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Thank you so much for the info. However my mom passed away yes she had dementia and alzheimers plus other problem. If dementia and alzheimers is found to be part of the problem there are so many ways ...Read More

Thank you so much for the info. However my mom passed away yes she had dementia and alzheimers plus other problem. If dementia and alzheimers is found to be part of the problem there are so many ways to help the person. In my case. No one would listen that something wass wrong. The person with the illness can hide it . It the one that is with that special person who see;s it all. Our country needs to wake up you do not have to be old to come done with the beginng stages there are signs. Medicine still has a lot of learning to do on so many different of illness. That can be slowed down. if hospital, doctors would listen. This web site is great, and the book amother 36 hours. it tells it all. Some parts made me laugh. Due to the fact my mom had done some of the things mentioned. It will make you cry. I have read it several times. When a person has dementia and alzheimers, they sometimes fo not feel any pain or do not understand what is happening. I have tried everything. She is at peace now. They do not take there medicine. before she came down with the illness she would mix up all her medicine, that was after I or the nurse set it up. They have there own ways and will not listen. Thank you for the info.

I agress with your statement about stress. My is still high. Just last year I went through the same thing with my uncle. He had me listed as next of kin. When I received a call that he was found he a ...Read More

I agress with your statement about stress. My is still high. Just last year I went through the same thing with my uncle. He had me listed as next of kin. When I received a call that he was found he a condfused state I had an extra air fare ticket. Only to find the same type of problems all over again. It got worse when the nursing home he was in let him sign himself out. After I had all his miltary paper work and I was told by both the hospital in was in and also the nursing home he could never live alone. His own docotrs knew nothing. I told everyone it was not safe, his apartment was a mess with shit all over the bathroom walls. Of which I had to clean. This Oct almost to date of my mom,s passing he dies. How I found out was I received the statement from a unknown funeral home balance zero. Of course I called the funeral home I had set up the plans with they told me they did not know anthing until they received the same type of notice. Even though I was listed on his medical files no one called. My telephone number had been changed, but not my cell number or address. No police officer called me no telegram was sent. He was found in the morgue when two friends went to visit him. His own brother was not listed . They were never close only me.I found out with a lot of phone calls that he was abused. And all his money was stolen The case is in the Attorney genral office in New York. I am not next of kin my uncle is. When I called my other uncle back in April to let him know what was going on. All he did was make a call and spoke to my uncle while in was in the nursing home. If anyone has dealed with someone with memory lost they know that person can lie about things and hide things. He never went to visit his own brother. Well the fire dept of new York got involved and they had to elect a person to be incharge and get the body released. He final wishes were done and his ashes were given over to his buddy Marine and also retired fireman.To be placed in the mountain cabin up north. It makes you think who can you trust any more. I may have to go back to New York, I am the only one that did see the mess of the aprtment and the way he acted. His landlord had all his paper work and also my new number. plus cell number and my address. He would not even let the so call court appoited person into the apartment. This landlord has all my uncle important things even special military pictures. So you see how my stress is still high. Why do people not listen. Thank you.

What you stated is true to the point. maybe moving mom to where dad is will help her. Hospice does work with families. When dementia sets in and they forget who some people are. There is still some pa ...Read More

What you stated is true to the point. maybe moving mom to where dad is will help her. Hospice does work with families. When dementia sets in and they forget who some people are. There is still some part of them that has a memory. My dad had passed many years before mom got sick. (about 30). My mom had many falls I knew something was wrong, but I lived in Fl and she in NY. not until one long visit in 2001 Did I tell her docotor he had to do something. I did move her to Florida ( they said I could do it, I already had to leave my job due to New York laws with Durable power of attorney. I never knew until she was with me for several days and fire emergency had to come. I was advised after theycheck her out, this is too much for you, Your need to find help. In a way i was thinking out of the box before brings mom to Florida in case I needed day care. i did check out over 10 places and found one. After taking her to my doctors and haveing every thing done I could. I feel a sleep, thank god we had locks on everything. She tried to leave. I know what I had to do. But I wsa there all the time, Did things with the resedients and watch old movies, played games and did sleep overs. Mom knew me u ntil the very end. I did always have her hair done up , make up, pictures and stufff animals, was there for her. You do what ever you can. She was not in a pain , and she died with diginity in my arms holding on to a teddy bear and roseary beads. Singing a song. Rip in peace mom. may you all hang in there. Yes there are good people that can help. Always think out of the box and check places and people out. Reach out someone will be there for you.

