, OUT OF THE BLUE, AND SCREAMING, I DREW UP HER WILL, AND SHE DIDN'T GO TO THE LAWYER. IT WAS ALL SO UNTRUE AND INSANE WHAT SHE WAS SAYING. I CALMLY SAID TO HER, MOM, FINE, IF YOU WANT TO GO TO A LAWYER AND CHANGE YOUR WILLS, FINE, JUST TELL ME WHERE AND WHEN. SHE SAID, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT. I THEN SAID TO HER, OK, YOU THINK ABOUT IT AND LET ME KNOW. THIS WAS THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER, AND SHE NEVER SAID ANOTHER WORD. I SAW A BIG CHANGE IN HER RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. EVEN THOUGH I WAS STILL EXPERIENCING THE AGITATION, SCREAMING, BEING ACCUSATORY, DEMANDING AND MUCH MORE. SHE WAS JUST DIFFERENT, VERY DISTANT. I CALLED THE AGENCY THAT I HIRED A CAREGIVE TWICE A WEEK FOR 3 HOURS EACH DAY TO COME IN AND DO FOOD SHOPPING, LIGHT CLEANING, AND SHE TAKES THEM TO THE SENIOR CENTER ON A THURSDAY. THIS WAS NOT EASY FOR THEM TO ACCEPT, BUT WITH THE HELP OF THE OWNER, THEY FINALLY ACCEPTED IT. I KNOW THEY WERE NOT HAPPY THAT I WAS NOT DOING THESE THINGS, BUT I WAS EXHAUSTED, NEEDED SOME HELP, AND MY HUSBAND IS NOT A WELL MAN. ANYWAY, I ASKED HER IF THE CAREGIVER THAT COMES IN NOTICED OR SAID ANYTHING THAT MIGHT SHED SOME LIGHT ON YET MORE CHANGES ABOUT THE TWO OF THEM. SHE SAID, THE CAREGIVER MENTIONED THAT YOUR MOTHER SAID, HER SON CAME UP FROM GA., FOR A DAY. I SAID, NO, HE WOULD HAVE CALLED ME OR STOPPED BY. I LIVE 2 MINUTES FROM MY MOTHER AND STEP FATHER. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AWHILE, AND THEN I CALLED HIM, WHICH I NEVER DO, TO TELL HIM THAT I HAD MOM TO THE EYE DOCTOR, AND SHE HAS TO HAVE SURGERY ON THE CATARACTS ON BOTH EYES. I THEN SAID, WERE YOU UP A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, WHICH WOULD BRING US TO THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER, WHEN I NOTICED YET ANOTHER CHANGE IN BOTH OF THEM. FINALLY, HE SAID YES I WAS. MOM CALLED ME, AND ASKED FOR MY HELP WITH THE WILLS, AND I KNOW SHE WAS ACCUSING ME OF ALL SORTS OF THINGS. I HAVE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT WITH ANY OF MY SIBLINGS, BUT I COULD HEAR IN HIS VOICE, THAT THIS WAS NOT THE PERSON I WAS USE TO TALKING TO. I TOLD HIM, HOW HURT I WAS THAT HE WOULD MAKE THAT TRIP AND NEVER CALL OR STOP BY AND TALK TO ME ABOUT HOW SHE FELT ABOUT ME. AFTER HE CAME UP IN THE BEGINNING OF OCTOBER, AND I NOTICED CHANGES, HER BEHAVIOR WAS WORSE THEN EVER. MORE ACCUSATIONS, MEAN AND CRUEL. WOULD SAY THINGS LIKE ME AND MY HUSBAND SHOULD DIE AND GO TO HELL. I TOLD MY BROTHER ABOUT THESE THINGS, BUT REALLY SAID NOTHING, AND SAID HE DIDN'T TELL ME HE WAS UP BECAUSE MY MOTHER TOLD HIM NOT TO TELL ME, AND HE DOES NOT LIE. I SAID JOE, THIS IS NOT LYING, THIS IS GETTING TOGETHER AND TALKING. I AM HERE 24/7, AND NO ONE KNOWS THEM THE WAY ME AND MY HUSBAND DOES. HE WAS NOT FORTHCOMING IN THE CONVERSATION, AND IT WAS GETTING A LITTLE HEATED. FOR SOMEONE, WHO TOLD ME HE WAS NOT OUT FOR A CRUSADE, AND AND WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS, IT SURE SOUNDED LIKE