Avie commented
7/12/2010 at 12:45 pm
Hi Nelly,
Thanks for sharing your personal situation with me. We have a lot in common. My mother (now 83) is several states away. Luckily, I do have my disabled brother living there with her
...Read MoreHi Nelly,
Thanks for sharing your personal situation with me. We have a lot in common. My mother (now 83) is several states away. Luckily, I do have my disabled brother living there with her in the same house that my mom ownes, but he is not street wise and really is limited to what he can do. For me, I'm just happy she has a man with her so that if only it appears she is not totally alone. I am worried though, she ownes her home, but twice now, without discussing it with my other brother in another state, that she signed up with two different contractors a few years apart. the first time he took her for over $20,000.00. they were working at her house for about a week before she told us and what is sickning, she was paying him as they go - rather than paying a deposit upfront and the final at the end, she was paying him --- later we found out he was actually asking her for money during the course of this time he was there and asking for cash . . . she would comply and go to the bank with this stranger and give him cash. Even the bank sort of questioned this when he was there with her, but they could do nothing - they or no one can keep her from spending her own money. she's competent to a degree, but it's obvious she needs someone to oversee her spending and without either my other brother or myself there physically near her, we can't do much. It's a dellimma, we want her to sell the house and are going to try and get her to agree to this and then we will take steps to get them both moved closer or in with one of us BUT, getting her to agree to sell is the first major step and we don't think she is going to want to. She avoids the conversation whenever I bring it up, yet she will complain about how much the hosue is too much to take care of. It's so frustrating. These older people can be soooo stubborn and really makes everything worse in dealing with them. for some reason they just are in denial of their own situation. I'm doing all I can from a distance. I plan to get her a "no soliciting" sign to place by her door that can be seen from the street . . . in hopes this may at least keep someone at bay, but she's so nice and when these people come to the door, she won't say NO and that's scary. They know what the are doing too. They are doing and saying everytihng that they know will get the elderly person on their side and they end up just trusting these strangers immediately. If they are competent and are not diagnosed as incompetent, then what can we do? My name is on her checking acct, but I still am not sure there is anything I can do to keep her from spending like this and getting ripped off. I'm researching ways I might be able to intervene without necessarily her knowing if that's possible. We'd have to have her proven incompetent I think in order to take any legal control, but I guess each state is also different in these legal issues. Ohhh, it's a real problem and so sad to see these elderly taken advantage . . .so sad. I am giving her examples of what to say if there is a next time and I just hope and pray she knows now that "NO" is an okay answer and it's not being rude. She is lonely and loves the attention and conversation these people offer her when they are there working and that is even scary. I had an elderly aunt murdered by a so called "yard worker" that she was trusting . . . he murdered her. It's a sad world, but I hear ya, I know a bit about what you are going through. Why is it they don't want help? Maybe they are denying they are getting old and need supervision, that's all I can think of. Well, Nelly I hope you get some answers and help. It's challenging for us children of elderly, something I never thoguht I'd have to deal with, but now I know. My brother who lives away from her and myself, said we need to see if we can get the check book away from her, and take over paying her bills, but I offered her that I would pay her bills for her nicely, but she said she's "okay for now and doing alright". What do we do in this case? They just don't see it, they don't see that there are very untrusting people out there just waiting to get hold of what these elderly have in their bank accounts. I wish you all the best Nelly. I feel this is a great site for us to share our situations and get help and support, so best wishes. Avie
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