Yes you were correct it what you stated Hang in there to all caregivers. Yes it is a tough road. God Bless.

Be glad your mom can do things around the house. I know when mom was in the nursing home from time to time I would always have her hair done. She did like also. In today's life with the way our hospi ...Read More

Be glad your mom can do things around the house. I know when mom was in the nursing home from time to time I would always have her hair done. She did like also. In today's life with the way our hospitals work and some times even docotor they don't think what it be like if it was one of there own family member going through the same thing. It's not even about age. If you go into a hospital these days and do not have some one who will be there with you if you very sick. They will do anything they want to you, run test that are not needed. It almost happen to mom several times but I was there to stop it. Life should be lived with diginity and care, love. Any one who has a parent and you are the caregiver I know ever thing that can go wrong. Yes there are many good people out there, but there are more that just don't care. Just like lindagabriel sated Hang in there, it is a tough ride you are not alone. This web site me through some very tough times.

Hang in there. I know it is hard you being so far away. it may not be depression. have dad take her to the family doctor and then set up an appointment with a specialist.I know for a fact the lond dis ...Read More

Hang in there. I know it is hard you being so far away. it may not be depression. have dad take her to the family doctor and then set up an appointment with a specialist.I know for a fact the lond distance. I live in Florida and when my mom was alive I was going back and forth to New York. I knew something was wrong. Yes she went to church and wroked until about 70. But she was saving things. It was not until I was in new York before 911 I saw more. Dress and gift I sent her not open. A special picture I had sent years bfore of my boys when they were younger at Christmas. Mail not open. Books and Magaines piled up high and also the garage had so many things. I was able to get her an attorney so if something happen someone would be able to be in charge. my job had a special program. They all except for $100.00. I had no idea she wass going to place me . I became a Durable Power of attorney, health expoxy, only person on the will and personal rep. She even did a DNR. Beleive it was a lot of work when in 2002 she fell and I was called. They told me she had the begining of dementia. On your next visit sit down with dad and speak to him. It won;t hurt to even get a second doctor to look at her. You can only try your best. May the angles watch over you.

If he has a regular family doctor see if he is able to taken out for a visit. explain everything you know to the docotor and you concerns. I know from past experiences the first thing some one will te ...Read More

If he has a regular family doctor see if he is able to taken out for a visit. explain everything you know to the docotor and you concerns. I know from past experiences the first thing some one will tell you get an elder care lawyer. I know what MRSA is. They get in mostly from a hopital and nursing home. Everytime my mom went into a hospital after she had a fall she came down with. The first time no one told me she had, I wanted to know the risk. and own doctor told me to go into a hospital and get tested. You see had altzimers/ dementia plus other problems. Sometimes when a hospital does surgery on some one (if your fatherr did) when they pulled the breathing tube out to quick they do damage to the throat. May be it hurts him when he eats. This happen to my mom several times, So I was there to feed her with boost, jello, baby food. Yes the nursing home say they do these things but they don't I know for a fact. You can also set up a meeting with the social worker and some one in charge about your concerns, Call your state elder care. I do hope you do have the durable power of attorney, health epoxy, in your name. If you don't thats when they can start playing head games with you. I had to leave my job for my mom. She lived in New York after 23 years on the job. I lost everything. Yes any nursing home/SNF's and even hospital are suppose to take care of the elderly but they don't. I went through it in New York and also in Florida. If his own doctor admitted him to the SNF he is in, see if he can go see him on his own, That is your dad and you are trying your best. If your dad health insurance cover sometimes the hospital will tell you to get a nurse to sit with him while you are work. I have seen it all from social workers to special people who sit and there not doing anything but reading a book. Reach out . One day stop by late and you may something going on you do not like. I was able to spend most of my moms final days with her. Every time she went into a hospital I was there. Yes there were many fights. I even had to make an emergency flight, my job let me go since I fell under the family medical leave act. When I got to New York I found her missing. ( she wa riding in the elevator.) her own name braclet were all on the floor taken off by her. Things changed after that. Health yes is suffering in this country. I know how you feel I saw things done to people on my unschedule visits. When mom was placed in a private assisting living in Florida.. Yes there were some problems, but my mom was a strong women and would hit people and even me. I did eat there, visit almost every day , do sleep over. but at the end, her body could not take anymore. That when the hospital tried to keep her alive, trying to force every thing they could. I stop them Ii knew. So she went back to the assisting living and died in my arms after three days. GOD BLESS and remember to take care of your self .

