Commented on a discussion 6/16/2008 at 2:31 pm
I took care of my mother for seven years before she passed away. She came to live with me when she had strokes and could no longer live alone I am an only child and felt completely that this was my o
...Read MoreI took care of my mother for seven years before she passed away. She came to live with me when she had strokes and could no longer live alone I am an only child and felt completely that this was my obligation and I didn't really mind at the time. I always had a wonderful relationship with my mother but when she came to live with me, it all changed. I think it is because they are so miserable that they can no longer be independent and they know that their time is limited. My mother became critical, grumpy and acted like she was a martyr if she had to stay alone on a very rare occasion that I would try and spend some time with my friends or someone other than her. It's a shame. then after she passed away, I had an aunt who had a stroke and I jumped right into that one and took care of her for three years until she passed away. I feel the same way that you do. I've told my children (all four of them) that I don't want them to sacrifice their lives that way. It isn't fair especially since there are decent assisted living or independent living homes for people to live in. I have an aunt who never had any children and she is 89 and happy as a clam in her assisted living home where she has lived for 20 years because she wanted to be prepared (she's the smart one). I wouldn't do it again because something changes in people when they get old or incapacitated in some way and they become selfish, angry, stubborn and unreasonable. Maybe not all but it seems to be true in many cases. We shouldn't feel guilty or obligated to take care of our parents and I think they may get better care in a facility where they have staff who are trained, nurses on duty, three nicely prepared meals a day and entertainment and socializing. Find a nice assisted living and go visit them once a week and let it go. You've done more than is fair and reasonable and if you don't do this, then you put yourself in a position of wishing them dead and being glad when they do die and that's not what you want or they want you to feel.