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lcs

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mhmarfil commented 12/30/2011 at 6:37 pm

Happy new year to you! how's your caregiving duties? are u done with it? or is it just starting all over again with another member of the family needing u 24/7? whatever your situation is, give yours ...Read More

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Patricia75 gave a hug 6/20/2011 at 1:39 am

A hug for you from Patricia75

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Patricia75 commented 6/20/2011 at 1:28 am

Dear Ics, Thanks for your concern and the nice note. To answer your questions,My brother hired a caregiver for our Mom a year ago. I am in contact with the caregiver on a regular basis she is a very n ...Read More

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VICKIBUG commented 6/19/2011 at 6:57 am

THANK YOU FOR THE CUTE HUG!! YES, I DO HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY, WE NEED THE SALE OF HER CONDO TO GET HER INTO ASSISTED LIVING. I PLAN TO TAKE CARE OF HER THINGS ONCE SHE IS IN.

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Eddie commented 6/6/2011 at 8:58 pm

Dad's with us in spirit. He passed in 1997. Whenever I feel down, I could swear I smell his Stetson cologne. Everyone, at one point or another, needs a source of strength other than our own. He's mine ...Read More

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Eddie gave a hug 5/31/2011 at 1:09 am

Thanks!!!

My Dad used to say "Whatever you do, whatever comes out your mouth, own it. ... It's not going to make you less of a man."

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ladeeda gave a hug 5/25/2011 at 1:40 pm

just wanted to give you a little update on my relationship with my son. I simply know that God has given me His Grace of peace of mind and that I have finally accepted this situation with Gods love. M ...Read More

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ladeeda commented 5/9/2011 at 11:09 am

Thank you for your support yesterday. An amazing thing did happen tho, as I was reading your wall, there is a post right under mine by sweisner, that hit me in the heart. I wrote her and thanked her a ...Read More

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ladeeda commented 5/8/2011 at 5:48 pm

Thank you for your support. Wish it was as easy as picking up the phone. I also understand that the ball is in his court now, so to speak, and I HAVE to keep my self out of the way and let him be the ...Read More

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ladeeda gave a hug 5/8/2011 at 12:10 pm

Thank you for your statement about moms seeing their unrealistic expectations of their own kids. That is not how you said it, but that is what I have been doing the past few months in regard to my son ...Read More

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sweisner gave a hug 5/7/2011 at 8:59 pm

When you realize you can't begin to get well when you are waiting for someone else to stop making you sick you can take personal responsibility for the quality of your own life. The only person you ca ...Read More

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vstefans gave a hug 3/22/2011 at 12:27 am

hey, sorry you lost your mom...just one extra hug, I hope you got plenty!

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krnhersh gave a hug 3/21/2011 at 6:50 pm

oh well, i still think that it isnt a jab at someone,if u have a different opinion, and that we are all wound a bit tight, having to deal with this- kind of life changing situation-
...Read More

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dinak commented 3/21/2011 at 3:36 pm

If you feel sorry for me, then you must feel sorry for the majority of human beings who do consider the best interests and expectations of guests for almost all gatherings. Again, leave me out of your ...Read More

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krnhersh commented 1/13/2011 at 10:38 pm

this is a little off topic-but do u know how to send a pix ?I would love to post u a few pix of my cats,I think it may send some love,and we all need some love.

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mjhoward1 commented 1/10/2011 at 2:45 pm

Wow...that was a powerful message and I thank you for that !

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krnhersh gave a hug 1/8/2011 at 7:39 pm

I was the eldest too, and also held a lot in- many yrs of therapy -and I am also so glad that I can be there for my 87 yr old mom. Sometimes my heart just breaks when I look into her eyes,and see how ...Read More

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yellowfeever gave a hug 1/6/2011 at 11:38 am

thanks for thinking of me. I am taking mom to dr today, so I will address the "accident" problem to see what he thinks!!

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EddieB091052 gave a hug 12/1/2010 at 1:26 pm

YES WE ARE! It's amazing how dad and I are much closer now than ever before. As teens, we don't fully appreciate the sacrifices our parents went through to make their lives a better place.
...Read More

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duanecornish commented 11/17/2010 at 10:07 am

unfortunatly i live outa state from my mom , my brother is however closer then me , as to your ? ive never liked my moms spouse n always had a bad fealing about the guy ! ive always felt he was some k ...Read More

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AgingCareTeam gave a hug 11/1/2010 at 1:39 pm

Happy National Family Caregivers Month!

