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Debbie (Deej)
Gender: Female
Location: Hurst, TX

I am the genertation being sandwiched! I have four kids. Still have two older teens at home. Two oldest girls are married. Eldest expecting baby ANY day. I literally walked out of my job due to the stress at home with mom and now taking care of her full time in my home. With no help from my 0ne sibling. Trying not to feel guilty for my shortcomings

I am caring for my mother, Lura, living at my home and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia.

I am caring for my mother, living at my home and the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia.

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On My Mind...

Well just hanging in there with mom. Her AD is getting worse as expected so I just turn my head and laugh

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Ralph Robbins commented 2/2/2012 at 11:22 pm

Hi Deej. I'm not a mortgage expert and the best thing to do would be to read the loan documents and/or call the bank holding the note and ask them. However, this is the most likely scenario: remembe ...Read More

christina28 commented 11/2/2011 at 6:29 pm

Debbie: How did it go at the doctor? I hope you made him answer all your questions and that he explained different options. Please reply on your thread and let us know--because we care, you know:) Hug ...Read More

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Deej posted 5/11/2011 at 3:04 pm

Trying to stay positive and learn to be compassionate rather than patient.

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Deej posted 12/5/2010 at 11:36 am

Thank you. It is going by so fast here I saw this message and the kitty pic. I LOVE kitties..... thank you for your words and this blog.

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AgingCareTeam gave a hug 11/1/2010 at 1:56 pm

Happy National Family Caregivers Month!

National Family Caregivers month is about honoring yourself as one of the 65 million family caregivers in this country who take care of their loved o ...Read More

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prashworth gave a hug 10/18/2010 at 6:52 pm

I wrote a message to you. I hope it went through....I also want you to get this hug....many people are going through what you described. Just remember.....50 years ago, help like this, and caring pe ...Read More

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CallaLilly gave a hug 10/6/2010 at 11:05 pm

It is hard to see our parents age. Hang in there. Please know that you are at least in our thoughts.

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Pandoralou gave a hug 7/16/2010 at 8:01 pm

I see.......she forgets. Poor dear.

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Wrote on RalphRobbinsCFP's wall 2/2/2012 at 9:46 pm

Mr Robbins, I was searching in the aging site for answers to my questions and see you answered on one similar so am hoping you can answer mine and or send me in the right direction where to look or as ...Read More

On My Mind... 12/21/2011 at 8:56 pm

Well just hanging in there with mom. Her AD is getting worse as expected so I just turn my head and laugh

Answered a question 11/10/2011 at 6:12 pm

What will happen with my moms credit card debit and home loan when she signs over POD?

You mentioned some things to think about for sure. It is a line of credit already opened adn trying to weigh both options out and is really frightning me due to the economy. I would love to hear from ...Read More

Asked a question 11/10/2011 at 2:06 pm

What will happen with my moms credit card debit and home loan when she signs over POD?

Mom has Alzheimers in the middle stages and it hurts to watch her slowly drift away day by day but I am trying to keep a clear head in thinking about her finances . I have POA for several years now an ...Read More

Answered a question 11/3/2011 at 11:45 am

How do I deal with my mother's anger that seems to be increasing daily?

Thank you for asking how dr appt went. It meant a lot that people care when you're going through it with a parent and AD. I wish the appt had of gone better than it did but we will see. I wrote him a ...Read More

Answered a question 11/1/2011 at 5:30 pm

How do I deal with my mother's anger that seems to be increasing daily?

We have a dr appointment tomorrow for follow up so I will def ask him about the type of meds and the amount. I just know she use to not be this way but the AD has changed her and I get it....... she i ...Read More

Asked a question 10/24/2011 at 3:31 pm

How do I deal with my mother's anger that seems to be increasing daily?

Mom is 84 with Alz. Recently broke hip ( due to an anger outburst from AD she fell down) and spent time in rehab and is now home with us ( living with me 1yr 7 months- she thinks a few weeks). She is ...Read More

Answered a question 8/15/2011 at 8:50 pm

Why does my mother with dementia change her moods and personality depending on who she is around?

WOW can I say it sounds like I wrote this question and got it answered! Same here. Mom with Alz is nice around the doctors etc..... and mean to me and my husband. She was in rehab for 40 days recoopin ...Read More

Answered a question 8/11/2011 at 1:54 pm

A caregiver can watch my mom for more days but I feel guilty for letting her but it would help me out. What should I do?