YOU WERE OUT FOR A CRUSADE NOW. WHO KNOWS WHAT SHE TOLD HIM, AND WHAT HE SAID TO HER, BUT AFTER THAT THINGS WERE REALLY DIFFERENT. NEXT THING I KNOW, HE CALLED AND SAID, HE WAS TAKING MOM AND STEP FATHER TO AN ELDER LAW ATTORNEY, WHICH FRANKLY, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THAT. IF SHE MISTRUSTS ME SO MUCH AND FEELS HE WAY SHE DOES ABOUT ME, THEN SOMEONE ELSE SHOULD STEP IN. AGAIN, NOT THE PERSON I KNOW. HE MET WITH MY 2 OTHER SIBLINGS ON A SUNDAY, AND ON A MONDAY, NOV.8TH TOOK THEM TO THIS LAWYER. HE REALLY HAD NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT WHAT TOOK PLACE, EXCEPT THAT THE LAWYER, WILL BE IN TOUCH WITH ME, AS HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME. TO CUT TO THE CHASE, BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND WENT TO THE LAWYER AND MET WITH HIM. AGAIN, NOT A LOT PROGRESSED, BUT NOW I WAS REALLY GETTING ILL, PARANOID AS TO WHY EVERYTHING WAS SUCH A SECRET THAT HAD TO BE KEPT FROM ME. I DID TELL THE LAWYER, DEMENTIA OR NOT, SHE AND MY STEPFATHER DO NOT TRUST ME, WHY I CON'T KNOW,BUT IF THEY FEEL THIS WAY, I SHOULD NOT HAVE POA, AND WHOMEVER WANTS IT TAKES THE WHOLE BALL OF WAX, JUST AS I DID. DOCTORS APPTS. TAKING CARE OF MEDS, PAYING THEIR BILLS, AND A HOST OF OTHER THINGS. I WAS LOOKING TO DO A GOOD THING FOR ALL THE REASONS THAT SISTER WROTE IN HER POST, BUT I AM GETTING ILL, SO MAYBE IT IS TIME FOR ONE OF THEM TO TAKE OVER. IN ANOTHER PHONE CALL, MY BROTHER THREATENED BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND, AND TOLD US TO GET OUT S--- TOGETHER, AND THEN HUNG ON ME. I CALLED MY SISTER, WHO I WAS ALWAYS FAIRLY CLOSE WITH, AND SHE TOO HAD AN ATTITUDE, AND I WAS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND, WHY EVERYTHING WAS SUCH A BIG SECRET. THE PHONE CALL ENDED UP WITH HER SAYING TO ME. "DO YOU KNOW WHO HAD DEMENTIA, YOU!!!!!! AND SHE TOO HUNG UP ON ME. WE ARE NOW NOT SPEAKING. MY MOTHER HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE CAUSED, AND THE RELATIONSHIP I THOUGHT WE HAD ALL THESE YEARS WAS A FANTASY IN MY MIND. THINK I ALWAYS FELT SORRY FOR HER, AND ALWAYS WAS THERE FOR HER. RIGHT NOW, THE ONLY DIFFERNCE IS THAT MY BROTHER E-MAILED ME AND ASKED ME TO GIVE MY MOTHER A $500.00 CHECK TO RETAIN THIS LAWYER, WHICH I DID. MY MOTHER DOES NOT CALL ME, AND I HAVE PULLED BACK ALSO. I KNOW SHE IS SAFE. SHE HAS LIFE LINE, AND THE CAREGIVER, AND IF SHE REALLY NEEDS ME, SHE DOES KNOW HOW TO DIAL MY PHONE NUMBER. I HAVEN'T A CLUE HOW WE GOT TO HERE AND WHY, BUT IT REACHES A POINT, WHEN YOU ARE GETTING ILL, AND YOUR LIFE IS A LIVING HELL THAT IT IS TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE. I ONLY WISH MY SIBLINGS WERE NOT AS INTERESTED IN THIS WILL, AND START TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AS FAR AS BEING A TRUE "CAREGIVER". I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AT THIS POINT, BUT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. CAN ANYONE GIVE ME ANY ADVICE. NATURALLY THERE IS SO MUCH MORE, BUT CAN'T WRITE EVERY DETAIL.
