Commented on a discussion 1/8/2010 at 1:18 pm
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, I HAD JUST GOTTON HOME FROM MY BROTHERS BIRTHDAY PARTY IT WAS LABOR DAY I CHANGED INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE ,LIT A FEW CANDLES SAT DOWN TO WATCH A LITTL
...Read MoreTHANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR KIND WORDS, I HAD JUST GOTTON HOME FROM MY BROTHERS BIRTHDAY PARTY IT WAS LABOR DAY I CHANGED INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE ,LIT A FEW CANDLES SAT DOWN TO WATCH A LITTLE TV WHEN THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR, I LIVE IN A GATED COMMUNITY SO VISTORS HAVE TO BE BUZED IN AND I HAD JUST LEFT MY FAMILYS HOME SO WHO COULD BE KNOCKING AT MY DOOR? WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR I SAW A POLICEMAN MY DOGS WERE ALL EXCITED I ASKED HIM TO GIVE ME A MINUTE TO PUT THE DOGS IN THE KICTEN AS I WAS DOING THAT I TURNED TO HIM AND ASKED "IS THIS ABOUT MY SON " HE NODDED. IT'S HARD TO SAY AND ADMIT BUT MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS" WHAT DID HE DO THIS TIME?" HE WAS ALWAYS A LITTLE BIT OF A HANDFUL A RUNNING JOKE WITH US WAS THANK GOD YOU WERN'T TWINS. HE WENT ON TO SAY "IM SORRY YOUR SON HAS PASSED" I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH OF WHAT HE SAID AFTER THAT I JUST KNOW HE SAID HIS FRIEND HAD FOUND HIM AND CALLED 911. MY FAMILY CAME RIGHT OVER, THE NEXT DAY I HAD TO GO TO THE MORGE TO IDENTIFY HIS BODY, NO ONE COULD TELL ME WHAT THE CAUSE OF DEATH WAS IT WAS PENDING FOR WEEKS, I DID FIND OUT THOUGHT HIS FRIEND COULD NOT WAKE HIM UP HE PUT HIM IN THE SHOWER EVEN STILL COULDEN'T WAKE HIM, HE LEFT FOR THE WEEKEND CAME BACK ON LABOR DAY AN THATS WHEN HE FINALLY CALLED 911 HE HAD BEEN GONE AT LEAST 5 HRS I WAS TOLD WHEN HIS FRIEND RETURNED HOME. IT'S BEEN 4 MONTHS NOW, I KEEP GOING BACK RUNNING IT ALL OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN MY MIND, THE FOLLOWING DAYS THAT FOLLOWED THE FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS ,THE SERVICE, PICKING UP HIS URN. I CRIED SO HARD WHEN I PICKED UP HIS URN WHEN THE DIRECTOR TOLD ME YOUR SON'S IN HERE AND JESTURED TO THE URN, I COULDENT CARRY THE URN TO THE CAR BUT I SAT IN THE BACKSEAT OF MY CAR AND HE WAS PLACED IN MY ARMS. IT'S STRANGE BUT I FELT LIKE I DID WHEN HE WAS BORN, 34 YEARS AGO A CARSEAT WAS NOT REQUIRED I REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS PLACED IN MY ARMS AT 17 YRS OLD, I WAS SCARRED NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS AHEAD WHAT THE FUTURE WOULD BRING, IT'S WEIRD BUT I FELT THE SAME WAY WHEN THE URN WAS PLACED IN MY ARMS, I WAS BRINGING HIM HOME WITH ALL THE SAME FEARS. KEITH WAS LOVED BY ALL THAT KNEW HIM HE HAD A WAY ABOUT HIM THAT DREW PEOPLE IN, HE HAD SO MANY FRIENDS,HE WAS A HARD WORKER BUT HE LIKED TO PARTY, HE LOVED THE GIRLS AND THEY LOVED HIM, HE WAS IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMEN HE HELPED PUT THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL, BUT WHEN THEY BROKE UP HE WENT BACK TO THE BUDDYS AND THE PARTIES. HE'D ALWAYS TELL ME NOT TO WORRY "I'M NOT DOING NOTHING MOM, I SWEAR" FAMOUS LAST WORDS. WE HAD AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP WE COULD TALK ABOUT ANYTHING, WHY HE DIN'T OPEN UP TO ME I'LL NEVER KNOW, I KEEP GOING BACK WITH REGRETS OF THINGS I SHOULD OF DONE OR SAID IF ONLY....I WAS TOUGH ON HIM THE LAST FEW MONTHS OF HIS LIFE, I HAVE A LOT OF GUILT OVER THAT, MY FRIEND PUT IT SO ELIQUENTLY THOUGH WHEN I WAS CRYING SO HARD I COULDENT BREATH-"YOU WERE JUST BEING A MOM" THANKS FOR LISTENING SUSAN