All the answers you received are great. the most important is the DIGNITY. No matter how bad my mom was with herr Alzheimers/dementia, plus other health problems I was there for her. To give her suppo ...Read More

All the answers you received are great. the most important is the DIGNITY. No matter how bad my mom was with herr Alzheimers/dementia, plus other health problems I was there for her. To give her support. My mom forgot everyone in her life even her husband, grandchildren and my hubby. My children and hubby would visit all the time. but they did not mind. She loved to color and watch movies, I would always take out the photo album or play music. Some songs she did remember. My mom passes away at 88, she knew until the end. I had bought her a special teddy bear that sang a song (that's what friends are for) froma daughter to a mom it read on its little purple sweater. She loved little teddy, When mom was going she held on to it plus my hand until the end. I placed it with her in the gravesite. I went out an order another for myself in memory of her. If mom wants to help let her, you may have to correct some things, be greatful that she can stay with you. This is a great web site. it helped me out through some bad times. I did go to doctors for help. All they did was try to go back to my past childhood. I also found a assisting living ( not the one mom was at) They had meeting every third Thursday of the month just to talk.That also helped. Remember to take care of yourself also. Like shelltbelly stated WE only get one chance with life make sure the rst of life is filled with love.

Any one can give advice. You can go to a doctor and they can give test. Some test do not show the begining of the illness. The person that is with him the most see all. Get your dad to the family doct ...Read More

Any one can give advice. You can go to a doctor and they can give test. Some test do not show the begining of the illness. The person that is with him the most see all. Get your dad to the family doctor for a full medical test with blood test included, then tell the doctor the sign you or your mom may be seeing. he will then send you to a specialist. They will sepeak to you both and then will sit dad done and talk and test him. Yes a neuro check is also important to. However the illness of dementia, can be hidden from the person. I know I went through it all. No one would listen to me at first. Even some test proved me wrong until it was too late. Take care and take advice, use you own judgement and think with your heart and your mind. God Bless,

I went though a lot with my mom. I first notice a difference after 911. She was fine the last two years before that. She did start buying things and having papers around , but when people get older t ...Read More