Just how we work it here- mom has AD and lives with us. We used her assets to convert our garage into a aparment for her with bathroom bedroom and living area as apposed to the $$$$ for Assit living ...Read More

Answered a question 6/7/2011 at 8:45 am

My mom, who has Alzheimer’s, is in rehab for a partial hip replacement. What are some good activities and exercises I can use to keep her body busy and her mind sharp?

Thanks fir suggestions. I may try some easy "new" craft for her as the old ones weren't working ( like making those yarn hangers)but what really caught my eye was the comment about reptitive things. T ...Read More

Asked a question 6/6/2011 at 11:16 am

My mom, who has Alzheimer’s, is in rehab for a partial hip replacement. What are some good activities and exercises I can use to keep her body busy and her mind sharp?

I have been full time caretaker for over a year with 83 yr old mom with Alz living in my home. Many difficult issues with her due to AD ( significant AD abotu mid stage to some latter stages) due to A ...Read More

On My Mind... 5/11/2011 at 3:04 pm

Trying to stay positive and learn to be compassionate rather than patient.

Posted a Caregiver Story 5/11/2011 at 2:57 pm

Gotta laugh to keep sane with my mom with Alzheimer's. My second oldest daughter brought her new interest home for dinner after a day at the zoo. At dinner we were talking about the zoo and how they h ...Read More

Wrote on ByGraceThrough's wall 5/9/2011 at 1:46 pm

I have using this forum for awhile due to being a full time caregiver to my mom. I was exploring and it showed me suggestions of people who are in the same situation as myself and saw yours and liked ...Read More

Answered a question 5/9/2011 at 1:22 pm

My mom with Alzheimer's is constantly negative. How can I handle this behavior?

Well actually they just don't want like being here and want to go out. Of course I don't claim to have the perfect marriage and we have had our trials believe me in the past years ( he has hiw own iss ...Read More

Asked a question 5/6/2011 at 4:27 pm

How do I take my mom drivers license away due to Alzheimer's?

Just want some feedback for mom with AD who hasn't drove in over a year( I won't let her) Told DMV last Aug about her AD and again in Nov they never sent anything so I kept putting mom off about diriv ...Read More

Asked a question 4/29/2011 at 4:00 pm

My mom with Alzheimer's is constantly negative. How can I handle this behavior?

Any advice on this situation with my mother who has significant alzheimers and the continuing negativity. SHe has several health issues and AD and is on meds for depression and now one for her aggresi ...Read More

Asked a question 1/24/2011 at 5:25 pm

Is it the disease talking when my mom with significant Alzheimer's gets angry with me and tells me she's upset that she allowed me to be in charge?

Is it the disease talking when my mom with significant AD gets angry with me telling me she is upset that she allowed me to be in charge etc.... I was told by one person she is combative which today s ...Read More

Started a discussion 12/15/2010 at 12:39 pm

Help me I feel I am loosing it with mom's AD symptoms

I have been told by some one at AD assoc my 83 yr old mom needs to be on meds for her moodiness as they saw her in action one day ( she is already on wellbutrin) and doc said he will but rather wait until absolutely necessary as meds are always a two edged sword and I agree with him. Doc said she has significant AD ( other health issues as well) and a lot of times she seems all there about things but her time frames are always off and her reasoning in most areas are way off but then she makes perfect sense on some things so it keeps me confused) but I have had it with mom taking her anger out on my fifteen yr old son. It has been seven months since she accused him of taking TP out of her bathroom that he never took. He went in and got some water out of her cooler and since he is off limits in her living area( her living area has a bedroom private bath, living room and small kitcen area we converted my house for her room) with out me or any one just to appease mom. Last night he is in kitchen and she shouts out to him " what are you looking at? a crazy old woman?" and he wasn't even looking at her because I was right there and his head was in the cabinet reaching for a glass. This morning she came storming into my kitchen wanting TP ( just put several rolls out there two days ago) I went out and found them and showed her and she said that I must have JUST put them out there because they were not out there last night. I said mom I put them there two days go. She said no I didn't and that he took them and I lost it with her and said what did have against my son to keep accusing him? Plus saying I am lying when I alrady put them out there. Why is she so mad at him? She said she saw him DO IT and after all he is a MALE. RIght there told me what is going on....... she hates men...... I just know it stems to her child hood as her dad was an alcoholic and tore her family apart with it but now I am dealing with this. Do I put her on mood meds? I was told any AD home wouldn't even take her unless she was on them if they saw she acts like this and I sure can't keep taking this attitude either. Suggestions?