National Family Caregivers month is about honoring yourself as one of the 65 million family caregivers in this country who take care of their loved o ...Read More

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Biscuit72 commented 10/8/2010 at 1:39 pm

I am not really angry at my husband. I extremely hurt. I really don't feel that counseling would work. I have told my husband repeatedly how hurt I was by his inconsiderate behavior. I truly think he doesn't get it. He has never experienced this himself. I don't believe counseling will help because I don't think he feels that he did anything wrong. I have been dealing with his needy, fragile mother for our entire marriage. Most of it was tolerable. Six years ago is when this problem really began. When she had a minor stroke and was hospitalized (three weeks before our daughter's wedding) I told him then that I understood that he would need to do certain things for his mother, doctors appointment, etc. I understood this but I also asked him to please remember that he had a family. I am not a needy, dependent person. I am a fairly independent person. I don't need my husband at my side every minute. I am entirely capable of doing things by myself and for myself. I might also that we have a 32 year old son with autism that lives with us. He attends a camp for 5 days every summer. This is the only time that we can take a vacation. I will mention this event because it was probably the most thoughtless thing that he has done in these past six years. We had a flight at 5:00. We had to be to the airport by 3:00. He had received a phone call that his mother had fallen once again and needed to be seen by a plastic surgeon for a cut she had received to her face. This call was from the assisted living facility where she resided. It was around 12:00 PM. To sum it up, he had plenty of things to do to get ready for this trip. They wanted him to take here to a plastic surgeon immediately to look at her face. He started to tell them about this flight and they proceeded to talk him into taking her. He went putting our flight and vacation in jeopardy. We did make it on time but not without a tremendous amount of stress. All he had to say was we were leaving for the airport shortly and they would have been responsible for taking her to the airport. This is just one example of how my needs, our families needs, and even his needs were always put on the back burner.

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mhmarfil commented 9/25/2010 at 10:01 am

Hi there! How's your caregiving life? I wish to have written earlier but just so busy multitasking and all the caregiving job. Almost three months ago, I was juggling work at the City Hall & mommy/dau ...Read More

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mhmarfil commented 9/16/2010 at 10:36 am

Hi lcs... how are you doing? Sorry, it takes me ages to reply. Just like u, I'm multitasking, and still in a very big sinkhole that is unemployment yet I'm compelled by my unique circumstances to be c ...Read More

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kinnella gave a hug 9/10/2010 at 9:10 am

Thank you for checking in. I have been so busy. Mom is in a rehab center right now. Me and hubby has put everything in the past and has moved on. He has been a great help with Mom. We are no longer tr ...Read More

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Answered a question 10/10/2011 at 12:38 pm

After 10 dates, my 80-year-old father with slight alcohol related dementia let a 25-year-old young gold digger move in with him. He wants me to stay away now and I'm very hurt and concerned. What should I do?

gmbyacht - I have often wondered what was happening in your father's life and in yours. Thanks for the update. I am SURE you aren't surprised at what has happened with the marriage. It is said that ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 10/2/2011 at 4:23 pm

Forgiving Your Parent for How They Treated You in the Past

It sounds like you need to take care of yourself right now. I hope the supplements work for you and that they DO have you feeling better than you have in years. Good luck.

Answered a question 9/29/2011 at 7:02 pm

My husband and I are moving and my mother wants to move to a new assisted living facility closer to us. How can I advise her to stay where she is?

Ninlinjoe, it appears that you and your siblings are doing your best to look after your mother and it seems that she is in a very comfortable facility that provides opportunities for her to make more ...Read More

Answered a question 9/27/2011 at 1:15 pm

My husband and I are moving and my mother wants to move to a new assisted living facility closer to us. How can I advise her to stay where she is?

I found your question very confusing. You say your mom is living in an ALF now but when she is told she will be moving to another ALF (to be closer to where you are moving) she may be upset when she r ...Read More

Answered a question 9/15/2011 at 9:59 am

How do I deal with my father-in-law constantly complaining about his health?

Hi dgrey 63

You received some , in my opinion, EXCELLENT answers to your query. I thought Ed's idea of you leaving the house for a couple of weeks was a super idea. As you are the main one ...Read More

Answered a question 9/8/2011 at 2:54 am

I am an only child and have a few friends. How do I get through the hard times after my mother and father just passed away?

Are your friends of any help? What about cousins, uncles, aunts etc.? You are probably totally exhausted and in that state, most, if not all, people need support. I am glad you are reaching out for ...Read More

Answered a question 9/6/2011 at 6:27 pm

Pick and choose. My husband told me that my mother cannot live with us anymore or he will be the one to leave. Who do I choose?

If Alzheimer's is the cause of your mother not being able to be left alone, sallyruth, then, as cmagnum points out, things are only going to get worse. I would suggest that you and your many siblings ...Read More

Answered a question 8/26/2011 at 9:31 pm

Pick and choose. My husband told me that my mother cannot live with us anymore or he will be the one to leave. Who do I choose?

golfbhard, I SHOULD also have said HE was even smarter to marry YOU!!! :-)

Gave a hug to madge1 6/21/2011 at 3:32 pm

I think you need a hug!! I am so glad that you wrote to the caregivers' web site. Once people knew more about your situation they understood. Have you any idea why your mom puts you down so? And w ...Read More

Answered a question 6/21/2011 at 2:54 pm

I have not talked to my Mother in over five months. She has lied to me over and over again. How do I deal with her lying and preferential treatment to my brother?