TRANQUILITY

I TOO HAVE 2 PARENTS WITH DEMENTIA, ONE IS 97 AND MOM IS 89. WE WERE VERY CLOSE, BUT SINCE THEY MOVED FROM N.Y. TO N.C., SINCE THEY MOVED CLOSER TO ME AND MY HUSABAND IN THEIR OWN CONDO, IT DIDN'T TAK ...Read More

I TOO HAVE 2 PARENTS WITH DEMENTIA, ONE IS 97 AND MOM IS 89. WE WERE VERY CLOSE, BUT SINCE THEY MOVED FROM N.Y. TO N.C., SINCE THEY MOVED CLOSER TO ME AND MY HUSABAND IN THEIR OWN CONDO, IT DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO DISCOVER THAT THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA. I HAVE 3 SIBLINGS. WHO WANTED NOTHING TO DO IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. TOGETHER WITH MY HUSBAND, WE DID IT ALL, MOVING THEM FROM NY TO N.C. IN A BEAUTIFUL CONDO. THEY HAVE BECOME IMPOSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH. PARANOIA, MISTRUST EVERYTHING WE SAY AND DO. THEY FORGET WHAT REALLY TOOK PLACE. AGITATION TO THE POINT OF CLENCHING FISTS, AND BANGING WALLS. SCREAMING AND YELLING AT BOTH OF US. BECOMES FIXATED ON A DELUSION. RECENTLY, MY MOTHER CALLED MY BROTHER IN GA., AND TOLD HIM ALL SORTS OF THINGS, WHICH COMES FROM HER LACK OF MEMORY, AND RATIONAL COGNITIVE THINKING, DECISION MAKING, AND THE LIST GOES ON. AFTER CALLING MY BROTHER, WHO TOLD ME HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR CARE, AND WILL NOT GIVE UP ONE DAY OF HIS LIFE TOWARDS. HE SAID, HE IS NOTUP FOR A CRUSADE. NOW, AFTER 3 YRS, AND WHATEVER MY MOTHER SAID IN HER PHONE CALL TO HIM, HE IS NOW ON A "CRUSADE". SAW A BIG DIFFERENCE IN HOW MY MOTHER NOW RELATES TO ME. DIFFERENT FROM ALL THE OTHER STUFF. ANYWAY, HE NEVER CALLED ME TO TALK TO ME ABOUT HER PHONE CALL, AS HE SAID MY MOTHER DID NOT WANT ME TO KNOW, AND HE DOESN'T LIE. HE CAME UP, AND NEXT THING I KNOW, HE HIRED A ELDER LAW ATTORNEY, AS ONE OF HER COMPLAINTS WAS THAT SHE WANTED TO CHANGE HER WILL, WHICH I WAS AWARE OF. ONE NIGHT SHE CALLED ME OUT OF THE BLUE, SCREAMING AND YELLING, THAT SHE NEVER DREW UP THIS WILL, DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT. SHE NEVER WENT TO THE LAWYER, AND IT GOES ON. ALL OF THIS IS UNTRUE. HOW COULD THE WILL BE WITNESSED WITH THEIR SIGNATURES, IF THEY NEVER WENT TO THE LAWYERS OFFICE. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS FOR THE BOTH OF THEM, ( STEP-FATHER OF 21 YRS, AND IS 97YRS OLD) AND NOTHING SEEMS TO BE RIGHT. ALWAYS HAD A VERY CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOTHER, AND MY OTHER 3 SIBLINGS, WENT ABOUT THEIR LIFE, AND NEVER GAVE THEM A SECOND THOUGHT. THEIR BIG CONTRIBUTION, WAS TO SEND COOKIES, FLOWERS, OR CANDY AT XMAS TIME. MY QUESTION IS THIS: I HAVE