I went though a lot with my mom. I first notice a difference after 911. She was fine the last two years before that. She did start buying things and having papers around , but when people get older they do things. One good thing she did do was, my job had a special program for family members with legal advice. So when I was up in New York I was given a lawyers name so she could get a will, power of attorney and health epoxy on herself with a low cost of $100.00 for all. I had no idea I was the one she was going to place in charge. If I even knew what was going to happen I don't know what I would have done. When 911 happen I had a trip already plan to visit mom, Yes I was there. I was very sad myself however mom started to act different, she was just sent home from the hospital and a stay at a nursing home for rehab. I had just had surgery, but they would not let her come home unless I was there with her. Also bills had to be paid. There visiting nurses and aids since I was unable to lift her. She would just sit and watch TV. Stay up until 4o clock am trying to write out checks. She starting acting very confused. One time she had three diapers on at one time. The aids that was helping wanted to know what wass going on. She did recover from that, however is was only the begining. I also had a hard time getting a flight back to Florida. I was very lucky since my job also had the family medical leave act, I myself had some medical problems, but since I was now the main care taker of mom, If something happen to her it help out. It never worked out that way. It seemed every time I was going in for a surgery, something would happen to her. She feel one time in cold of winter being outside, just thinking there was ice outside and fell and hit her head. I was called and had to fly up to New York. Then she fell and broke a hip, then fell and hurt her arm. I had to mention to the docotor something else is wrong. Not until she started hiting me and seeing things that were not there did he beleive me. The brusies were there on me. Yes she had dementia. I begged him if there was medicine and if he could get me some extra help. I do blame myself for not seeing things sooner, back in 1997 I had to have Gall blader surgery( there was a tumor). I had been plaing a trip to visit mom and also my favoriate Aunt was not doing good. That was mom's sister. I explained after the doctor gave me the Ok to travel I would be up in New York. Well after being back from Surgery, I was out more than six weeks, (you see I only had a reptured appendix in Oct 996, and now we were in early April1997. I was sending cards regular, and one day I asked my boss a small favor if I would be able to check on my Aunt since my vacation was coming up. So I called only to find out that she just died. My own mom was asked several times to visit with her but she refused. My aunt last wish was to see my mom. I knew that something was wrong. My job allowed me to leave as soon as I could get a plane flight. ( vaction was changed to a later date,and funerial leave started. They were so kind they gave me five days with pay. Yes I was a good worker and also a manager. When I called mom she was in shock, she did not beleive me at first. She wanted to know why no one called her. I explained that she just passed when I had called. I did ask Mom why didn't you go and see her, they would even picked you up. No answer. That was my first sign. But I did not know then what it was. Things happen to people. Doctors do not understand only if you know the person 100% and care enough you would know what is really wrong. I live in Florida, so I did know everything. I left New York to get away from the crime and cold. It took two years to get mom to Florida after a bad fall she had after I had been advised by the State of New York to go home get things in order with my family and they would watch over her. I had to talk to my job of 23 years no I was not old enough to retire so I had to give notice in January that I would be leaving in May 2005 It was not fair to my job or to my health flying back and forth it was taking a toll. IIn January of 2005 I had to make an emergency trip when my mom was missing in the hospital. I had a terrible fight with a hospital that time. I was only back from medical leave and big boss let me check on my mom to see how she was. I was told that they were going to put me back on medical leave and call the correct dept, and get in touch with my doctor and personel and medical dept of what was happening. They got me a emergency flight, and told me if the hosptial called they would tell them I was at a docotr's visit.When I arrive in New York my uncle picked me up and we went to the nursing home rehab hospital. They all thought I was a doctor for a big meeeting, just the way I was dressed. When I asked to see Olive Thiel and they found out who I was they were in shock. She was not in her room, I looked all over, and found three ID braclets in her drawer and one under the bed. I went to the nurses station and threw them the braclets.. And asked for them to find my mom. You see she was riding in the elevator. They place a special monitor on my mom's arm band and it was locked inplaced. I got her home and had nurses come in and aids to help clean sssince I could not do it. From that time I never let my mom be without me near by. It took me almost two years to sell the house and things cleaned up. The house wasa mess. Ii found bills not paid, checks not cashed out from the government. Money in church envelopes. hundred of clothes with price tags on them. All very old. Thank god my uncle did live in the upstairs apratment, things could have been worse. My mom came to live with us, but beofre she did I made my hubby come with me to New York to see how she acted with him and also looked around at about ten different places for day care or if things got bad and I could not take care of her. I did find a beatuiful assisting living. My mom was great on the airplane calm, relax, no bathroom problems. She arrive safe and sound to her new home with me and her special room we set up. Things went great for four days, Then it all happen on a tuesday night. She woke up covered in urine. had to was her. Then made her breakfast she thre it in my face. that was ok made sure her sugar was ok and gave her medicine. I slept in the room with her the night before. But when hubby went to work it got worse. I was yelled at, called names, hit at. Told me it was her hoem to get out. Finally I got her to bed, I was so tired I feel a sleep on the toliet, I heard her walk by ( The house was child proof) She sat herself down on my couch with out the special mat, and would not move. I got her into bed, and checked her sugar level, it was so high, and she needed her medicine for the dementia. She would not take the medicine. finally after many try's I got the pill into her. Then I notice her eyes rolled back.I called 911. Fire resuce was at the house in minutes time. I had twenty firemen in one bedroom they checked her vitals, her medicine and her medical records. They said to me very calm that I could not take care of her in the house she was too sick. They were very nice and said they would able to hold her down why I gave her the shot and stay and wait to see if everry wass allright. Her vitals were ok. but however even though four od the firemen held her arms and legs down, while her gave her shots, of course she hit one of them and I was stick witha empty neddle. I was then told go to the doctor, and promise that I would find a safe place to taken care of. We did that the next day. The assisting living I was looking at took her in first as day care, but the firemen were right she was so sick the illness had taken over.She lived there for almost two good years being love and care for. always clean, knowing me at all times. I wass therre all they tiems with her and doing activities with the others. We had fun, mom became my friend, and a became her little girl again. She did have some falls and hospital visits, but I always sleep overr at the hospital's and spent night at the assisting living. playing games watching TV, dancing coloring, making decorations for the holidays. i liitle body statred to fail in late Sept 2009, I was advised they wanted to place her in a hospice hospital, but the assisting living of where she spent two good years, said they would take under the understanding of what was happening she was in the assisiting home from Oct 2, 2009 unitl Oct 5th she died in my arms knowing me until the last minutes. She is at peace now with my day in a national cementary. I am stress out still. I just lost my dear uncle in Oct 2011. If you notice a change speak up until you are heard.