I agree that it would be best to tell the people that pass on the gossip that you don't want to hear anything anymore. It's all just lies so why put yourself through hearing them? All you might want ...Read More

Wrote on Patricia75's wall 6/20/2011 at 2:11 am

Patricia - you couldn't have chosen a better "hug" for me than the kitten and dog. I am an absolute nut when it comes to animals. Thank you.

Wrote on Patricia75's wall 6/20/2011 at 2:09 am

You ARE a survivor! Congrats on becoming a professional musician and teacher. I am happy to read in your note to Vickibug that you are a mother of three children. I hope you and your children have ...Read More

Answered a question 6/19/2011 at 7:02 pm

Is it wrong for me to pre-arrange mom’s funeral without my siblings input?

Yellowfeever - I was so glad to read that you and your husband are back together again and that you are working on custody arrangements of your children (from a previous marriage). I think it is good ...Read More

Wrote on VICKIBUG's wall 6/19/2011 at 6:14 pm

I'm glad you have power of attorney. I can see why you want to sell the condo if the money from the sale is needed to pay for your mom going into assisted living. I hope she will cooperate with you ...Read More

Gave a hug to VICKIBUG 6/18/2011 at 10:53 pm

Vicki - do you have power of attorney for your mom? Do you have the legal right to sell your mom's condo and her antiques? Guard yourself from getting into legal trouble. Your mother's brother soun ...Read More

Gave a hug to Patricia75 6/18/2011 at 10:44 pm

Hello Patricia

It appears to me that you have done all that you can for your mother and if she has dropped you from her caretaker list and hurt you in so many other ways too, I agree that y ...Read More

Wrote on Eddie's wall 6/6/2011 at 11:30 pm

My dad passed on in 2000 - he was 88 years old at the time. As the oldest girl in the family (and since there were no boys) I was my dad's righthand man on the farm and we worked a lot together when ...Read More

Wrote on Eddie's wall 5/31/2011 at 11:48 pm

You had a smart dad. He must be proud of you. Is he still "with us" or has he gone on to the next adventure?

Wrote on jeannegibbs's wall 5/28/2011 at 4:08 pm

Thanks for responding to my question with regards as to whether or not my husband is starting down the "dementia road". I will definitely consider starting to keep track of my husband's actions and be ...Read More

Answered a question 5/28/2011 at 2:48 pm

My mother pretends to be asleep and then jumps as if startled when we walk by. This happens 40 or 50 times per day. Is this normal?

If jumping and yelling when I "startle" my husband is a sign of dementia, then I am hoping some of you can tell me at what stage of dementia this starts to happen? I hope at a very early stage because my husband started doing this about a year ago. He has always attributed the startling to the fact that "I sneak up on him" because he didn't hear me coming (he has hearing problems that seem to vary) so I try always now to speak to him before I approach him (but when I do this before entering a room sometimes I startle him anyway by waking him from a snooze). I can't seem to "get it right". And I must admit that I find the jumping and yelling upsetting (some times more than at other times) because his jumping and yelling sends almost an electric shock through my system and it is very jolting. My husband has always needed a lot of my attention and at times I must admit (although it seems very suspicious and unloving of me) I wonder if his jumping and yelling is an attention-seeker. My mother who had dementia and hearing problems was never startled by me and she never jumped and yelled. My husband has gone from one illness to another for the past several years so I suppose he could just be stressed from all the illnesses (as I am) and this is why he startles so easily. I have suspected for a while that dementia may be my husband's next illness as he has shown some signs of its approach (and he is so much like his grandfather who had dementia) but I have always put all the signs down to the effects of his illnesses and tiredness and the many drugs he takes. I was so interested to read the question that prompted all the above responses. I have never encountered anyone else who was facing the problem of the "jumping and yelling" family member. I agree that it is not a BIG problem compared to the other things that go along with dementia but sometimes it's things like this that can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. As caregivers, we are all under a lot of stress so let's keep supporting each other.

Gave a hug to ppj784 5/28/2011 at 2:15 pm

Sorry that people jumped on you. I do know that the jumping every time can come to be annoying (although I know it is a small annoyance compared to other annoyances that can happen). My husband freq ...Read More

Gave a hug to jeannegibbs 5/28/2011 at 2:00 pm

It is a pleasure to read what you write. I think your husband probably gets such good care from his doctor(s) because you advocate for your husband so well. I hope there is someone there for you whe ...Read More

Gave a hug to Eddie 5/28/2011 at 1:56 pm

A hug for a man who admits he erred. You should be cloned!!!:-)

Gave a hug to LisaT 5/28/2011 at 1:55 pm

I, like you, am grateful to have found the right anti-depressant for my body. I am happy for you that your chemical imbalance has been corrected and life is better for you now. Weren't those crying j ...Read More

Answered a question 5/27/2011 at 1:00 am

Does anyone else's parent cry for no reason?

I have no idea whether there is a connection between having taken prescription drugs and later developing dementia but I do know that my mom, who was the type that would rather suffer than take even a ...Read More

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