POA, AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. SINCE MY MOTHER THINKS MY BROTHER IS THE PRODICAL SON, CAN I JUST SEND ALL RECORDS, BILLS THAT WE PAY, APPOINTMENTS TO DOCTORS, THAT WE TAKE THEM TO, PRESCRIPTIONS THAT I MAIL AWAY FOR THEM, AND MUCH, MUCH MORE. I HAVE HAD IT. I AM GETTING SICK, AND SO IS MY HUSBAND, AND HE IS NOT A WELL MAN. CAN I RELINQUISH POA, AND SEND EVERYTHING TO HIM, AND JUST SAY, HERE IT IS, I'M DONE. IT REALLY IS A SHAME BECAUSE BETWEEN THE FOUR OF US, WE NEVER HAD A FALLING OUT. NOW WE ARE NOT SPEAKING, SINCE MY MOTHER CALLED MY BROTHER TELLING HIM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT, AS HE IS NOT FORTH COMING WITH ANYTHING. THEY LIVE 2 MINUTES FROM ME, SO TO SPEAK, THEY ARE LIVING IN MY BACKYARD, AND I HAVE A CONSCIENCE THAT NEVER QUITS, BUT I DID LET MY BROTHER KNOW VIA E-MAIL THAT I AM DONE. ALL HE HAS DONE SO FAR IS ASK ME TO GIVE MY MOTHER A $500.00 CHECK TO RETAIN THIS LAWYER AND GIVE IT TO MY MOTHER. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE, BUT I DO WANT OUT, AND HE KNOWS IT. CAN I LEGALLY, SINCE MY POA IS STILL IN MY NAME, JUST PACK ALL RECORDS, BILLS, ETC. UP, SEND IT TO HIM, AND SAY, HERE, I'M DONE. YOU DO IT ALL NOW THE SAME WAY I DID, AND DIDN'T EVEN GET A PHONE CALL TO SEE HOW MY HUSBAND AND I WERE MAKING OUT. I CANNOT BELIEVE MY MOTHER IS DOING THIS TO ME, AND FEELS THE WAY SHE DOES TOWARDS ME AND MY HUSBAND. I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE HARD, BUT NEVER DID I THINK I WAS GOING TO DEAL WITH THIS. I HAVE A DCOTRS LETTER FROM THEIR PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR, BASICALLY SAYING THAT THEY BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA, AND ARE NOT OF SOUND MIND AND BODY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TRANQUILITY

SECRET SISTER. I READ YOUR POST, AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING. THE ENTIRE THING IS WEIR, AND VERY CRUEL. NOT ONE OF MY SIBLINGS HELPED ME, NOR DID THEY CALL AD SEE HOW I DOING. GUESS,IF ...Read More

SECRET SISTER. I READ YOUR POST, AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING. THE ENTIRE THING IS WEIR, AND VERY CRUEL. NOT ONE OF MY SIBLINGS HELPED ME, NOR DID THEY CALL AD SEE HOW I DOING. GUESS,IF THEY CALLED THEY MIGHT HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. MH HUSBAND AND I DID IT ALL, FROM SELLING THEIR HOUSE IN N.Y., WHICH WHICH IS SOMETHING COULD GO WRONG, EERY BIT OF IT DIDID. , HOWEER WE STILL DID IT ON OUR OWN. I WAS TOLD HOW THEY FELT SO WY PUSH THE ISSUE. ANYWAY, NOW SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH HER WILL, AND SO DOES MY STEPFATHER. HAD ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ONE THAT WAS IN N.Y., AND BASICALLY I JUST REREAD THE WHILL FROM N.Y., AND ASKED THEM IF THEY WANTED ANY CANGES OR ADDIIONS. I WAS TOLD THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT HER GRANDCHILLDRE IN IT, HUT ERYTHING DHOULF DSY YHR DSJR. HE WANTED ONE OF HIS NEIVES TAKEN OUT OF THE WILL. HE IS THE LAST ONE LEFT OF HIS FAMILY, AND DOESN'T HEAR OR SEE FROM ANY OF THEM, BUT THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED SO THERE WAS NO DISCUSSION. NOW, THEY DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING, AND SAYS SHE NEVER WENT THE LAWYER. SHE CALLED ME ONE NIGHT OUT OF THE BLUE, AND STARTED SCREAMING AT ME. I SAID, "MOM, IF YOU WANT YOUR WILLS CHANGED, JUST TELLL ME WHERE AND WHEN. SHE SAID, WELL I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT A LITTLE MORE. I SAID O, YOU LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU ARE READY. DIDN'T HEAR ANYMORE, BUT I NOTICED A CHANGE IN HER PSERSONALITY. VERY DISTANT AND COLD. SHE IS SHOWING ALL THE SIGNS OF DEMENTIA, AND INCLUDED IN THAT IS PARANOIA, AGITATION, MANIPULATION DENIAL, MEMORY LOSS. ANYWAY, I FOUND OUT FROM HER CAREGIVER THAT COMES TWICE A WEEK FOR THREE HOURS THAT MY BROTHER FROM GA., WAS UP. I SAID, NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE, HE WOULD HAVE AT LEAST CALLED ME. I LIVE 2 MINUTES AWAY FROM MY MOTHER WELL HE ADMITTED IT, AND SAID MOM CALLED HIM, NEVER REALLY SAID WHAT SHE SAID TO HIM, AND WHEN I AKED HIM WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL, AND HEAR FROM ME WHAT'S GOING ON. HE SAID, I PROMISED HER I WOULDN'T TELL YOU, AND I DON'T LIE. REALLY, THIS IS NOT LIEING, IT JUST BEING UPRFONT, CONFIDING IN ME. WANYWAY, HEJUST KEPT SAYING, I PROMISEDHER, AND I DON'T LIE. EXCUSE MY FRENCH, BUT THIS IS BULLSHIT. HE SAID THAT HE WAS TAKING HIM TO AN ELDER LAW ATTORNEY, AND ALREADY HAE AN APPOINTMENT. THIS COMING FROM THE GUY WHO SAID TO ME I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS. I WON'T GIVE UP ONE MOMENT OF MY LIFE, DOING WHAT YOU ARE WILLING TO DO. THAT THIS IS MY BABY, AND TO CUT TO THE CASE, HE WILL STAY OUTSIDE OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE, HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. SPOKE TO SISTER, AND I COULD TELL FROM HER THAT SHE WAS DISTANT AND COLD AND DISTANT, AND IT SEEMED TO BE SHE WAS LOOKING FOR AN ARGUMENT, WHICH I DIDN'T GIVE HER, BUT JUST TO UNDERSTAND, WHY EVERYTHING WAS SUCH A SECRET. ALL SHE REALLY SAID, MOM DOESN'TRUST YOU, YET BOTH ME AND MY HUSBAND WERE JUMPING THROUGG HOOPS FOR HER AND MY STEPFATHER. HAVE TO SAY HE INCITES HER, AND SHE BELIEVES EVERYTHING HE SAYS. THE MAN IS 97 YRS OLD. ANYWAY WHEN I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON, BUT HAD NO IDEA WHY ALL THE PIECES STARTED TO FIT. SHE FINALY TOLD ME THAT I WAS THE ONE THAT HAD DEMENTIA, AND HUNG UP ON ME, SPOKE TO MY BROTHER