Your words speak of kindness and the truth. Just thinking your mom is 93 WOW. Yes it is hard. My mom little body lasted until her 88 birthday. I knew it was her time after the hospital told me they wa ...Read More

Your words speak of kindness and the truth. Just thinking your mom is 93 WOW. Yes it is hard. My mom little body lasted until her 88 birthday. I knew it was her time after the hospital told me they wanted hospice to step in, but the assisting living home she wass at was her home at the time and wished that I bring her back to die with diginty. She knew me until her last moments holding on to my hand and her favorite stuff bear and rosary beads. May god bless you and your family and the time you have with mom.

It is very hard, I did it for years mom would fall down go into a hostial and then they sent her to rehab in a nursing home. I knew somthing ws wrong but no one would tell me. She would come home be o ...Read More

It is very hard, I did it for years mom would fall down go into a hostial and then they sent her to rehab in a nursing home. I knew somthing ws wrong but no one would tell me. She would come home be ok for some time, while I was there. We had nursing in , cleaning people. She would fight with all of them. She had broken her arm, fell broke her hip. But the nursing homes up in New York are the worse. You see so much. I was doing all this long distance from Florida to New York. After the last fall she had it was too much. You see had altzmiers/dementia that did not tell me the truth until I demanded a test. She would live the gas on, hit me, house was dirty, mail not open. So on one visit I sat down with a person from the state of New York a social worker, I was advised that they would be therre and for myself to go back to Florida and plan on coming back in two weeks. well two weeks did not even past, Yes I called every day, for one week making sure the medicine was taken. Mom sounded all right on the phone, it is a hidden illness unless you know the signs. Well one day on answer so I make a call to her doctor he said mom was back in the hospital another fall. When I got up to New York I found a mess, medicines all over, no one was checking in. They had to plac her in a nursing home her mind was going. Do not do what I did, Yes I did bring my mom to Florida , made my own house child proof , but I did question every one are you sure I can do this by myself. Well that was a lie. Mom was with me five days only then the abuse started the hitting, the child games of fallen on the floor not eating. Yelling at me. The fire dept had to come her sugar was so high, she blacked out. She would not let me give her a shot. The fire dept looked over her files and said to me dear how could you think you could do this . Mom wsa on so much medicine and her contion was not for being in a house. I had a private assisting room pick out for day care if needed, that is where I had to place her. It was very nice, I made sure pictures and things she like wherre placed there. I was therre almost every day. I even did sleep overs, and help decorate for holidays, and help with the meals. But I did feel bad, but she knew me but not my husband or children at the end. it also hurt me alot when many of the people had no vistors, I was there friend and relative. We watch movies, dance with some of them, color. I quit my job to be with mom, and gave up alot, and now today I am suffering. My mom is in a better place with my dad. Don't blame yourself things happen, you can not do a 24/7 and be there, it is not going to change things. Some people think they can do it all but you can not , you are only going to hurt yourself. When you leave next time say I will be back and say I love you.I know it hurts saying good bye. As long has they are being taken care of and you do visit.

Many of those who are care givers and even have durable power of attorney and all the legal papers that are needed to help their loved ones, are hit by the same door way you are trying to go throough. ...Read More

Many of those who are care givers and even have durable power of attorney and all the legal papers that are needed to help their loved ones, are hit by the same door way you are trying to go throough. I went through elder care social service. its was until protection services got envolved. you see I weent inot a bathroom near by it was summer time and she but ona pot of water, the gas piol blew out and the place wa filled with gas. I smelt it ran, shut off gas, got mom outside, called 911 and then open all doors and windows. They came, but they had to call protective services. She was ok, but she could have blown up the whole house. That is when even the docotrs listen to me that something was wrong, I knew. By the up keep of the house and the smell. She had alztimers/dementia. She was tested. However when social services says they will help if you are not there you do not know what is going on. I finally had to move my mom to Florida and then something I did not want to do place her in a beatuiful asssiting living near by so I could watch and visit regular. Take care, and do seek extra outside help and quidance. My mother did fight with the nurses and people that came in to help her, and I got the back draft from all. It is a diffcult thing to go through and watch to everyone.