Started a discussion 12/9/2010 at 1:27 pm

AD mom being combative to an AD representative.

There is a new program in the support of AD in helping the actual home caregiver and I had them come out to meet with me and do the paperwork as they will send in home care for my 83 yr old AD mom ( s ...Read More

On My Mind... 12/5/2010 at 11:36 am

Thank you. It is going by so fast here I saw this message and the kitty pic. I LOVE kitties..... thank you for your words and this blog.

Asked a question 12/1/2010 at 5:10 pm

How can I deal with my AD mom's negative attitude and anger?

I need to know how to better deal with my 83 yr old AD mom's negative attitude and anger. She has lived with me since May '10 due to many issues ( getting lost driving for one and I haven't let her dr ...Read More

Answered a question 10/25/2010 at 10:46 am

I just found my father after 15 years in nursing home and he wants me to take him out to care for him. I'm the only person he has. What do I do?

I can only so agree with ALL the former comment made. Don't do this on emotions but with reality before you do anything. Dad is use to living there for 15 years and a move now might upset him in more ...Read More

Commented on a discussion 10/25/2010 at 10:41 am

Need encouragement

Update on mom. A few days ago she goes out to her car with the "fake" key and gets frustrated that it won't turn in the ignitition. She tries and tries. Later I see her hood up and she is in the car l ...Read More

Answered a question 10/18/2010 at 6:20 pm

My mom's anger from Alzheimer's Disease is getting worse, specifically when we discuss her inability to drive. How do I deal with it?

First I would like to sincerely thank everyone for their answers. When I ask questions in this forum someone always answers the question which in of itself helps me to know others out there going through the same thing trying to help. THANK YOU ALL!
We have already done the disconnect the battery trick and finally did the “fake” key on her key ring so it will not start. In fact it only goes in but won’t turn. She has found this out twice now and is angry that it has happened and basically blamed it on my husband then forgets. To answer the one about the DMV I had recently learned that one so I called them here in my state and I had to fax in a short statement about my concern about her driving and so now I am waiting to hear back from them. Hoping they will send her something in the mail requesting her to come in for a driving test or that would be SUPER if they just sent her a notice saying her license is cancelled. I do completely understand it has to do with the last bit of her independence. She doesn’t have a social life any more as that mostly stopped and now I know why as what little friends she had got angry with her due to her memory loss. I tried to get one to reconnect with her sending apology for her outburst at them but have not heard from them in two months. I have been already driving her to dr appts etc for several years now so nothing new with her going to places on her own. I looked into activities for her at our senior center but it is more geared for active seniors like computer classes, dancing, bingo movie night etc…… I talked to her about it and she said NO she already looked into those things and she doesn’t want to do them so it would literally me forcing her to go. I am now looking to easy crafts of hobbies she could do at home to see if I can get her interested. Her only activity WAS driving up a few blocks and sit by a fountain and watch people. Now with her AD I don’t want her alone and someone take advantage of her. I offer to take her to the park and she refuses. Again I have had to force her on a couple of occasions to go and then she had fun sitting and watching. It seems I have to force a lot and I don’t feel that is good for her or me.I have thought it could be sundowners but again it seems to hit different times of the day. It can be as early as noon. I feel she is very negative and angry and I can understand it has to do with things changing for her but I am not sure I am dealing with it properly when it does happen. Not knowing if to ignore and walk away…… just listen and let her vent away at me…….. Or what? I mean one can only take so much listening to her being angry with me and blaming me or my family for her circumstances.

I guess I have to learn the love the limbo of this disease just not sure if I should simply ignore her angry outbursts or try to calm her down as that hasn’t helped. By the way I do blame the dr on not letting her have the meds but she still turns it around. I just have seen the actual physical violence with her until now the throwing her purse and keys as it has happened three times now.

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