AGAIN ON PHONE, BUT HE TOO WAS LOOKING FOR AN ARGUMENT, OF WHICH I WASN'T GOING TO HIM. HE TOO WAS LOUD AND REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO TALK, SO HE THREATENED ME AND MY HUSBAND THAT HE WAS GOING TO COME UP, AND DO SOMETHING TO US, AND THEN SAID, WE NEED TO GET OUR SHIT TOGETHER, AND HUNG UP ON ME. PRIOR TO THAT ARGUMENT, HE INFORMED ME THAT HE MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH AN ELDER CARE LAWYER. FOR SOMEONE WHO TOLD ME HE IS NOT OUT FOR A CRUSADE, HE CERTAINLY IS DOING IT NOW. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID, EXCEPT THAT MY MOTHER WANTED HER WILL CHANGED, WHICH I TOLD HER I WOULD DO, BUT INSTEAD CALLED MY BROTHER IN GA.. HAVE TO SAY, ALTHOUGH, HE NEVER WAS REALLY THERE FOR MY MOTHER, EXCEPT ME AND MY HUSBAND, I KNOW THAT SHE THINKS HE IS THE PRODICAL SON. YOU MENTIONED THAT BECAUSE I HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY THAT I SHOULD SEEK A LAWYER. WHO DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO THAT. IF MY MOTHER DOESN'T TRUST ME, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY, AND TRUSTS MY BROTHER, THEN HE CAN HAVE POW, BUT HE TAKES THE WHOLE BALL OF WAX AS I DID, AND I DID IT ALL. HE WILL NOT GET POW, AND THEN PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT HE IS WILLING TO DO. I COULDN'T DO THAT. NO ONE WOULD EVEN LISTEN TO ME. WHEN I TRIED TO TELL MY SISTER THE BEHAVIOR I WAS EXPERIENCING, SHE TOLD ME I HAD DEMENTIA. I HAVE DONE IT ALL WITH THE HELP OF MY HUSBAND, HAVE GONE ALONG WITH ALL THEIR DEMANDS AND COMPLAINTS, NEVER GOT ONE PHONE CALL FROM MY THREE SIBLINGS IN 3 YRS, EXCEPT IF MY SISTER WANTED TO COME DOWN FROM VA., FOR A VACATION. WHILE SHE WOULD BE HERE, SHE GAVE NEXT TO NO TIME WITH MY MOTHER. IF I DID NOT MY MOTHER AT MY HOME WHILE MY SISTE WAS HERE, MY MOTHER WOULD HAVE NOT SEEN MY SISTER EXCEPT FOR MAYBE 1/2 HOUR PRIOR TO LEAVING FOR HOME. I WAS VERY SICK OVER ALL OF THIS, AND I AM STILL TO A DEGREE. I AM ON TWO ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, DO NOT SLEEP, AND KEEP ASKING MYSELF WHAT WAS IT THAT I DID SO WRONG.

CONTINUED FROM TRANQUILITY.
I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT SHE DOES WITH HER WILL, SHE CAN LEAVE WHATEVER HE WANT TO WHOMEVER SHE WANTS, BUT NOW I AM BEING MADE OUT TO BE THE "BAD ONE". MY SISTER TOLD ...Read More

CONTINUED FROM TRANQUILITY.