All you can do is hold your head up high and know that you are doing the right thing. I went through the same thing when my own mom became sick. When she first was admitted to a hospital some of the p ...Read More

All you can do is hold your head up high and know that you are doing the right thing. I went through the same thing when my own mom became sick. When she first was admitted to a hospital some of the people went to visit, however when she got worse with the altzmiers/dementia and had forgoten certain things no one would visit or even call me to check on her. After my mom had passed away since I had moved her to Florida with myself, when she passed away I did make sure that her so-called firends knew and placed a notice in the church and had a special mass done. She was also buried in New York veterans cementary. Do you think any one called or even send a card or flowers. I did every thing I could for my mom, and always was nice to her friends and neighbors. even her own family was at the funeral grounds only myself and the priest and funeral director. You are not alone.

Yes everything is different in each state But the rule does apply in most states that a Lein can be placed on a house if there is no other person's name on the title. The lawyers gave that advice to m ...Read More

Yes everything is different in each state But the rule does apply in most states that a Lein can be placed on a house if there is no other person's name on the title. The lawyers gave that advice to my mom many years before she got sick, with altizmers'/dementia back in 1990. They tried there best to explain even though you have your daughter down as durable power of attorney, legal rep, health expoxy, and being the only person listed on her will, ( besides my hubby and children if I was to dye first. The house could be taken over to use as a lein until she dies or all medical cost were paid. She would not believe them and I went with my mom's wishes. It use to be 2 years in New York in 2005 they went back on assets then it became five and in most states it is now seven. If you go into a military nursing home they go back ten years looking at statement and the flow of money. I know that since I just went through this with my uncle in April 2011. I placed a $20,000.00 deposit back in 2005 when she was placed into the nursing home and made payments.. But the nursing home placed the lein on the house thinking mom was going to be there another year or more. No no one was told, not even the lawyers or real estateuntil the day of the closing in March 2007 we found out . Since my mom was unable to make decesion or think for herself that is when the Durable power of attorney comes into effect. If you do not have that you our out of luck They lawyers did try to work around the system but could not. If she had any life insurance polices they also could have been seized. But since I was the one who found them back in 2005 and was the only person listed I was able to use them for the pre paid funeral expense. I was only trying to get my point accross they people need to wake up and get there final plans done in case of emergency. You do want someone there to watch over what is going on even when you are in a hospital and speak up on your behalf. You are not reading this correctly. My own dad died back in 1974 mom was alone for years. Lucky she had myself and family who lived nearby and visit regular and then since she had a two family home she had my grandma and uncle move in into the upstairs apartment. The house was paid off in full in 1980. I had no problem when I went to have her will done by probate in Florida. No money was given to myself. I did get the deposit money back a year latter in 2008 after I brough her to Florida with me. Another thing for your info I myself did not get one cent of my money. And after the hospital was paid in full over $300,000.00 they tried to place many claims through medicare of which I found out and reported them. When was in Florida the same thing happen after a fall hshe had, a rehab place tried five times to get money from medicare after they were paid. That is why it is so important to have a person in charge if you are unable to take care of yourself. It has to be done before the fact. If my mom would only have listen to the lawyers back in 1990 I would not have had any problem, Both my mom and myself had no problems, I took care her until she died in my own arms in the beatuful assisting living home in Nov 2009, of which she was placed after I could not do it any more. I had no problem taking care of my own mom she only had a problem with my brother who abused her. I am sorry if I came accross hard but I am trying to let people know what can happen.

Dear igloo572 . No the will was not contested mom was alive. Some people do not understand just because you have a durable power of attorney/all types of legal papers. if the house only has the one na ...Read More

Dear igloo572 . No the will was not contested mom was alive. Some people do not understand just because you have a durable power of attorney/all types of legal papers. if the house only has the one name on it meaning my mom. When she was placed in a assisting living, the durable power of attorney did help me out but she refused for years, thinking I would get the house and she would never get sick. The state of New York nursing home she was in placed a $80,000.00 lein on her home. The bill was $10,000.00 a month plus more. They never told me about the veterans, but they can't help since she own property in only her name. The homes in Forest Hills New York are worth a lot of money. The lawyers /realestate and hospitals got most of the money For your info probate is done when a person is dead. No there was nothing wrong with anything. People please wake up for you families sake, I will helps it is very important, durable power of attorney is the best, legal rep helps. But is the house or property title is still in the person who can not make any decesion. A lein can be place. ( NO money was owed, ) only the bill for the nursing mom that was partley paid from month to month. They did it , it happens in many states. Even bank accounts that ITF on them, if there is no will it goes to propate.

