Commented on a discussion 5/3/2010 at 10:18 am
I need some advice on dealing with an aging mother-in-law. The problem is more with fighting siblings than with Mom. A year ago, Mom fell and broke a hip. She spent 3 months in the hospital and th
...Read MoreI need some advice on dealing with an aging mother-in-law. The problem is more with fighting siblings than with Mom. A year ago, Mom fell and broke a hip. She spent 3 months in the hospital and then went home with one of her sons. His unemployed 30-ish daughter (Mom's granddaughter) was living with them and he felt she could help with Mom's care. After a month, the son's wife told me she wanted both the mother and daughter out of her house and a few of the sons (there are 8) started looking at alternative living arrangements. The oldest son (with the Power of Attorney) told Mom and the 5 youngest sons that Mom did not have enough money for assisted living and would have to go back to her home with the granddaughter to care for her. Unfortunately the decision was made by the three oldest sons with no negotiations. It was the answer to their problem of what to do with Mom and they no longer had to deal with the problem. Unfortunately, most of the sons either don't know what to do, don't care, or don't consider it their problem. There is a difference of opinion as to whether or not Mom needs 24 hour care or just through the night. Mom seems to love the attention, but when unaware someone is watching, actually does pretty well on her own. For various reasons, the granddaughter is not the ideal caregiver, who now wants weekend off and it is mandated by the second son that all 8 sons would switch off and take Mom on the weekends. We would take her to our house, but we live in a different city and both work days. Those of us who want a better situation for Mom are running into a brick wall with the three oldest sons. I have had people tell me that their parent went into a nursing home and only had to sign over their social security paycheck. I'm sure it is not that easy, but don't know where to start. Any help will be greatly appreciated.