I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT SHE DOES WITH HER WILL, SHE CAN LEAVE WHATEVER HE WANT TO WHOMEVER SHE WANTS, BUT NOW I AM BEING MADE OUT TO BE THE "BAD ONE". MY SISTER TOLD ME THAT, MY MOTHER DOESN'T TRUST ME, AND SO ON. I TOLD HER THE STORY AS I WROTE, AND SHE WAS COLD, AND VERY SHORT. KEPT SAYING, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN HER MIND, BUT THAT IS THE WAY SHE FEELS. SHE TOLD ME I HAD DEMENTIA, AND HUNG UP ON ME. NOW, I LET ALL MY SIBLINGS THAT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH VERBAL ABUSE FROM MY MOTHER AND HAROLD, AND I WILL NOT BE VERBALLY ABUSED BY THEM TOO. TODAY THEY ARE GOING TO THE LAWYERS. I ALSO HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY. DON'T KNOW IF HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO DO THIS WITHOUT SPEAKING TO ME. REALLY DON'T CARE, BUT ALL SO SNEAKY AND BEHIND MY BACK. WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS. TRANQUILITY

I HAVE READ THE POSTS, AND I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. MY MOTHER IS 89 AND STEP FATHER 97, AND BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA. I AM ACCUSED OF HAVING TOO MUCH CONTROL, MANIPULATION IS A BIGGIE. MY MOTHER ...Read More

I HAVE READ THE POSTS, AND I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. MY MOTHER IS 89 AND STEP FATHER 97, AND BOTH HAVE DEMENTIA. I AM ACCUSED OF HAVING TOO MUCH CONTROL, MANIPULATION IS A BIGGIE. MY MOTHER HAS CALLED MY OLDER BROTHER WHO LIVES IN GA. AND TOLD HIM ALL SORTS OF THINGS THAT I THINK THE TERM WAS IRRATIONAL DELUSIONAL BEHAVIOR. MY BROTHER AND TWO OTHER SIBLINGS WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING INVOLVING THEIR CARE, AND WHEN I MOVED THEM FROM NY TO NC WHERE I LIVE, THEY DID NOT ONE THING. HAD TO SELL THE HOUSE, DO ALL THE THINGS THAT HAVE TO BE DONE WHEN MOVING FROM ONE STATE TO ANOTHER. BOUGHT THE CONDO, AND ON AND ON. THEY DO NOTHING BUT COMPLAIN, AND SPEAK TO ME AND MY HUSBAND HORRIBLY. SHE YELLS AND SCREAMS AT A THOUGHT OR AN IDEA THAT JUST COMES OUT OF THE BLUE. WE WERE ALWAYS SO CLOSE, NEVER EXPECTED HER TO BE THIS WAY TOWARDS ME. SHE HAS NOW MANIPULATED MY BROTHER AND SISTER IN TO BELIEVING WHAT SHE IS SAYING, AND MY BROTHER MAKES SECRET VISITS TO MY MOTHER ( DID THIS TWICE) INFORMED ME THAT SHE WANTS HER WILL CHANGED, AND HE IS BROUGHT HER TO AN ELDER LAW ATTORNEY. I DO HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY, AND HAVE NO PROBLEM, IF IN HER MIND SHE MISTRUSTS ME AND WANTS MY BROTHER TO TAKE HER TO HAVE HER WILL CHANGED, FINE, BUT STOP THE SNEAKING AROUND, AND ALL THIS SECRECY. NOW, WE ARE NOT SPEAKING. AFTER BEING VERBALLY ABUSED BY MY BROTHER AND SISTER, WHO KNOW NOTHING NOR UNDERSTAND DEMENTIA, THINGS GOT REALLY HEATED AND WE ARE NOT SPEAKING. THEY NEVER CALLED ME ANYWAY, TO SEE HOW I AM DOING IN REFERENCE TO MY PARENTS. I HAVE NEVER HAD ONE FALLING OUT WITH ANY OF MY SIBLINGS UNTIL NOW, AND I HAVE TO SAY BETWEEN THEIR LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THIS DISEASE, AND MY MOTHER'S ABILITY TO BE SO MANIPULATIVE, AND STATES THAT SHE HATES ME, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I JUST NEVER EXPECTED THIS TO HAPPEN.
TRANQUILITY