Three hours is not that far away and you do have family that is close by. you do need to think about yourself since you will be the main person in charge. Sit down and talk to your sons, ask them if t ...Read More

Three hours is not that far away and you do have family that is close by. you do need to think about yourself since you will be the main person in charge. Sit down and talk to your sons, ask them if they check on dad, at different times. Even if it's for an hour. That litttle time they our with him will make you at peace. They can keep you inform of what is going on. But it up to you what you need to do. Once a nursing home or assisting living knows there is someone near by checking things are done different. I was in Florida and mom was in New York when I first found out she had a problem. I moved her closer into a assisting near by me in Florida and made visit's almost every day or when I could not had a friend check in. Like one of the advices given" only you can decide what matters most to you".

That is a terrible thing to go through. it is true there are Attorneys that take on pro bono cases. I hope when the card was stolen you have all the necessary paper work and write everything down, of ...Read More

That is a terrible thing to go through. it is true there are Attorneys that take on pro bono cases. I hope when the card was stolen you have all the necessary paper work and write everything down, of what happen. It helps you when you sit down with a lawyer, we sometimes forget to some the correct things, of how much we have been through due to someone else . I found out about lien's when a nursing home placed one on my moms house. I found out and the lawyers did not kknow until the closing day. myself. Elder law care may also be able to get you help.

Mare33 here is a hug for yourself and your daughter. blessing go out for your entrie family. You have a big bundle to carry. may you find the strength and others to help you out. Patty

In this day and age there are so many parents of baby boomers, who will not listen about What if something happens and I can't take care of myself. They are affaird someone is going to take something ...Read More

In this day and age there are so many parents of baby boomers, who will not listen about What if something happens and I can't take care of myself. They are affaird someone is going to take something away from them. But when they get sick even a child or love one can not do everything to stop things from happening in life. I was proud of my mom that she did make me her power of attorney and all the other legal papers were done correctly. I followed her wishes to the end. I was able to help her out when she could not take care of herself anymore. make sure even with medicare and and bills that came in there was no over billing for doctors or medical cost. Only thing she did not due was place her paid home with my name on it. It did was a problem in the end. Once a person is found to unable to take care of themselves, if there is nothing in writing it can go to the state and many problems do come up. Some older people do not understand this. They believe since they have children it all goes to the children, that is not true. I even made sure my mom had a pre paid funeral set up. Both myself and hubby have done all this after i learned alot after taking care of my own mom.

yes it is very hard taking care of a person on your own, I was young when I was taken care of my mom, I had to make choose to try the lond distance way since she was in New York or to get her to Flori ...Read More

yes it is very hard taking care of a person on your own, I was young when I was taken care of my mom, I had to make choose to try the lond distance way since she was in New York or to get her to Florida with me. Well since I was the power of attorney/legal rep/caregiver/health epoxy. Not knowing how sick she was. I left my job and went to New York it took years to get things in order, the docotors would not listen. But I knew something was wrong. I did get my mom to Florida however even though we had things set up I could not do it myself. I had to place her in an assisting living, ( which was a beautiful/clean/ large private house. They took good care of her.I was there all the time for two years. Since I was there I know about all the things that your hubby has, and the dementia and parkinson is the worse to watch. Look around try to get some family members to check things out with you. You can call elder care, and if was in the military you can get help also. Rita sometimes when you think by having some one you love placed in a special place hurts. It may be the best thing you may have to do. But do not listen to people check places out for yourself. What may look beautiful on the outside is differrent when you are not there. I even did many sleep overs, and wass always sleeping in the hospitalif my mom had an emergency. A person who has alztiemers/dementia like my mom wuld always say she was not in pain. The emergency room doctors or nurses would tell me she is in no pain! But I told them looked into her eyes see is crying. Take care of her. May this help you a little and god watch over you in this time. Yes you will help. Don't do what I did I forgot about my own health. Call and speak to the docotor or social worker even at the hospital see if they can work with you, they maybe able to find several places and set up an appointment with elder care in your state. God bless you.

Dear Bonnie, its seems everyone is giving you the same answer that every one gave me when I was trying my best taking care of my mom long distance,working a full time job of 23 years and trying my bes ...Read More

Dear Bonnie, its seems everyone is giving you the same answer that every one gave me when I was trying my best taking care of my mom long distance,working a full time job of 23 years and trying my best to keep my own health and body plus mind going in the right direction. Well it may be easy for some to say but it is hard. If you are the only one of which I was. I beg sought help from many people in high places but received no help. I was very lucky to being working for jobs that had the family medical leave act. Since I was also my owm mom only person, Power of attorney/ legal rep/ health expoxy/ care giver. I had many surgies on my body, also eye problems and the strees level was high.I notice a differrence in mom back in 2000. Things were upset when I went to visit on vacation. Everytime the phone at work rang, I thought it would be a customer calling in however most the time in 2005 it was a hospital in new York that my mom was in for a broken hip she was missing.I was very lucky one of my bosses was near by , and since I had just came back from medical leave,after breast surgery they told me they would call up personel dept and get me back on medical leave and booked a flight to New York ASAP. You can only do what you can, I found that out. But it is very hard to find the right person to make sure your loved one is taken care of the way you would do. I send out my blessing to you. Take care of yourself. I finally received a letter from a social security lawyer of which said I was mistreated by the Social Sercurity dep when I went to apply for distability. I left my job back in 2005 I was not old enough, lost my retirement after 23 years in banking. My mom died in Nov 2009 in my own arms.I bought her to Florida in 2007, it was too hard traveling back and forth since I also had a family. Not one person would help me only a neighbor. Go with your heart but may sure you do take care of yourself.

Hang in there you are not alone. I left a message on the board, I do hope it will help you out. I have gone through this twice.

I undestanding your mom is haveine 24/7 care. Is this from hospice? As far as the legal papers go/ as I stated before. If she sign the apers after she was ill they are not legal. A Durable power of at ...Read More

I undestanding your mom is haveine 24/7 care. Is this from hospice? As far as the legal papers go/ as I stated before. If she sign the apers after she was ill they are not legal. A Durable power of attorney if a better legal piece of paper. It protect mom and also the care giver. There should also be a back up in case the other person can not be there. Also make sure that the health epoxy or DNR is completed if that something you want. With my mom even though I had all legal paper work she needed. When she wass losing blood at the end just last year they force me to have two test. Once I did agree because the the hospital told me they will could take me to court. I told them I knew she was dieing and bleeding internal. the placed a tube down her troat, and told them want they would find. They also wanted to place a feeding tube and do a full barium. I said No Way. Let her die with some diginity an go to the asssting living. Of which the home allowed /Florida state elder car was involved. My mom had it in writing no feeding tube or doing ay specil surgial test on her body if something went wrong.She did need three pints of blood, I was also ordered to have that done. was her time. She died in three day after leaving the hospital. i receive a phone call from the fire dept, they told what was going on, you see the asssisiting living wanted to send her back to the hospital, but the Fire dept told she was going fast and they would keep her on oxygen until I got there. All her vitals were failing. You can not trust anyone, check on your loved one, and get with elder care if you think something is being done wrong. take care/

Every seems to agree, that great. It is terrible in this world we live that sometimes we have to try and trust others to help us out with care giving when we need assistance. Most of time there name ...Read More

Every seems to agree, that great. It is terrible in this world we live that sometimes we have to try and trust others to help us out with care giving when we need assistance. Most of time there name or agency is given by a good soucre. The state, doctor or even a hospital. You can not trust any one. One time I went into new York on a surprise visit when my mom was in the hospital, ( you see every time I called they could not find her). I live in Florida and mom was New York. So my job at the time had me on the employee assistance program since I also had some major health problems and I was my mom's legal rep and caregiver she fell under the rules. I got on a flight the next day. and went into the hospital as a surprise visit with my uncle. All dressed up in a suit &* they thought I was some big shot from the hospital in for a meeting. When I told them who I was and asked where my mom was I was told she was in her room. This was a rehab nursing home, Mom was not in her room and I had found three medical braclet's near her bed (all with her name on it). You see she was riding the elevator. Well I took her home to her house and stay until she was a little better and got the state of New to help me out. We all must have stories. Sorry for the long message. But no one understand what we even go though trying our best to take care of someone we love/who can not take care of themselves anymore.